Friend staying over

[tireandsore101]

Hi name changed because I fear I am being unreasonable..
Good friend of mine in the middle of a breakup she lives about 2 hours away from me and asked if she can come stay with her 1 and 3 year olds for a few days while her partner moves out their home.
Obviously I'm trying to be there for her and the kids best I can so said yes.
I'm 8 months pregnant and still working full time also have a 2 year old.
I was hoping she would be considerate of those things.. I've put work off for the next few days to be available to them.
I finished a long physical shift of work last night at 8pm ish picked her up and brought her to my house she entered the house and plopped herself on the sofa and just watched as I struggled to bring the shopping I picked up for her and her 100s of bags/prams/car seats. She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips after they all ate she again retreated to the sofa and left me to tidy up wash up all that baring in mind is almost 10 by now
I made a bed for them up in my sons room and moved my son into my bed but she refused to share a room with her kids and insisted she slept downstairs
I asked about them waking in the night and she told me "if they wake up just go in there put them back In bed and sit with them they won't take long to fall back to sleep" by this time my husband came home from work and cut in and told her that's not my job she will need to get up and do it
5am we were woken up to children screaming then 7am to children banging and screaming and then 8am I wake up to find her doing a full makeup and skin routine in the bathroom next to my room with her kids running around upstairs screaming at the top of their lungs.

Quick back ground so I don't drip feed
I work self employed as does my husband running our business
My 2 year old is not at nursery yet and he has always come to work with us
Sometimes he goes to bed at 7pm sometimes at 10pm he is in an awkward nap phase when if he has one he won't sleep till 10/11pm ( some times worse) and if he doesn't have a nap he becomes the devil
Since we all don't have a set routine due to work and things like that whenever we can get the rest/sleep we do
She knows how I've been struggling with sleep insomnia peeing every house and the back pain
So I asked her to be a little considerate of that I showered her around the kitchen for food and anything she might need and told her to help herself if she needs to
I'm just feeling tired and in pain and grumpy this morning
I think she feels she's on holiday and expects me to do everything
I don't know
AIBU for thinking she's being rude or inconsiderate? Or do I need to give her a break as she is going through a hard time?

Okay guys
I'm gonna man up
I've just got up done my usual morning chores fed my little one and sitting down for something to eat myself now
I did come down the discover her 1 year old smushing bananas into my sofa cushions and I immediately told her to clean it up and that we don't allow the children to eat in the living room especially not things like that
And she did clean it straight up
I'm gonna do my best to put my foot down
You've hit my weakness I will never allow someone to make my husband and son feel uncomfortable in their own home
I can do this
Update later
Thanks for you comments

Is her ex just leaving or running fornthe hills?? What a bitch 😬

Really!?

Good luck ! Youncan do this … you have to put your pregnancy and your baby little boy first

What if all this stress sends you to early labour ! So dont do this !

Good luck OP! What a nightmare

She has treated you like a servant and been rude in your home, as well as creating cost, mess and sleep disruption. I would tell her clearly that she must leave today for being so terribly rude since her arrival, and I wouldn't be bothered about the end of that friendship.

Well done OP. Ask her today exactly how long she will be staying (max 2/3 more nights?) and every time reiterate that she is still responsible for her children.

Oh my...

YANBU
She’s going through a lot but there’s absolutely no need to be rude or act ungrateful.

You need to stop treating her like she’s ill. You don’t need to be confrontational but when you’re bringing the shopping in say “can you go and grab the rest of the bags”.

The biggest red flag here is that she didn’t want to sleep in the same room as her children - most people would feel uncomfortable taking up a front room and their kids crying in the night.

Some people have partners so they can be taken care of. Your friend seems like this type of person.
I would be very careful she’s not using you to replace her ex.

I remember my CF got in touch after years of not speaking to tell me that her bf might be going to jail and she’ll have to come and live with me until he gets out. As soon as they found out he wasn’t going to jail I stopped hearing from her.
Some people are just users.

Oh god she's a cheeky bitch. She's not a friend, you're her doormat. She's not worth putting ahead of your son or your DH.

It sounds like your partner has more of a backbone so if you can't do it get him to.

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat? For goodness sake get a grip and tell her to leave. She is no friend!

Your friend’s husband might have just found himself two allies in you and your DH. Your friend is an entitled, lazy PITA who needs to be told that the sun does not shine out of her arsehole and that it’s time she woke up to herself before she finds herself utterly alone in the world.

No wonder her partner gave her the boot.

Tell her she needs to go home.
Today.

Omg reminds me of a friend who came to visit for a few days after I'd given birth. She expected to be waited on hand and foot. I was struggling with meeting baby's needs, let alone my own... It was lunchtime and baby needed nappy change and I asked her to make her own lunch, she refused saying can I make it. Nightmare, she was never invited around again.

I feel sorry for her children, but You need to get her out asap. Saturday morning, if not before. Lazy and entitled, and ungrateful

I'd get your husband yo tell her to leave, by Sunday. They need to go.

@tireandsore101

I'm just so bad at confrontation! When she was doing her make up I did get up and tell her she's going to wake up my son can she not do that later and take her kids down But I feel so guilty and bad I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️ Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

She’s plonked herself in your home and foisted the work and responsibility onto you at 8 months pregnant - even tried to make you look after her kids FFS !! Not hard to see why her relationship is breaking up is it ?

The reason I quoted your post above is because it makes it clear that you KNOW she’s treating you like a skivvy. Saying you’re bad at confrontation is an excuse for not dealing with this twattish behaviour, so you’re actually facilitating it - and WTAF are you feeling guilty and bad for ? You need to put on your big girl pants and tell her to either clean up her act and pull her weight for the time she’s with you or leave immediately. Don’t allow her to brush off your questions about how long she intends to stay either. It wasn’t an open ended invitation and it’s not a holiday - she wanted out while her ex collects his stuff so pin her down as to exactly how long she expects that to take and make it clear there’s a time limit. I suspect that if you call her out on her bad behaviour and stop running round after her, she won’t stay much longer anyway.

Just tell her its not working out and she needs to go home today. No ifs no buts.

Also how long does it take for someone’s partner to move out?

Surely it’s a day, 2 days absolute max.

@tireandsore101

I'm just so bad at confrontation! When she was doing her make up I did get up and tell her she's going to wake up my son can she not do that later and take her kids down But I feel so guilty and bad I asked a few times (casually) when she plans to go home and she keeps brushing it off saying she has no plans 🤦‍♀️ Yeah I didn't tell my husband about her making me carry the bags he would of been fuming and made her leave that instant 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Will you stop being a wet lettuce!!

All you had to say was 'Hey, I'm not your porter. Bring your own stuff in and help me with the shopping'

A couple of hours later 'Piss off home. You're taking advantage and I can't do this'

And if you can't do it. Tell your husband. She'll be no loss, she's a selfish cow.

She then informed me her kids were hungry and I needed to make them something so I made them some popcorn chicken and chips
I can't really get past this.
HER kids, and YOU needed to make them food?
The response surely is 'What? You feed them.'

Easily solved… your DH tells her today either by text (if he’s out) or in person that you have plans on Saturday afternoon so she will be leaving on Saturday morning under her own steam, neither of you will be taking them home.

@tireandsore101 pleas3 tell her that either your or your hubby will drop her back home on saturday. If you find it hard let your husband tell her. Dont say sunday so that you can take time to relax on sunday and get yourself together!.

She is crazy AF!

Why are some people so rude and the receiptent just takes it?? I like the idea of saying someone is coming to stay if you really dont feel you can call out her selfish behaviour. I would ask her to leave now. Otherwise she will make lots of promises and do very little.

She also doesnt sound like a friend to you...

Dont leave this open ended either.