To be miffed after this phone call from DS school

[GypsyWanderer]

So DS is 14. I just got a phone call from a woman at the high school (I don’t recognise her name and not even sure if she is a teacher or whatever) and she tells me several members of staff and students have noticed my DS smells! I am mortified obviously. He has regular showers and deodorant etc.

I guess I’m miffed because I don’t know what to do about it except tell him every day to have a shower and deodorant which I do anyway with all the kids. I’m just shocked that several students and teachers have noticed when me and DH haven’t. Also kind of wish they had sent me an email rather than an embarrassing phone call

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

I would assume prank call!

Yes that was my thought. It seems unkind they made a point of saying multiple people had mentioned he smelled.

@Grapesoda7

Does the dog sleep in the bed with him?

No the dogs don’t go upstairs at all but he lays with them and hugs them etc. had a nap with one yesterday after school!

id say its the dogs-you wont notice it but others will -they reek sometimes and the odour clings especially if hes cuddling them just before school

Trust me, no adult in the school, even the nurse or pastoral team want to have to make that call but they do because it benefits the student

@BaconMassive

Back yard - hose down - sorted

A good old fashioned sheep dip would be an idea 😆

@kateluvscats Health issues can be picked up from body odors. If everything else has been ruled out and there is still an issue, then a trip to the GP would make sense.

It could possibly be a dog smell.

Of the smell is in your house you wouldn’t smell it on him because you will smell like it too 😬. Shame they couldn’t have described the smell too you as it could be anything.

How do you dry your clothes? It could be a damp smell if your drying clothes indoors?

Could be dog smell?

Do you use a fabric softener or anything to make your clothes smell fresh?

Maybe wash the dog? 🤣

I have a really sensitive nose, I can smell dog on people and smoke 🤢, also the smell of damp clothes is horrid. But I never smelt these when I had a dog of my own or when ex was living here and smoking near me but now the smell really effects me (especially the smell of smoke).

‘ I would contact school and ask to speak to whoever phoned you to clarify the “smell”. Because of his skin issues it may be the result of medicated creams he may use.’

I agree about contacting the school to verify who the caller was & to find out more about the ‘smell’. If this is prank, this needs to be addressed. If the call was genuine, then this is an opportunity to get the school on message about his eczema.

Is his eczema visible? Does he scratch through his clothing without noticing? Does his eczema bleed?

People often do not have much experience or understanding about skin conditions, & it may be that comments have been made, not effectively challenged & this has been rolled up into comments about him ‘not being clean’ & therefore smells.

Unfortunately school uniforms tend to be 100% synthetic which doesn’t help manage skin conditions. Can you get him into plain cotton shirts etc that can be run through a hot non-bio wash? Like wise his blazers ?

Low temperature washing does not effectively kill bacteria which is the source of smells. A challenge of managing eczema etc us to use non-biological washing powders at sufficient water temperature to both wash away dirt & bacteria.

I find it helpful to put a cup of white vinegar into the machine instead of fabric conditioner. This helps to rinse out any washing liquid residues & fragrances, & lightly softens the fabric. Super cheap - about £5 per 5L from Amazon or local hardware shop.

Working in a school I would say it’s the clothes that are not clean or a medical issue.

If they mentioned a sweat smell, then quite possibly it's a case of washing not removing the odour, or a smelly jumper that's worn all week, or a blazer that's only washed each half term, or a stinky coat. Some people do have a poor sense of smell and literally can't smell when they/their DC pong a bit. I'm recovering from Covid and can't smell a thing at the moment, so I'm not casting stones!

I use laundry bleach for all the DC's clothes, also bio detergent. And yes, if you have dogs, chances are you can't smell them, but other people will be able to and to non-dog owners with a good sense of smell, that doggy smell is quite pungent!

Don’t be upset. The school are giving you a chance to sort it out in a sensitive way. Perhaps say to him that you noticed rather than the school rang. I think it will be less of a sting for him than people talking behind his back.

Im sure it wouldn’t hurt to stick the blazer through the wash separately, on a delicate cycle and hang it immediately that the wash finishes.

Encourage him not to roll around with the dogs in his uniform. All dogs (including my own) get stinky.

Get him some cotton shirts (fresh one for each day)

Shower & a decent antiperspirant before school- overnight boy sweat is gross and will be stale by lunchtime.

Also check your washer isn’t making clothes smell. If he is doing laundry himself & the load is too big then they won’t wash properly. Also if it doesn’t get taken out and dried properly it will smell damp.

Good luck

Also - clean your washing machine regularly. I used soda crystals once a month to clean out any stale smells. They are cheap and very effective - you don't need to buy expensive 'washing machine cleaner'.

My son started smelling sort of musty, even though he was showering everyday. Turned out he wasn't actually using any shampoo or shower gel. I sorted it by buying shampoo etc in bottles with a pump dispenser. There is no end to the laziness of the teen boy!

My school teacher told me…in class where everyone could hear that I was the smelly one. I was mortified. I think I was 12 or 13. Even now I am hyper aware of how I smell at all times because I am still mortified.

A lot of boys go through that horrible sweaty stage at that age, laced with lynx Africa most of the time! Wash his blazer, jumper, coat, anything he wears daily, even if it says dry clean only it’s probably ok on a cool wash pretreated with white vinegar. Also get him some Driclor or Perspirex to put on at night followed by a shower in the morning and lots of deodorant (Mitchum is supposed to be good) afterwards. Shoes can be sprayed with deodoriser. Can of lynx for in his bag especially on PE days.
Kids become really mean at 14 I’d definitely try and nip it in the bud now so he doesn’t get bullied about it x

But we have 4 dogs! So now you’ve got me thinking, maybe it is the dog smell because he lays and hugs them constantly

My guess is it's almost certainly the dogs. If you don't have, and have never had dogs it's really noticeable and can be pretty unpleasant.

I think the fact you have 4 dogs makes it a no brainer.

His towel could also be another culprit. As a teenager I had issues with being a bit whiffy, and it turned out my towel was the culprit. I was using the same one for weeks so getting all clean and then rubbing stale towel smell all over me.

Smell sorted after my mother pointed out the blindingly obvious to me

In our school, for sensitive issues they call rather than email. I wouldn't get hung up on the method of communication but try to tackle the issue. Use really good deodorant such as Mitchum, make sure he showers every morning (not evening) and puts his deodorant on properly and that his clothes are always clean - every day.

They did you a massive favour telling you. I know you’d have preferred an email but it’s really much more friendly for them to do on phone as with email they can’t tell how you’re reacting.

It is a genuine problem fornothers as well, I used to have a work colleague with BO and it made me feel sick when I had to sit near him.

If he showers and uses deodorant then the problem will be his clothes. Wash them much more often then you are doing.

‘ No the dogs don’t go upstairs at all but he lays with them and hugs them etc. had a nap with one yesterday after school!’

…which is why you cannot detect the smell.
You are used to your pet smells.

But other people are not, so what is a light whiff to you may well be
full-on eye-watering pungent Eau de Mutt.

Rather like that home selling programme years ago with Anne whatersname, you may not realise how much your beloved doggy fragrance travels with you, & also how off putting it can be to others.

Can you check in with an honest friend, who does not have dogs, if your home smells of dog/pets? Be brave!

BTW, has your son been tested for cat, dog, horse etc allergy.
Might the dog hugging bring him into close contact with allergens?

Oh - and really get him to NOT roll around with dogs when he's wearing fresh uniform! People with dogs can really stink without realising it.

If you've got a washing line, putting his coat and blazer out for airing with a squirt of febreeze helps in between washes.

Also, if he's showering regularly, is he also washing his hair regularly? Even if it doesn't look greasy, it might not smell very fresh. Dry shampoo can help if he'd use it.

I have to constantly go on at ds who's 15 to wear deodorant. He showers every morning (but I wouldn't be surprised if he ditched that for an extra 15 minutes in bed if I wasn't around to insist) - If he doesn't then he leaves smelling fresh as a daisy and comes home absolutely reeking.

The other morning I caught a whiff just before he left for school and it was because he was wearing a hoodie that he'd had worn the day before, sans deodorant AGAIN. His shirt was clean but I wouldn't have relished sitting beside him in class.

I'm at my wits end with his lack of interest in hygiene - I just hope that if I keep going on at him then it'll eventually become a habit (or he'll get interested in a girl/boy and realise the advantages of smelling nice himself).

So yes, if I got a call from the school I'd be absolutely mortified but I'd also understand. I think it shows good care actually for them to give you a heads up, and presumably they've already spoken to him directly.

It will be the dogs OP. They stink and you won't notice.

Make him take off his uniform and hang it somewhere dog-free when he gets in.

I know I’d feel upset about this too but far preferable to hear now in a relatively low key way.

Things I’d consider:

Bedding washed often enough

Clothes drying quickly enough after washing so they don’t end up smelling stale

Make sure he’s using an anti-perspirant rather than a deodorant

Cleaning teeth properly. Consider using a mouth wash as well

Wash coat

Check smell not coming from scalp (I have a recurring skin condition that makes my scalp smell horrid)

Ask him if he’s got any sore skin/rashes (bad skin in moist places can smell bad quickly)