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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend staying over

317 replies

tireandsore101 · 03/02/2022 08:46

Hi name changed because I fear I am being unreasonable..
Good friend of mine in the middle of a breakup she lives about 2 hours away from me and asked if she can come stay with her 1 and 3 year olds for a few days while her partner moves out their home.
Obviously I'm trying to be there for her and the kids best I can so said yes.
I'm 8 months pregnant and still working full time also have a 2 year old.
I was hoping she would be considerate of those things.. I've put work off for the next few days to be available to them.
I finished a long physical shift of work last night at 8pm ish picked her up and brought her to my house she entered the house and plopped herself on the sofa and just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats. She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips after they all ate she again retreated to the sofa and left me to tidy up wash up all that baring in mind is almost 10 by now
I made a bed for them up in my sons room and moved my son into my bed but she refused to share a room with her kids and insisted she slept downstairs
I asked about them waking in the night and she told me "if they wake up just go in there put them back In bed and sit with them they won't take long to fall back to sleep" by this time my husband came home from work and cut in and told her that's not my job she will need to get up and do it
5am we were woken up to children screaming then 7am to children banging and screaming and then 8am I wake up to find her doing a full makeup and skin routine in the bathroom next to my room with her kids running around upstairs screaming at the top of their lungs.

Quick back ground so I don't drip feed
I work self employed as does my husband running our business
My 2 year old is not at nursery yet and he has always come to work with us
Sometimes he goes to bed at 7pm sometimes at 10pm he is in an awkward nap phase when if he has one he won't sleep till 10/11pm ( some times worse) and if he doesn't have a nap he becomes the devil
Since we all don't have a set routine due to work and things like that whenever we can get the rest/sleep we do
She knows how I've been struggling with sleep insomnia peeing every house and the back pain
So I asked her to be a little considerate of that I showered her around the kitchen for food and anything she might need and told her to help herself if she needs to
I'm just feeling tired and in pain and grumpy this morning
I think she feels she's on holiday and expects me to do everything
I don't know
AIBU for thinking she's being rude or inconsiderate? Or do I need to give her a break as she is going through a hard time?

OP posts:
Whoopsmahoot · 03/02/2022 16:05

She’s being entitled and taking the piss. She ain’t no friend,

HailAdrian · 03/02/2022 16:06

If she's behaved exactly as you've described, that's really bad but I just can't imagine someone saying 'my kids are hungry, you need to make something for them' and not being pulled up on it.

Vloggamamma · 03/02/2022 16:07

@Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow

I’ve just returned from staying with SIL for a week. The first thing we do on arrival is go shopping. I don’t drink but it includes several meals for everyone, wine, snacks, treats and pudding every night. Her DH is very ill (so am I but in a different way) and she doesn’t get in from work until 6pm. During the week we did several jobs they can’t do without paying someone. We cook or wash and clean up. SIL has a large home with a pool. I feel fortunate she’s happy for us to visit and I’m mindful that we don’t leave a nasty taste when we leave. I did call her mad as a gift arrived from her yesterday for what we’d done whilst there. She was the host but I does think this shows we don’t take the piss. Your ‘friend’ is awful. She’s treating your house as a free hotel with built in maid/nanny. Get rid of her, not only from your home but your life.
So right , her “friend” is totally taking advantage. I doubt the friend would have done the same for her when she was 8 months pregnant or ever for that matter. What she should have done is stay with family but that probably wasn’t an option because she has probably treated all of them like crap too !
affairsofdragons · 03/02/2022 16:13

I would have turfed her out immediately after she sat down and demanded you feed her children and then left you clean up after them. Let alone tell you you'd be getting up with her children.

Tell her to get to fuck. She's got 15 minutes to pack them up and get the hell out.

She's not your friend.

RachelGreeneGreep · 03/02/2022 16:16

I genuinely don't understand why you would have hauled in bags and whatever else, and didn't think to say to her, I will leave you to bring your stuff in.

You need to set your bar a LOT higher when it comes to friends, OP. Remember this is what you are teaching your children too.

ArrrMeHearties · 03/02/2022 16:22

Tell her she leaves tonight and you won't be having her intrude again

Original poster
tireandsore101 · 03/02/2022 16:26

@mrsrat
😂 I'm not allowed to deal with customers because my husband says I'd bankrupt us buy giving all stock away for free 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
MeSanniesareBrannies · 03/02/2022 16:28

[quote tireandsore101]@mrsrat
😂 I'm not allowed to deal with customers because my husband says I'd bankrupt us buy giving all stock away for free 🤦‍♀️ [/quote]
You seem to almost think this is…cute?

It’s not. You’re a grown woman. Act like one, ffs.

user1481840227 · 03/02/2022 16:49

Glad she's arranged a leaving date.

You sound lovely and so does your husband. One good thing to come from this is that when she goes you and your family will probably really enjoy and appreciate the next couple of weeks before you're due because you will have your home back Smile

sillysmiles · 03/02/2022 17:23

Can't help but laugh at how much I depend on my husband to take care of me I don't know when that started lol I used to be a lot more of a stronger person I think I'm just used to him taking care of my problems and making my life too easy

I can't be the only one that thinks this isn't a bit funny. Great that your husband is supportive - but you are totally vulnerable - either to him becoming controlling, or if anything happened to him.

Octomore · 03/02/2022 17:31

Yeah, being completely unable to say no to people or speak up for yourself isn't really hilarious OP. It leaves you wide open to users and people who will take advantage, including potentially your partner.

Peblet · 03/02/2022 17:42

Yikes! Totally taking advantage and not a friend!

Cherryberrybonbon · 03/02/2022 18:06

Probably the reason they’ve broke up, if this was a man you were writing about mumsnetters would be going crazy about how lazy he was and how he’s took the piss. She clearly just wants a mini break with someone to look after her kids. Tell her to go

billy1966 · 03/02/2022 18:06

@Octomore

Yeah, being completely unable to say no to people or speak up for yourself isn't really hilarious OP. It leaves you wide open to users and people who will take advantage, including potentially your partner.
This.

I find it incredibly sad that you find your inability to behave like an adult funny.

You are about to have a second child.
What if they need you to advocate for them? At the doctors? At school?

Implying you are a liability to the business is really not funny either.

This could be very wearing and unattractive to live with.

OP, take some time to try not to find it hilarious and perhaps do some reading on assertiveness.

You sound like a nice, kind woman, but living with someone who is a complete walkover is not fun.

Wishing you well.

Sprucewillis · 03/02/2022 18:08

@tireandsore101

I'm just so bad at confrontation! When she was doing her make up I did get up and tell her she's going to wake up my son can she not do that later and take her kids down But I feel so guilty and bad I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️ Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
She is abusing your good nature. Just tell her you can give her a lift tomorrow at 10 to either her house or somewhere else. Her DP has had enough time to get his stuff out of the house. Then when she's gone back away. This woman brings nothing to your life Thanks
ChampagneLassie · 03/02/2022 18:12

@tireandsore101 glad its resolved but you do need to "woman-up!" - some people in life are givers, some are takers, and most are somewhere in between. "just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats" - why did you do this? Saying - "hey do you want to help me with the shopping" isn't confrontation. And you certainly didn't need to take her stuff in - your 8 months pregnant and should be taking more care of what you lift. You need to be more assertive. People don't know what your boundaries are because you're not setting them. If someone is a guest in your home you set the rules. If your friend was as rude as you said, I'd have said to her - sounds like you thought this was a hotel - shall I call you a taxi to one?

Sprucewillis · 03/02/2022 18:17

She's tidied up so she can stay longer. She's doing just enough...

Octomore · 03/02/2022 18:20

[quote tireandsore101]@mrsrat
😂 I'm not allowed to deal with customers because my husband says I'd bankrupt us buy giving all stock away for free 🤦‍♀️ [/quote]
Good grief, where's your self respect? Do you think this is sweet/endearing? You're a grown woman.

1FootInTheRave · 03/02/2022 18:44

You're a mug.

She's a lazy, self centred hideous cunt.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 03/02/2022 18:51

@1FootInTheRave Christ! I don’t disagree with your sentiments, but that’s…intense. 😂

WulyJmpr · 03/02/2022 18:51

@tireandsore101

I'm just so bad at confrontation! When she was doing her make up I did get up and tell her she's going to wake up my son can she not do that later and take her kids down But I feel so guilty and bad I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️ Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
Sweetie you need to look after yourself. Put your family first and you don't need 3 more children to look after! Don't feel bad for asking her to leave- she doesn't feel bad about the terrible way she's treating you.
DinaofCloud9 · 03/02/2022 20:09

She's probably trying to teach you a lesson in growing a backbone.

Seriously you're a parent not a toddler. Stop relying on your husband to do everything for you.

Suzi888 · 03/02/2022 20:12

Why did she have to move out so her partner could leave. Blush I can see why he would want to though.
Time for her to vacate! Cheeky woman!

Lightbulbs · 03/02/2022 20:17

Can someone tell me what a CF is? I see it on so many threads but don't know what it means. In my head, I read 'c*nt fuck'

fleurpots · 03/02/2022 20:19

@Lightbulbs

Can someone tell me what a CF is? I see it on so many threads but don't know what it means. In my head, I read 'c*nt fuck'
Cheeky fucker