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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend staying over

317 replies

tireandsore101 · 03/02/2022 08:46

Hi name changed because I fear I am being unreasonable..
Good friend of mine in the middle of a breakup she lives about 2 hours away from me and asked if she can come stay with her 1 and 3 year olds for a few days while her partner moves out their home.
Obviously I'm trying to be there for her and the kids best I can so said yes.
I'm 8 months pregnant and still working full time also have a 2 year old.
I was hoping she would be considerate of those things.. I've put work off for the next few days to be available to them.
I finished a long physical shift of work last night at 8pm ish picked her up and brought her to my house she entered the house and plopped herself on the sofa and just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats. She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips after they all ate she again retreated to the sofa and left me to tidy up wash up all that baring in mind is almost 10 by now
I made a bed for them up in my sons room and moved my son into my bed but she refused to share a room with her kids and insisted she slept downstairs
I asked about them waking in the night and she told me "if they wake up just go in there put them back In bed and sit with them they won't take long to fall back to sleep" by this time my husband came home from work and cut in and told her that's not my job she will need to get up and do it
5am we were woken up to children screaming then 7am to children banging and screaming and then 8am I wake up to find her doing a full makeup and skin routine in the bathroom next to my room with her kids running around upstairs screaming at the top of their lungs.

Quick back ground so I don't drip feed
I work self employed as does my husband running our business
My 2 year old is not at nursery yet and he has always come to work with us
Sometimes he goes to bed at 7pm sometimes at 10pm he is in an awkward nap phase when if he has one he won't sleep till 10/11pm ( some times worse) and if he doesn't have a nap he becomes the devil
Since we all don't have a set routine due to work and things like that whenever we can get the rest/sleep we do
She knows how I've been struggling with sleep insomnia peeing every house and the back pain
So I asked her to be a little considerate of that I showered her around the kitchen for food and anything she might need and told her to help herself if she needs to
I'm just feeling tired and in pain and grumpy this morning
I think she feels she's on holiday and expects me to do everything
I don't know
AIBU for thinking she's being rude or inconsiderate? Or do I need to give her a break as she is going through a hard time?

OP posts:
threatmatrix · 04/02/2022 19:17

No wonder her husbands had enough. What a bloody cheek.

Londoncallingme · 04/02/2022 19:17

Blame Dh and tell her he’s said 2 nights max.

Graphista · 04/02/2022 19:24

Why on EARTH did you even entertain this idea?!

Absolutely no good reason for her to move out while he does...unless he isn't moving out and this is her moving in with you by stealth!!

I'm just so bad at confrontation!

So fed up of seeing comments like this

Nobody likes confrontation but it's part of life! Is a brief confrontation REALLY worse than putting up with all this?!

I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️**

That makes me even more concerned you have a squatter!

Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Good!!

No bloody wonder her relationship broke up!

She has NO plans, because she has moved in with YOU.

Yep!

She is quite selfish in general. Quelle surprise!

Genuinely - get yourself some assertiveness training it's AMAZING. Sounds like it would benefit your business too.

I did some around your age - game changer!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 04/02/2022 19:31

She is massively taking the piss.

I’d tell her, ‘I was expecting you to be a considerate guest. You are nothing of the sort, so I’m afraid this arrangement ends now.’

And don’t feel bad about it!

rosesandbees · 04/02/2022 19:33

So glad you managed to talk to her and have a plan for when she is leaving. You are a very kind friend! It’s super hard when someone is in a difficult place emotionally but it sounds like she isn’t the helpful sort either! I had a friend to stay once when she was going through a very stressful time, she behaved in a similar way to your friend and it was emotionally and physically exhausting for
me. Final straw was her walking out the house in the middle of the night and leaving the doors unlocked (children could have walked out without us knowing and anyone could have come in whilst we slept).
When she finally came back I had to ask her leave and won’t ever have her to stay again.
I have put some boundaries in this friendship since and I feel better for it.
I hope you can have a peaceful day on Sunday and good luck with your new baby. Hopefully now that baby and toddler groups are starting again you can make some new friends with children.

Payitforward55 · 04/02/2022 19:53

@tireandsore101

Ahh some people are so dramatic I am a grown adult And run a successful business Run my home and take care of my husband and child Just because I felt bad about potentially upsetting a friend of mine (even if she was upsetting me) And some silly comments I've become the silly little child who can't protect and take care of her family and is too dependent on my husband 😂 thank you everyone else who isn't here to insult and belittle me Definitely think some people should look in the mirror about their selves and how their words affect people no need to be nasty Thanks again
Please ignore the nasty comments. Sounds like you and your husband are a great team. You've done a great thing helping your friend when she needed someone and also managed to put some manners on her and not fall out. Success all round. Roll on Saturday you can get your personal space back and your good turn will be complete.
Vinomummyinlockdown · 04/02/2022 19:54

Get her out before YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND end up in a break up too with this CF-ery going on!!!!!

Derkle · 04/02/2022 20:00

A, she's not a friend and
B, I reckon I can guess why she's getting (being?) Divorced. Lazy, entitled cow.
Get her out of your house asap.

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 04/02/2022 20:17

I'm fuming reading that. I'd tell her to get the F out now and don't speak to me ever again. How incredulously inconsiderate, entitled, and rude.

Winterflower84 · 04/02/2022 20:24

How easily you call someone like that a friend!
No, she's not a friend, she's just a selfish, inconsiderate, shameless person.
Her partner has had enough probably. Don't blame him!

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 04/02/2022 20:26

Well is she normally like this??
If not then I’d tolerate for a bit. From her perspective, she’s now a single parent, just gone through a break up with 2 very small children, whilst you are married with a supportive husband, and one child. Life probably is a lot easier for you right now.
All the same, she sounds annoying and thoughtless.

PinkSyCo · 04/02/2022 20:29

Fucking hell she sounds absolutely awful! Tell her this isn’t working for you and she will need to leave in the morning.
I’m a bit confused however about how you managed to pick her up, unpack the car, feed her kids and then tidy and wash up in less than 2 hours when she lives 2 hours away?

retirementrocks · 04/02/2022 20:50

You are clearly and very kind person and a good friend. However, it is time to ask her to find somewhere else to stay as she is clearly well and truly taking the piss!

August1980 · 04/02/2022 20:56

I am
So annoyed on your behalf! She needs to go…

Mandyjack · 04/02/2022 20:59

Sounds to me she is taking the p*ss tbh! You need to be firm with her, don't let her boss you about its your house hour rules and your hubby was right to speak up. Make sure she doesn't overstay. 1 day should be enough anyway for her DH to move out

Honest2you · 04/02/2022 21:08

This is a bloody joke. You have been more than understanding and a good friend to her, but it's time she goes home. You need to think of your well-being, your husband and your child. I hope it works out for the best.

Thatsplentyjack · 04/02/2022 21:43

Some of these comments are ridiculous. Why are some of you so angry at the OP?

Cherryberrybonbon · 04/02/2022 22:21

Some of the comments on this post are the reason I fucking hate mumsnet. Nobody knows the OP except for what she has written in her post yet people automatically see the “pathetic” side of her post (I’m not calling her pathetic just a choice of word) and used it to start putting her down. Have none of you ever been in a scenario where you look back and think I should have said something about that, or why on earth have I just let that happen? But I’ll keep my mouth shut because I can’t be bothered with the agro…. Keyboard warriors, purposely coming online to bitch at people probably because you won’t do it when in real company 😂
OP don’t get your back up and let the comments bother you

mrbreezeet1 · 04/02/2022 22:22

yaNbu........
She is being very inconsiderate

browneyes77 · 04/02/2022 22:27

@Mumontour85

How fucking rude is she??!! I mean... the audacity of asking a friend for a massive favour - because FYI, it IS A MASSIVE FAVOUR to ask someone to house you AND your two kids - and then behaving in this way is just too much.

And you're 8 months preggers and she's just watching you run around after her AND making demands?!

'You need to feed my kids'
'If they wake up just put them back to bed'

I mean, this all gives potentially fair reasons as to why her relationship broke down! What a self absorbed asshole!

Most guests would be making dinner, easing the stress, offering to help in any way they can to pay their way...

Please don't feel anything but lucky that you found an awesome man that looks after you! He sounds like a wonderful man and I'm glad he's got your back and defends your honour! Please also don't feel like a pushover, you're a good friend and didn't want want hurt someone going through something horrid. Having said that, you also need to look after yourself and put you first!!

I agree!!
browneyes77 · 04/02/2022 22:30

@Cherryberrybonbon

Some of the comments on this post are the reason I fucking hate mumsnet. Nobody knows the OP except for what she has written in her post yet people automatically see the “pathetic” side of her post (I’m not calling her pathetic just a choice of word) and used it to start putting her down. Have none of you ever been in a scenario where you look back and think I should have said something about that, or why on earth have I just let that happen? But I’ll keep my mouth shut because I can’t be bothered with the agro…. Keyboard warriors, purposely coming online to bitch at people probably because you won’t do it when in real company 😂 OP don’t get your back up and let the comments bother you
I agree. It’s all too easy to tell someone they should do this and that, forgetting that not everyone is the same and that we’ve probably all had moments like this at times with people we consider friends. Times where we’ve kept schtum instead of saying something.

It’s easier said than done!

Batoutofhell70 · 04/02/2022 22:35

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deste · 04/02/2022 22:36

How rude.

Melkam · 04/02/2022 22:40

Sounds like your hubby is happy to take her on. So both sit down with her and let your hubby talk, tell her she had one chance and its gone, so its either comply or goodbye. You are actually doing HER the favour, she needs to realise this.

BikiniB0tt0m · 04/02/2022 23:03

Op ignore the comments that put you down l about you being a push over. Some people seem to think a person will listen more if they put them down and name call. You knew you had a weakness you asked for advice, nothing wrong in having a supportive partner to help you (after all you are a team) and it always takes time to change habits and parts of our personalities we want to improve, its doesn't happen overnight you already have been doing this more now with the cheeky friend. So don't feel discouraged or put down by a minority of posts Smile