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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend staying over

317 replies

tireandsore101 · 03/02/2022 08:46

Hi name changed because I fear I am being unreasonable..
Good friend of mine in the middle of a breakup she lives about 2 hours away from me and asked if she can come stay with her 1 and 3 year olds for a few days while her partner moves out their home.
Obviously I'm trying to be there for her and the kids best I can so said yes.
I'm 8 months pregnant and still working full time also have a 2 year old.
I was hoping she would be considerate of those things.. I've put work off for the next few days to be available to them.
I finished a long physical shift of work last night at 8pm ish picked her up and brought her to my house she entered the house and plopped herself on the sofa and just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats. She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips after they all ate she again retreated to the sofa and left me to tidy up wash up all that baring in mind is almost 10 by now
I made a bed for them up in my sons room and moved my son into my bed but she refused to share a room with her kids and insisted she slept downstairs
I asked about them waking in the night and she told me "if they wake up just go in there put them back In bed and sit with them they won't take long to fall back to sleep" by this time my husband came home from work and cut in and told her that's not my job she will need to get up and do it
5am we were woken up to children screaming then 7am to children banging and screaming and then 8am I wake up to find her doing a full makeup and skin routine in the bathroom next to my room with her kids running around upstairs screaming at the top of their lungs.

Quick back ground so I don't drip feed
I work self employed as does my husband running our business
My 2 year old is not at nursery yet and he has always come to work with us
Sometimes he goes to bed at 7pm sometimes at 10pm he is in an awkward nap phase when if he has one he won't sleep till 10/11pm ( some times worse) and if he doesn't have a nap he becomes the devil
Since we all don't have a set routine due to work and things like that whenever we can get the rest/sleep we do
She knows how I've been struggling with sleep insomnia peeing every house and the back pain
So I asked her to be a little considerate of that I showered her around the kitchen for food and anything she might need and told her to help herself if she needs to
I'm just feeling tired and in pain and grumpy this morning
I think she feels she's on holiday and expects me to do everything
I don't know
AIBU for thinking she's being rude or inconsiderate? Or do I need to give her a break as she is going through a hard time?

OP posts:
FFSFFSFFS · 03/02/2022 08:48

Honestly - she is not someone who is going to bring anything to your life - tell
Her it is not working and she will have to go back to her house and deal with interacting with her partner.

thewomanacrossthestreet · 03/02/2022 08:48

No wonder her DP had enough of her....

Just tell her to leave OP just say sorry this isn't going to work out if you can't be helpful or give me a hand. They are your children and I expect you to look after them in these circumstances. She's a CF.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/02/2022 08:48

You need to call her out on this now.

"Friend, these are your kids. This is my home and I have already bent over backwards in the last 24 hours for you. Pull your weight now or pack up and go"

MichelleScarn · 03/02/2022 08:48

No break for her, she's rude and ungrateful. Start planning her leaving now. Especially as she'll expect you to ferry her home.

Rory1234 · 03/02/2022 08:49

I would immediately agree when she is leaving. She is not a good friend if she is treating you like this.

I would invent a relative who is coming to stay as soon as possible and give her a deadline to leave.

KitchenTowel · 03/02/2022 08:49

Huh? Is she going through a breakup or have her limbs fallen off?

And those kids will want their parent in the night (especially after a breakup). Not you.

Yanbu.

jay55 · 03/02/2022 08:49

You're 8 months pregnant and she sat on the sofa and watched you carry everything in?

She's a total scumbag and no friend at all.
She can go to a hotel.

Original poster
tireandsore101 · 03/02/2022 08:49

Peeing every hour**
And showed her around the house**
Sorry brain isn't working

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2022 08:50

I would be showing her arse the door and then shoving her through it.

thewomanacrossthestreet · 03/02/2022 08:50

Op stop worrying about spelling mistakes and get rid of her now. Grin
She's no friend to you. She's using you as a skivvy!

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 03/02/2022 08:51

Wow, she’s an ungrateful mare isn’t she!

Do you have a confirmed date for her to leave?, she bloody won’t if you’re running around waiting on her hand and foot!

icelollycraving · 03/02/2022 08:51

Tell her that if she wants to stay, she needs to look after her own children and be respectful. If she can’t, she can go home.
Nip it in the bud now.

Ragruggers · 03/02/2022 08:52

Awful situation.Tell her this is too much and look for an Airbnb,She could visit you when you are available during the day or in the park.No friend would treat anyone like this.This will not end well,good luck but speak up if she gets nasty you have your answer she is a user.

Original poster
tireandsore101 · 03/02/2022 08:52

I'm just so bad at confrontation!
When she was doing her make up I did get up and tell her she's going to wake up my son can she not do that later and take her kids down
But I feel so guilty and bad
I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️
Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Mosaic123 · 03/02/2022 08:53

Wow. She's being very inconsiderate. I think you and your husband need to have a formal chat with her and explain that you are not a hotel or a childcare facility and she needs to take total responsibility for her own children plus sorting out meals for them and herself.

Be polite but direct as she clearly has no idea.

If she gets very offended she can go to an actual hotel.

Datada · 03/02/2022 08:53

She has caused you a lot of stress already! Put her kids back to bed at night, noooo. You are not her unpaid nanny. Drive her back to the train station, asap. Unfortunately, this is one of those life lessons, where you learned that being generous and caring can backfire, when dealing with a cf.

Chloemol · 03/02/2022 08:58

Put you big girl pants on, draw up a list of rules, if she looks after her kids, she can prepare the evening meal for everyone, wash up etc, and tell her when she is leaving

She asked for 2/3 days. Tell her you expect her gone on Saturdayb

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 03/02/2022 09:02

Nope… you can’t be wishy washy on this op

“Hi friend, just to let you know that we have guests coming to stay on monday, so I will need the rooms back by sunday night. Happy to help you move into your next accomodation - where are you moving to?”

KitchenTowel · 03/02/2022 09:03

@tireandsore101

I'm just so bad at confrontation! When she was doing her make up I did get up and tell her she's going to wake up my son can she not do that later and take her kids down But I feel so guilty and bad I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️ Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
I suck at confrontation too. Could you try something else: don't xonfront her and don't call her out on her bad behaviour but whenever she asks you to do something or expects you to do something just say: "no, I cant do that. Can you do that please." Keep repeating that.

Failing everything do tell your husband and let him confront her. I'm not sure this is a friendship you can or should preserve... definitely not with with this dynamic.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 03/02/2022 09:06

Fuck no-she’s using you.
Discussion as above!

CandyMan89 · 03/02/2022 09:08

Her partner is probably fed up with her selfishness! Give her a time frame. A week is more than enough. 3 days is better. If you can't. I'm sure your husband can. You'll want time just the three of you before your new born arrives.

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 03/02/2022 09:10

Glad you have a supportive DH! Yes definitely tell him and let him sort her rudeness out if you dont feel able to.

You have choices - put up with it, let DH deal with her, or pent it all up and explode.

TheOccupier · 03/02/2022 09:10

Get her out now before she gets her feet under the table! Put the TV on for the DCs and get your DH to sit down with the two of you and tell her.

How long can one man take to move out of a house anyway? Are you in touch with her partner?

Darbs76 · 03/02/2022 09:11

Wow, she’s very rude and very inconsiderate. Give her a couple of days (and tell her to wash up / get up with her kids etc) then tell her she needs to go home as you’re heavily pregnant and need your rest

NoneLeft2 · 03/02/2022 09:15

Wow, she's a shit friend expecting all of that from anyone nevermind a heavily pregnant woman. Send her home.