that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

@Chloemol

She is 15. Old enough to understand consequences

So you have a choice, she gets the 3 buses home
You pick her up and bend her ear so much she never does it again
You make her pay for a taxi from her own money

I actually have another choice, which I posted about 753 messages ago.

My partner is collecting her next week after her (inappropriately given) detention as it fits with his shifts.

@Chloemol

She is 15. Old enough to understand consequences

So you have a choice, she gets the 3 buses home
You pick her up and bend her ear so much she never does it again
You make her pay for a taxi from her own money

Sheesh

Unless of course I decide to further contest it. I'll sleep on that one though.

Maybe you should inconvenience the child and ground her for the weekend as well. Then she’ll have plenty of time do finish the homework that she’s late handling in. You sound more stressed by after school detention than she does.

Why though? ‘Blindly follow orders’ is a shit message.

How is it blindly following orders? Homework is to reinforce learning/encourage independent study as a pp said. Due to covid, some subjects have only been touched upon in lesson time and the homework is essential. So yes, follow the rules and do the homework unless you don’t want to pass your GCSEs.
And if you feel the homework isn’t reinforcing learning or teaching your child to study independently, I’d move schools as I wouldn’t accept my child not getting the most from their education.

You sound more stressed by after school detention than she does.

Well, yes. As would you if you paid £60 a month for transport to get your child safely home to a rural area that is poorly serviced by public transport, and you were unable to leave work to collect her.

Wow OP, you've had a rough time on this thread!

For a site that is so alive to the many stories of adult women who have felt unsafe walking alone in busy areas, I'm really surprised that the attitude towards teen girls travelling alone and in the dark is so blase.

Obviously it would be great if she didnt get a detention in the first place but she has one and your concerns hardly seem wild.

I'm late to the party, and I can see things have moved on, but going back to the original point, could Covid be a factor OP?
We also live in a rural area and the vast majority of pupils at my children's school arrive and leave on dedicated school buses. Public transport is poir, so parents usually need to pick up if they miss their buses. Hence in normal times, an after school detention is a big thing and is reserved for serious or repeat offenders. I'm not exactly sure how much, but parents always get a reasonable amount of notice in recognition of the logistical problems caused.
However, during Covid lunchtimes were shortened and staggered so that different year groups were kept apart as much as possible. Hence lunchtime detentions were curtailed. I believe they've been reinstated now as lunchtime is back to the normal length, but last term I did hear of some kids getting after school detentions for things that I don't think would normally warrant them. Just wondered if this could be something similar. I know it doesn't solve the problem but sometimes things are a bit less irritating if there's an understandable reason. Apols if this has been suggested already - I've not read all 900+ posts.

have you read through the post, OP daughter did complete her homework, she didn't know the answer to one of the questions so she has been given detention? What message is that giving to students?

That it’s not acceptable to not complete homework. And to ask for help. Good lessons.

[quote Wheelz46]@100problems have you read through the post, OP daughter did complete her homework, she didn't know the answer to one of the questions so she has been given detention? What message is that giving to students?[/quote]

No one has read through any of the posts, I don't think.

Wow OP, you've had a rough time on this thread!

Haha. Walk in the park compared to what I deal with at work.

@MrHavelIsHot

Why though? ‘Blindly follow orders’ is a shit message.

How is it blindly following orders? Homework is to reinforce learning/encourage independent study as a pp said. Due to covid, some subjects have only been touched upon in lesson time and the homework is essential. So yes, follow the rules and do the homework unless you don’t want to pass your GCSEs.
And if you feel the homework isn’t reinforcing learning or teaching your child to study independently, I’d move schools as I wouldn’t accept my child not getting the most from their education.

No, homework is a complete waste of time. I promise you, you won’t find a teacher who disagrees.

@Chloemol

She is 15. Old enough to understand consequences

So you have a choice, she gets the 3 buses home
You pick her up and bend her ear so much she never does it again
You make her pay for a taxi from her own money

Why?

@MrsAvocet

I'm late to the party, and I can see things have moved on, but going back to the original point, could Covid be a factor OP? We also live in a rural area and the vast majority of pupils at my children's school arrive and leave on dedicated school buses. Public transport is poir, so parents usually need to pick up if they miss their buses. Hence in normal times, an after school detention is a big thing and is reserved for serious or repeat offenders. I'm not exactly sure how much, but parents always get a reasonable amount of notice in recognition of the logistical problems caused. However, during Covid lunchtimes were shortened and staggered so that different year groups were kept apart as much as possible. Hence lunchtime detentions were curtailed. I believe they've been reinstated now as lunchtime is back to the normal length, but last term I did hear of some kids getting after school detentions for things that I don't think would normally warrant them. Just wondered if this could be something similar. I know it doesn't solve the problem but sometimes things are a bit less irritating if there's an understandable reason. Apols if this has been suggested already - I've not read all 900+ posts.

This in fact hasn't been suggested previously - it may well be a factor actually, good point.

At university and at work, having an honest try then turning it in/telling your boss you couldn’t do the last bit is much better than not doing anything at all. It’s also a solid exam technique.

Why is the school trying to teach teenagers that trying and only getting 90% of the way there is not a valid way to work?

Plus there is still no response as to why teenagers who live at the end of the school bus route deserve a much harsher punishment than those who are a 5 min walk away. Especially as those teenagers have a typically harder day anyway.

@ljs22

What a dickhead response!

Which one? I've lost track....

Just started reading this thread and thought the "just tell your daughter to stop getting detentions" comment was outrageous. Have now read the rest of it and it appears the dickhead/patronising/'mum of the year' brigade are out in full force. Genuinely can't believe some of the responses you've had on here. (Oh and guess what? I'm a secondary school teacher!)

No, homework is a complete waste of time. I promise you, you won’t find a teacher who disagrees.

My DD's does 😂
(unless she is pretending to support it!)

*At university and at work, having an honest try then turning it in/telling your boss you couldn’t do the last bit is much better than not doing anything at all. It’s also a solid exam technique.

Why is the school trying to teach teenagers that trying and only getting 90% of the way there is not a valid way to work?*

Precisely this 👏🏻

No, homework is a complete waste of time. I promise you, you won’t find a teacher who disagrees.

I have 5 teachers amongst my family and friends. I also see the homework set for my children, one in secondary, one at college doing A levels. It’s always relevant and reinforces knowledge. At 15, lots of past exam questions which they then get the opportunity to go through with the teacher with a mark scheme. They go to good schools and the teachers are excellent. If your schools homework is shit, then complain.

For a site that is so alive to the many stories of adult women who have felt unsafe walking alone in busy areas, I'm really surprised that the attitude towards teen girls travelling alone and in the dark is so blase.

It's because I mentioned teachers supervising lunch time detentions. It opened the doors for a lot of projection. If my OP had had nothing to do with school or detention, and was simply AIBU to think my DD shouldn't do this journey from school alone with the dark nights, the answers would be NO she fucking shouldn't, why are you even asking?! Etc etc.

You need to manage the behaviour. What other consequences does she have? If she has a detention does something else happen or is it just that. She should lose her phone for the evening. If she has more than one detention in a week she loses it for a weekend. Phone usage is the only thing that works with my teen.

@JustKeepSwimmingJust

At university and at work, having an honest try then turning it in/telling your boss you couldn’t do the last bit is much better than not doing anything at all. It’s also a solid exam technique.

Why is the school trying to teach teenagers that trying and only getting 90% of the way there is not a valid way to work?

Plus there is still no response as to why teenagers who live at the end of the school bus route deserve a much harsher punishment than those who are a 5 min walk away. Especially as those teenagers have a typically harder day anyway.

Agree 💯 with this. I work at a university.

As for the after school detention and your daughter travelling alone at night, I think you were right to be concerned and get it changed to a different day to ensure her safety. So we agree on something. 😂

Have you tried tar and feathers OP?

@Kteeb1

You need to manage the behaviour. What other consequences does she have? If she has a detention does something else happen or is it just that. She should lose her phone for the evening. If she has more than one detention in a week she loses it for a weekend. Phone usage is the only thing that works with my teen.

She never has more than one a week, bloody hell, I'd be livid with her. This is her second one since starting Yr 10 in Sept, if that gives you an idea.

There's no "behaviour" to be managed in this instance, though. She tried her best, she completed 90% of the work set for her and made a stab at the final 10%, giving up on it when she struggled. Her only crime was to not persist, or ask for help from her teacher.

If anyone can find behaviour that needs "managing" within that overall context, well.... good luck to them.