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Original poster

To be miffed after this phone call from DS school

406 replies

GypsyWanderer · 03/02/2022 09:57

So DS is 14. I just got a phone call from a woman at the high school (I don’t recognise her name and not even sure if she is a teacher or whatever) and she tells me several members of staff and students have noticed my DS smells! I am mortified obviously. He has regular showers and deodorant etc.

I guess I’m miffed because I don’t know what to do about it except tell him every day to have a shower and deodorant which I do anyway with all the kids. I’m just shocked that several students and teachers have noticed when me and DH haven’t. Also kind of wish they had sent me an email rather than an embarrassing phone call Blush

OP posts:
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Payitforward55 · 05/02/2022 18:37

I think this sounds rude / not delt with very well. I'm sure a lot of teensgers get a bit stinky as the school day goes on. Maybe try washing his jumper and jacket if you can. A tip I used is putting a bar of Dove soap in drawers / wardrobe / cloakroom keeps things from getting va bit stale smelling

RampantIvy · 05/02/2022 18:52

@Payitforward55

I think this sounds rude / not delt with very well. I'm sure a lot of teensgers get a bit stinky as the school day goes on. Maybe try washing his jumper and jacket if you can. A tip I used is putting a bar of Dove soap in drawers / wardrobe / cloakroom keeps things from getting va bit stale smelling
How would you deal with this? IMO there is no nice way to tell someone that they smell. I think the school have done him a kindness by alerting the OP. I know just how vicious teenagers can be about something like this.
Twinkleylight · 05/02/2022 18:59

Dettol anti bacterial soap is brilliant for smelly teenagers and stinky feet. Soap is better than shower gel which doesn't clean as effectively as bar soap. Ensure his shoes are thoroughly aired and freshened using talcum powder and odour eaters.

Michum antiperspirant is absolutely brilliant for tackling bad odours.

Keep the windows open to ensure fresh air circulates through the house particularly because you have dogs.

Get him to change out of his uniform as soon as he gets home before handling the dogs.

Nowayoutonlydown · 05/02/2022 19:18

I don't understand why you're miffed.
Your child smells. It has been brought to your attention, now you can work on it.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 05/02/2022 20:04

My friend had this problem as a teen. She smelt of wet/musty dog. The smell was on her clothes and in her hair. It was actually a really awful smell, I remember that the PE teacher at High School told her about it, and it made her really Paranoid, but tbh it was really really awful especially when showering after PE And when her hair would get wet.

The Teacher probably thought she was doing the right thing by bringing this to her attention, However From what I can remember, she became more and more Anxious as she continuously Doused herself In Perfume and Deodorant.

So… The problem wasn’t anything to do with her hygiene, she showered, and kept herself clean, she used Deodorant, and Loads of perfume, she Kept her clothes Upstairs away from the dogs, but the problem was the whole house smelt of dog. I know this because once she moved Into her home home, she no longer had the same dog smell

ndh1980 · 05/02/2022 20:08

I had to make one of these phone calls to a family once as their child was having a bath only once a week at the age of 14! The dad really wasn’t getting my point about an odour when we were with the child in the bathroom until I was quite blunt with him!

LlamaLucy · 05/02/2022 20:09

Ahh bless you, this must have been awkward! Please don’t feel bad about yourself at all. The staff absolutely should have introduced themselves better than they did. I am a teacher and I have had to make this same phone call/face to face meeting - I had no choice. If anyone at a school says that a child under 16 smells, it is logged as a safeguarding concern, so the teacher of that child has no choice but call home.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 05/02/2022 20:15

I’m almost certain the issue is your house smells of dog, and you as a family are probably nose blind

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 05/02/2022 20:16

OP has 4 dogs, the house will most likely smell of dog

phlebasconsidered · 05/02/2022 20:18

I have made these calls plenty of times as a teacher. It is not always obvious to parents.

Sometimes the teen is out of school clothes and into pjs or clean clothes by the time they get home so they don't notice. Sometimes it's a clothes washing issue- i've had lots more musty smelling kids now people are trying to wash and dry on a budget. Our school even offers washes if people are struggling. Sometimes its hormones. Sometimes its lack of money for toiletries. Sometimes it's that people smoke in the house. On one occaision it was because the family was struggling- lots of animals and hoarding. And sometimes its because girls are not coping with periods or in period poverty. And sometimes its just boys being lazy.

We ring because it's a concern and rightly so. But i don't judge.

Brennanlady1888 · 05/02/2022 20:20

If his feet are smelly and young boys are prone to this Get australian tea tree foot care putting it on his feet daily before school his feet wont smell too much it kills off the horrid bacteria

RachandO · 05/02/2022 20:21

My DS went through a phase last year when they returned after second lockdown. He was very conscious of himself so had a shirt, jumper then blazer. He didn't take anything off ALL day. Was kicking up a right pong when he'd get home. He's since ditched the jumper which has solved the issue. I wash his blazers, shirts and trousers after one days use as they're usually covered in mud from playing football. Blazers are from School uniform shop and thankfully they dry extremely quickly and don't need ironing.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 05/02/2022 20:25

OP has said she has 4 dogs. The house most likely stinks of dog(s)

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 05/02/2022 20:25

OP has said she has 4 dogs. The house most likely stinks of dog(s)

mumofEandE · 05/02/2022 20:30

I have made those phone calls in the past - I tagged it into another thing that I ring about.
Yes, it's awkward (worse when it's girls imo) but necessary and at that age very normal!!

Anonymouseposter · 05/02/2022 22:15

No-one would like to get that phone call but it,s not reasonable to be miffed, you have been alerted to something that needs dealing with before your son gets picked on.
There could be a few reasons. Are his coat and blazer getting wet on the way to school and drying too slowly? Does he do his own laundry or do you do it? Is it removed from the washing machine and dried quickly.
Nothing smells worse than clothes that have been left damp and dried slowly.
You have already been advised on extra strong deodorants and personal hygiene.
If it's the dogs it will be affecting the whole family so. just be extra cautious about nose blindness.
There is an outside chance it wasn't the school who phoned but I would assume it was and take action.

bellabride · 05/02/2022 22:20

OP, is your son careful to wash off any eczema creams before applying more, as a build up can cause an unpleasant smell.

Nowayoutonlydown · 05/02/2022 22:24

@phlebasconsidered

I have made these calls plenty of times as a teacher. It is not always obvious to parents.

Sometimes the teen is out of school clothes and into pjs or clean clothes by the time they get home so they don't notice. Sometimes it's a clothes washing issue- i've had lots more musty smelling kids now people are trying to wash and dry on a budget. Our school even offers washes if people are struggling. Sometimes its hormones. Sometimes its lack of money for toiletries. Sometimes it's that people smoke in the house. On one occaision it was because the family was struggling- lots of animals and hoarding. And sometimes its because girls are not coping with periods or in period poverty. And sometimes its just boys being lazy.

We ring because it's a concern and rightly so. But i don't judge.

Girls are lazy too!

I'm forever saying to DD I know for a fact she hasn't actually got in the shower despite it having gone on in the morning, or that I know she just decided to wear yesterday's shirt again- ignoring clean shirts and blazers.

It's a continuous discussion in our house, despite having multiples of everything, a clean home, and freshly laundered clothes.

Example, I moved the shower gel from the tap end of the bath, to the back end of the tub, DD got in the shower but didn't use any shower gel because she couldn't "find" it.
Lazy lazy.

It's horrifying because I was a smelly kid at school cos I didn't have, so I'm very aware of what she does have and her bathroom is well stocked (I sort of hoard self care items for her so there's no excuse)

Feeascotime · 05/02/2022 23:26

Check that it's not prank. My ds was pranked and it caused huge anxiety - long story but it happens.
Although embarrassing it is natural at this age. But for a school to call? 🤔 must be really bad and I am sure you would have notice? If truly bad perhaps they protecting your son (from possible teasing)?
If it is an issue be careful how you break it to him 😔 Perhaps say YOU noticed rather than, "others at school".

IlkaDoxie · 05/02/2022 23:32

OP, I am the person writing the email with my finger hovering over the send button agonising whether to press it or not.

My nephew has recently started to stink. And I mean stink. It's like a homeless smell (I don't want to be offensive to homeless people but don't know how else to describe it). He has access to a bath, shower, washing machine and funds so there is no reason for it other than ... god I don't even know. He fills a room with it. Rooms he was previously in are still filled with it. My sibling (he lives at home) doesn't seem to notice that the house now smells of BO. My nephew works in hospitality and has complained that he's not getting enough shifts. I wonder why...

I have been on the verge of saying something (god knows why none of his friends have) but I don't know how to broach it. I don't want to hurt feelings. I will have to though, and I hope that it is received with minimum 'miffed' ness. I don't want this very fixable thing to limit his life.

RampantIvy · 05/02/2022 23:37

Check that it's not prank

It was the school number, so I doubt it. I think it is a mixture of not enough soap and antiperspirant, a sweaty blazer from the walk to school and dog.

ThinWomansBrain · 05/02/2022 23:44

the blazer may say "dry clean only" - but it's probably fine on a cool wash.
I wash all of my work jackets - some of the more delicate ones get soaked overnight, rinsed and spun - they're fine. I've never really trusted dry cleaning to get things properly clean Hmm

Scoobydoobydo · 05/02/2022 23:52

In my experience lots of boys and some girls as they are hitting pubity have a certain smell no matter how spotless their body and clothes are.
It's those dratted hormones, some menopausal women too.
Your lad won't be the only one and trust it won't last long once those hormones settle down.
Keep up the fresh routine though Smile

SunnyUpNorth · 06/02/2022 08:24

I also suggest Halo sports wash, it’s amazing stuff. My DH’s sports tops and work shirts used to stink under the armpits and nothing would get rid of the smell. Tried Halo and it completely disappeared.

The crusty armpit story is going to haunt me all day 🤮