Friend staying over

[tireandsore101]

Hi name changed because I fear I am being unreasonable..
Good friend of mine in the middle of a breakup she lives about 2 hours away from me and asked if she can come stay with her 1 and 3 year olds for a few days while her partner moves out their home.
Obviously I'm trying to be there for her and the kids best I can so said yes.
I'm 8 months pregnant and still working full time also have a 2 year old.
I was hoping she would be considerate of those things.. I've put work off for the next few days to be available to them.
I finished a long physical shift of work last night at 8pm ish picked her up and brought her to my house she entered the house and plopped herself on the sofa and just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats. She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips after they all ate she again retreated to the sofa and left me to tidy up wash up all that baring in mind is almost 10 by now
I made a bed for them up in my sons room and moved my son into my bed but she refused to share a room with her kids and insisted she slept downstairs
I asked about them waking in the night and she told me "if they wake up just go in there put them back In bed and sit with them they won't take long to fall back to sleep" by this time my husband came home from work and cut in and told her that's not my job she will need to get up and do it
5am we were woken up to children screaming then 7am to children banging and screaming and then 8am I wake up to find her doing a full makeup and skin routine in the bathroom next to my room with her kids running around upstairs screaming at the top of their lungs.

Quick back ground so I don't drip feed
I work self employed as does my husband running our business
My 2 year old is not at nursery yet and he has always come to work with us
Sometimes he goes to bed at 7pm sometimes at 10pm he is in an awkward nap phase when if he has one he won't sleep till 10/11pm ( some times worse) and if he doesn't have a nap he becomes the devil
Since we all don't have a set routine due to work and things like that whenever we can get the rest/sleep we do
She knows how I've been struggling with sleep insomnia peeing every house and the back pain
So I asked her to be a little considerate of that I showered her around the kitchen for food and anything she might need and told her to help herself if she needs to
I'm just feeling tired and in pain and grumpy this morning
I think she feels she's on holiday and expects me to do everything
I don't know
AIBU for thinking she's being rude or inconsiderate? Or do I need to give her a break as she is going through a hard time?

Sorry, that should read that's more than fair.She's no friend

No friend

Yup, her dh needs to stay elsewhere and she can go home. You’re going to do yourself an injury if you aren’t careful. Don’t put yourself out for her!

Oh my goodness she is not a friend, she is a freeloader with kids.

I really hope you get her to leave along with her kids because her life (and those of her kids) is not for you to fix, it's for her to fix.

I'd wonder if she was as lazy with her partner which is why they are leaving her? Perhaps they had a similar conversation and the partner had enough. I do understand that I'm guessing here but FFS....who lets their kids mash food into anything belonging to another adult without putting a stop to it and cleaning it up without having to be told do it???

Hope the conversation goes well and do you know what? Even if it doesn't and she leaves, well, that's a result too.

She would be out this evening. Fuck that. Sorry, but she's using you completely.

What a horrible woman. You're not a hotel and a maid and nanny!! I can't actually believe you did all that. I would've told her immediately that she helps bring in shopping / makes her own kids' dinner and sees to her own kids in the night or she can do one.
Her poor children. It's no wonder the partner is leaving her

@Opus17

What a horrible woman. You're not a hotel and a maid and nanny!! I can't actually believe you did all that. I would've told her immediately that she helps bring in shopping / makes her own kids' dinner and sees to her own kids in the night or she can do one. Her poor children. It's no wonder the partner is leaving her

I know shocking to be such a pushover. I wouldn't put up with 1% of it.

You need to say baby is due x date and you need to get the house ready so they they need to leave by x date. Just make sure the date they need to leave by is next week. It’s not fair but I also wouldn’t want to ruin the friendship (even if it does seem one sided)

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

You need to call her out on this now.

"Friend, these are your kids. This is my home and I have already bent over backwards in the last 24 hours for you. Pull your weight now or pack up and go"

Quite agree. Your friend is taking the piss.

Make sure it is only for a few days.

This is horrendous. Get rid of her now or you could easily end up in a situation where you've gone into labour with her still at your house.

Tell her to hell you should be well rested at this stage not adding more stress

Okay guys haha the doormat/pushover comments 🤦‍♀️ I know I can be like that and I'm working on it. I'm definitely a people pleaser as much as I hate to admit it.
Also no I haven't posted about this issue before I didn't know it was happening until yesterday morning AND she's been making comments this morning about how she knows someone else who did this and then just forgave their partner and let them stay blah blah so sounds like her partner isn't even leaving at all.. and to the person who asked if she's contributing financially no she definitely is not and I'm infact losing out on money by staying home with them today and tomorrow and obviously food and stuff like that
my husband came home for lunch cause he was worried about me 😂🤦‍♀️ (just shows he knows what I'm like) and he managed to sort out her leaving on Saturday and he even offered to drive them home so I don't have to..
now I have a day she's leaving I feel completely better like I know it's not going to last forever..
she's currently making her children sandwiches for lunch while me and my 2 year old snuggle on the sofa watching coco melon.. I suppose it didn't take much to give her a reality check that I'm not gonna run around after her
Thank you all I 100% would of ended up waiting on her hand and foot if I didn't read your comments
Can't help but laugh at how much I depend on my husband to take care of me I don't know when that started lol I used to be a lot more of a stronger person I think I'm just used to him taking care of my problems and making my life too easy 🤦‍♀️

Don’t supposed it occurred to her to feed you or your kid? She is a leech.

So the agreement was that she and the kids would stay "for a few days while her partner moves out their home" - I think you need to be very, very clear exactly when those few days end, and above all don't make it "until he moves out" because that's not within your control.

If she arrived yesterday, I think the agreement of staying "a few days" can't reasonably be expected to extend beyond Saturday - maybe till the end of the weekend at a push. And that's for a houseguest who pulls their weight and doesn't cause you any bother!

@tireandsore101

I'm just so bad at confrontation! When she was doing her make up I did get up and tell her she's going to wake up my son can she not do that later and take her kids down But I feel so guilty and bad I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️ Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

get better at it now!

Cross posted, glad your DH sorted it out but I think you need to get better at standing up for yourself or you're going to find yourself being taken advantage of on a regular basis!! I'm glad you're working on it and hope your backbone is stiffening daily

I wouldn't have put up with that for more than a second . Get your husband to deal with her and get her out ASAP.

OP i understand hating confrontation but please do not let that stop you from telling your husband and letting him confront her remember he will be doing this to protect you , your unborn baby and your toddler. You sound very kind and sweet and wanting to be helpful to your friend. There is no shame in letting your husband deal with your friend if you feel that's easier. All thr best you sound like a lovely friend and in sad she is trying to take advantage. No offence also op but i am not sure a true friend would want to impose them self upon someone heavily pregnant and with a toddler and especially would not do so and expect to be waited on hand and foot whilst creating teams of extra work and expensyou!! X

I couldn’t even read to the end of your OP without skipping ahead to the comment box to say:
Get rid of her now. Tell her it’s not working out. She’s using you as free childcare and walking all over you. I can’t believe she expected food to be made and served and told you to put her kids back to bed if they woke up! What bullshit!!

She really isn’t a very good friend.

So, has her partner actually moved out?

Wow get her out now! I'm 8 months pregnant too and couldn't cope well with your level of activity! She sounds unbelievably cheeky.

Yay great update op.

So pleased to see your update, your DH is a diamond.

Phew! Just hope she goes?

Well done op! What an absolute cow. I'd seriously reconsider the friendship after this. Just make sure she actually bloody leaves.