Friend staying over

[tireandsore101]

Hi name changed because I fear I am being unreasonable..
Good friend of mine in the middle of a breakup she lives about 2 hours away from me and asked if she can come stay with her 1 and 3 year olds for a few days while her partner moves out their home.
Obviously I'm trying to be there for her and the kids best I can so said yes.
I'm 8 months pregnant and still working full time also have a 2 year old.
I was hoping she would be considerate of those things.. I've put work off for the next few days to be available to them.
I finished a long physical shift of work last night at 8pm ish picked her up and brought her to my house she entered the house and plopped herself on the sofa and just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats. She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips after they all ate she again retreated to the sofa and left me to tidy up wash up all that baring in mind is almost 10 by now
I made a bed for them up in my sons room and moved my son into my bed but she refused to share a room with her kids and insisted she slept downstairs
I asked about them waking in the night and she told me "if they wake up just go in there put them back In bed and sit with them they won't take long to fall back to sleep" by this time my husband came home from work and cut in and told her that's not my job she will need to get up and do it
5am we were woken up to children screaming then 7am to children banging and screaming and then 8am I wake up to find her doing a full makeup and skin routine in the bathroom next to my room with her kids running around upstairs screaming at the top of their lungs.

Quick back ground so I don't drip feed
I work self employed as does my husband running our business
My 2 year old is not at nursery yet and he has always come to work with us
Sometimes he goes to bed at 7pm sometimes at 10pm he is in an awkward nap phase when if he has one he won't sleep till 10/11pm ( some times worse) and if he doesn't have a nap he becomes the devil
Since we all don't have a set routine due to work and things like that whenever we can get the rest/sleep we do
She knows how I've been struggling with sleep insomnia peeing every house and the back pain
So I asked her to be a little considerate of that I showered her around the kitchen for food and anything she might need and told her to help herself if she needs to
I'm just feeling tired and in pain and grumpy this morning
I think she feels she's on holiday and expects me to do everything
I don't know
AIBU for thinking she's being rude or inconsiderate? Or do I need to give her a break as she is going through a hard time?

It's funny, if it had been your husband's friend abusing your hospitality, people would have said that you don't have a friend problem, you have a DH problem. And they would've been right. You need to rethink your priorities and look after your family's interests. Your DH shouldn't have to deal with these situations.

I would tell her she needs to go home tomorrow. Tell her your heavily pregnant and it's too much for you and your family having them there. Don't beat around the bush.

I'm not allowed to deal with customers because my husband says I'd bankrupt us buy giving all stock away for free
We're quite young Shocker 🙄

You seem to think that your helplessness & your husband constantly needing to save you is adorable. You have a 2 year old and another baby on the way, if you don’t want to stand up for yourself at least stand up for them.

[quote tireandsore101]@mrsrat
😂 I'm not allowed to deal with customers because my husband says I'd bankrupt us buy giving all stock away for free 🤦‍♀️ [/quote]
This isn't cute, OP. You know that, right? Your friend is a cheeky fucker, and I'm glad that's sorted. But you do need to stop being so wet.

You're a parent, your children need you to grow a backbone.

[quote tireandsore101]@mrsrat
😂 I'm not allowed to deal with customers because my husband says I'd bankrupt us buy giving all stock away for free 🤦‍♀️ [/quote]
I squirmed with embarrassment for you when i read this OP

Not cute
Quite…. Stomach churningly nauseating actually

You're very young OP, but you've chosen to become a mother, not once but very nearly twice now. Being a good mum includes boundary setting and you need to learn how to do that for your DD if nothing else. It's disgraceful that you forced your DH to come home to deal with your friend instead of doing it yourself. You are not a baby, you are an adult and a mother, time to start acting like it.

Omg @JustUseTheDoorSanta who pissed you off?!

That is pretty harsh. Her age has nothing to do with it, how patronising of you.

She clearly didn’t want any confrontation and I think most people would understand that.

Wow. I am actually surprised how some people can be so cold

@Workinghardeveryday

Omg *@JustUseTheDoorSanta* who pissed you off?!

That is pretty harsh. Her age has nothing to do with it, how patronising of you.

She clearly didn’t want any confrontation and I think most people would understand that.

Wow. I am actually surprised how some people can be so cold

Yeah, I think the comments have got worse and worse, more patronising and attacking the OP. No need to have put the boot in like this.

@Workinghardeveryday

Omg *@JustUseTheDoorSanta* who pissed you off?!

That is pretty harsh. Her age has nothing to do with it, how patronising of you.

She clearly didn’t want any confrontation and I think most people would understand that.

Wow. I am actually surprised how some people can be so cold

I think it’s kinder to excuse this by referring to age Because the other explanation is a very childish woman who is setting an appalling example to her children and almost revelling in weakness

You really need to start handling normal situations yourself. It’s really weird to be so relying on your partner. I do hope you teach your children to be more independent and not complete doormats.

Ahh some people are so dramatic
I am a grown adult
And run a successful business
Run my home and take care of my husband and child
Just because I felt bad about potentially upsetting a friend of mine (even if she was upsetting me)
And some silly comments
I've become the silly little child who can't protect and take care of her family and is too dependent on my husband 😂 thank you everyone else who isn't here to insult and belittle me
Definitely think some people should look in the mirror about their selves and how their words affect people no need to be nasty
Thanks again

Suggest you re read your posts OP

A nice retelling though, just a rather different version to previous posts

@tireandsore101

Ahh some people are so dramatic I am a grown adult And run a successful business Run my home and take care of my husband and child Just because I felt bad about potentially upsetting a friend of mine (even if she was upsetting me) And some silly comments I've become the silly little child who can't protect and take care of her family and is too dependent on my husband 😂 thank you everyone else who isn't here to insult and belittle me Definitely think some people should look in the mirror about their selves and how their words affect people no need to be nasty Thanks again

You think it is ‘nasty’ to point out that revelling in your inability to function like an adult - in the situation you yourself have described - isn’t as adorable as you seem to think it is?

You don’t ‘run a successful business’ if you’re so incapable of setting boundaries and behaving like an adult that your husband can’t let you deal with customers (you told us this). You don’t ‘run a home and take care of your husband and child’ if you leave all the difficult and stressful bits to your husband (again, you told us this).

You started an entire thread because you are utterly incapable of asserting yourself in real life. You think this is healthy adult behaviour? It’s clearly not, and there’s nothing ‘dramatic’ about pointing that out. The person who needs to look in the mirror is you. Sort yourself out.

No one is being nasty op just honest. It's actually mind boggling they at 8 months You would bring in all the shopping and let your friend flop on the sofa just because you don't like confrontation . Asking her to get off her lazy arse isn't confrontation it's just good manners

I am a grown adult
Good.

how their words affect people no need to be nasty
My words were actually intended to have an effect. The intended effect was for you to realise you need to start taking responsibility like a grown up by asserting what you do or do not want from others, instead of relying on your DH to pick up after you. It isn't "nasty" to expect a mother of two to be able to conduct conversations about what someone does in her own house, and how long they are allowed to stay there; that is just being an adult.

Glad she's leaving tomorrow!

OP, let us know how today goes :)

@tireandsore101 take no notice of the nasty comments.

I don’t think they are particularly meant to upset you (well I sincerely hope not), but are just coming from people who are in life by the sounds of it very matter of fact about things, and quite possibly unaware of how to be in certain social situations at times.

Your abilities as a mum, wife and business woman have absolutely nothing to do with this problem. Take no notice.

At the end of the day, you were trying to do a good deed and help a friend going through a hard time. Unfortunately said friend is a piss taker!! Instead of causing a scene in your home you were the bigger person and bit your tongue for the sake of your friend - because you are a nice person.

I think the negative comments are most lightly from people who would find this concept alien and wouldn’t enter their heads to put other’s feelings first.... after all if they were they wouldn’t be posting such negative comments to you given the situation.

Hope all goes well when she goes x

@Workinghardeveryday She’s the one who brought up her abilities as a mum, wife and business woman. And people responded.

She wasn’t ‘the bigger person’, she was a doormat who allowed herself to be taken advantage of and then required her husband to take care of any unpleasantness because she’s incapable of doing so. She has stated this multiple times. That’s not ‘being a nice person’, that’s being unable to set and maintain boundaries, then childishly passing the buck.

OP posted here for opinions, and she’s received them. Said opinions are not required to pat a grown woman on the head and tell her how lovely she is for being wet.

[quote tireandsore101]@mrsrat
😂 I'm not allowed to deal with customers because my husband says I'd bankrupt us buy giving all stock away for free 🤦‍♀️ [/quote]
These are you’re own words. Doesn’t really go with

And run a successful business.

Has nothing to do with us being dramatic whatsoever op.

She wasn’t ‘the bigger person’, she was a doormat who allowed herself to be taken advantage of and then required her husband to take care of any unpleasantness because she’s incapable of doing so. She has stated this multiple times. That’s not ‘being a nice person’, that’s being unable to set and maintain boundaries, then childishly passing the buck.

I agree. Martyring yourself because you are too pathetic to set boundaries is not what makes someone a nice person.

@Workinghardeveryday

Your abilities as a mum, wife and business woman have absolutely nothing to do with this problem.

It does actually. Very much so.

@tireandsore101

Hi name changed because I fear I am being unreasonable.. Good friend of mine in the middle of a breakup she lives about 2 hours away from me and asked if she can come stay with her 1 and 3 year olds for a few days while her partner moves out their home. Obviously I'm trying to be there for her and the kids best I can so said yes. I'm 8 months pregnant and still working full time also have a 2 year old. I was hoping she would be considerate of those things.. I've put work off for the next few days to be available to them. I finished a long physical shift of work last night at 8pm ish picked her up and brought her to my house she entered the house and plopped herself on the sofa and just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats. She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips after they all ate she again retreated to the sofa and left me to tidy up wash up all that baring in mind is almost 10 by now I made a bed for them up in my sons room and moved my son into my bed but she refused to share a room with her kids and insisted she slept downstairs I asked about them waking in the night and she told me "if they wake up just go in there put them back In bed and sit with them they won't take long to fall back to sleep" by this time my husband came home from work and cut in and told her that's not my job she will need to get up and do it 5am we were woken up to children screaming then 7am to children banging and screaming and then 8am I wake up to find her doing a full makeup and skin routine in the bathroom next to my room with her kids running around upstairs screaming at the top of their lungs.

Quick back ground so I don't drip feed
I work self employed as does my husband running our business
My 2 year old is not at nursery yet and he has always come to work with us
Sometimes he goes to bed at 7pm sometimes at 10pm he is in an awkward nap phase when if he has one he won't sleep till 10/11pm ( some times worse) and if he doesn't have a nap he becomes the devil
Since we all don't have a set routine due to work and things like that whenever we can get the rest/sleep we do
She knows how I've been struggling with sleep insomnia peeing every house and the back pain
So I asked her to be a little considerate of that I showered her around the kitchen for food and anything she might need and told her to help herself if she needs to
I'm just feeling tired and in pain and grumpy this morning
I think she feels she's on holiday and expects me to do everything
I don't know
AIBU for thinking she's being rude or inconsiderate? Or do I need to give her a break as she is going through a hard time?

I'm just astonished after this account that YOU feel you are being unreasonable. I'm afraid that after reading this I can personally see why her partner wants to leave her. Awful woman. And appalling parent to her own children. Is this how she deals with the trauma of separation for them? Truly unbelievable. Give her a short manageable deadline to depart and then don't bother with her further.

Jesus, this post had me raging at the part where your friend let you, OP, a heavily pregnant woman, drag the food shop and all her bags in without helping? Cheeky f**k.

thanks for clarifying "peeing every house" - I was amused and confused in equal measure.
Even not pregnant, if I'd seen her lounging while I carried in shopping and all her stuff was in the car, I'd have given her the car keys and said "I'll make coffee and keep an eye on the children while you get your bags in" - cheeky cow, no wonder her partner is moving out.
Get rid.