Dp ruined surprised. Pissed off aibu

[Lemis]

Me and dps relationship has not been good for a long time. He has displayed alot of shitty behaviour and hurt me bumedous times. He is finally getting counselling and we have a lovely get away booked. Things were meant to be going on the right track.

I had planned a surprised for dp. I will not get into the details as it is outing but it was for a special occasion. I had been planning it for weeks and was really looking forward to seeing his expression and for him to enjoy it. I had told him to expect something on the weekend but not what. He knew this for a while.

Then out of the blue last night dp said "oh x has invited me here on the weekend. If it gets in the way of our plans let me know."

I was shocked because it literally ruined my plans for dp so I said yes it did and expected it to be left at that.

Except for it didnt. Dp kept pressing it and suddenly switched. He got really angry and stroppy saying "oh i wont be out long oh why cant i go." He kept pressing me and demanding an answer. I didnt tell him and he went out the room and started banging things so i told him his aggresive atittiude and behaviour was uncalled for. I ended up having to tell him the surprise because he wouldnt accept my answer and was only getting more wound up.

I then got angry that i had to justify myself to him and he couldnt let it go. Also that he was angry at me when all i tried to do was do something nice for him. He didnt apologise straight away but instead proceeded to shout and bang stuff. It was ridiculous.

I went upstairs and cried because i didnt understand how trying so hard to do something good went so wrong and got soured.

After he calmed down he said sorry and that he would still like to go ahead with his now not surprise. I cant believe his uncalled for and uncontrollable temper. If i was living on my own with him ( we are with family) i think i would almost be scared with his 0 to 100 temper.

This has shown me yet again we have made no process. Where do i go from here? I want to scrap the whole thing but im sure that will cause more tension also there are other people involved so i would have to cancel on them

He thought the surprise was doing something with you or you and the kids so when his friends called he was happy to ditch you.

I am sorry you are in this situation

I don't think it is your job to make it better because he is the one at fault, and I don't think you can make it better because he is the one at fault.

I think what you shoudl do is contact a women's charity and talk to some experts. You may not feel able to leave now, and I understand the problems, but at least talking honestly about what is going on will help you prepare for the future when you will be able to leave.

Seriously if you can leave him - you cannot change someone's base character. He has shown who he is. And to all the other people you are deliberately being nasty - you are vile and hope you step on lego. Twats.

@Viviennemary

I would hate a surprise trip. You ruined his plans and refused to tell him what you had in mind. He just doesn't enjoy this kind of thing. You are simply not compatible.

You simply haven't read the OP's posts.

He does like surprises

He was the one that wanted to change plans, not the OP.

I’m really sorry OP, but I don’t think anyone is going to give you advice on how to navigate through this, because your partner is a horrible person and the relationship appears unsalvageable.

I’m also sorry for the kicking you’ve received on here - it’s reminded me why I never, ever start threads of my own on here.

If you head over to the relationship board though, you will get much kinder, considered, constructive advice.

People on AIBU just enjoy being dicks.

@Nanny0gg
He does like surprises. He was the one that wanted to change plans, not the OP.

These can’t both be true. If he liked surprises, he would not have wanted it also celebrate his birthday with his friends....

@TempName01

He thought the surprise was doing something with you or you and the kids so when his friends called he was happy to ditch you.

This is an assumption. There might have been enough time on his birthday for both the OPs surprise AND going out with his friends. He could not know if this was the case or not before asking OP, as it was a surprise!

Everything that @RussiasGreatestLoveMachine said.
Hope you're ok OP

We really need to start teaching our daughters to prioritise self sufficiency prior to romantic love.
It is a sorry thing to hear someone say ‘I can’t leave him I’ve nowhere to go’.

I can’t advise op as I don’t have children of my own, so am not qualified to press my opinion, but you deserve much, much better than this.