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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school should offer lunch time detentions?

1000 replies

ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:40

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

OP posts:
LunchBoxPolice · 03/02/2022 19:35

Yanbu to think that the detention is an overreaction to partially completed homework.
Yanbu to not allow your teenage daughter to get home via bus under the circumstances. I wouldn’t either.
Yabu to remain so calm in the face of so many idiotic posts Grin

GalaxyOnOrionsBelt · 03/02/2022 19:37

@LunchBoxPolice

Yanbu to think that the detention is an overreaction to partially completed homework. Yanbu to not allow your teenage daughter to get home via bus under the circumstances. I wouldn’t either. Yabu to remain so calm in the face of so many idiotic posts Grin
gavel
ElevenSmiles · 03/02/2022 19:39

OH SHIT......I missed Rumpole.......the boring one.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 03/02/2022 19:40

@ElevenSmiles

OH SHIT......I missed Rumpole.......the boring one.
Have you been drinking?
Original poster
ljs22 · 03/02/2022 19:40

@LunchBoxPolice

Yanbu to think that the detention is an overreaction to partially completed homework. Yanbu to not allow your teenage daughter to get home via bus under the circumstances. I wouldn’t either. Yabu to remain so calm in the face of so many idiotic posts Grin

Point taken! Grin
Patience and a poker face in surreal situations is part of my job description (psychiatry). I must just be very well practiced at this now!

OP posts:
RumpoleoftheBaileys · 03/02/2022 19:42

Also - @ElevenSmiles - did you forget you posted this?

"I'm that laid back parent that thinks sats are a waste of time, would never force my primary school age kids to do homework. not involved with school stuff and still my kids are doing fine."

ElevenSmiles · 03/02/2022 19:44

Yep true.....Your point issssssss

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 03/02/2022 19:46

That for someone with your views, who is trying to paint the OP as wrong, is pretty hypocritical.

ElevenSmiles · 03/02/2022 19:46

As you can see I don't name change.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 03/02/2022 19:47

I didn't suggest you did.

ElevenSmiles · 03/02/2022 19:48

Not painting anything NHS IS WRONG.

ElevenSmiles · 03/02/2022 19:52

I don't hide behind different names do you ? I can't be arsed looking.

OverCCCs · 03/02/2022 19:57

“She doesn't say to her teacher that she can't be bothered- she says it to me. She isn't the sort of girl to say things like that to a teacher, she's a polite and well mannered girl.”
Then, presumably, she must have lied to the teacher when asked why she didn’t have it, correct? Given what a big deal this school makes over a single homework question, I expect they always ask over missing homework and she doubtfully just stood there mute.

Leaving the detention issue aside, I think it’s risky to convince yourself (the general you) that your teenager doesn’t lie. All teens lie. It’s developmentally appropriate.

Sowhatifiam · 03/02/2022 20:01

You do not have to "go without lunch" just because you're sitting in a room with students. It is physically possible to, you know, eat whilst you supervise them

You eat your lunch in front of your clients?

Schools won’t allow hot food to be walked around school, sure, they can have a sandwich, but why should it be a working lunch? I mean, presumably you get the space to eat lunch, make a coffee and have a quick chat with colleagues? Your daughter’s teachers shouldn’t have this same opportunity because she didn’t do her homework? If it’s unreasonable you don’t get to eat whilst you’re at work, why is it reasonable a teacher doesn’t?

100problems · 03/02/2022 20:03

The point of doing homework is to reinforce learning through independent study.

My son's school give Saturday morning detentions for kids that just don't get it that it's simply not up to them what requirements they chose to follow.

I assure you that's about as fucking inconvenient as it gets, but the message is quickly received.

Original poster
ljs22 · 03/02/2022 20:07

I mean, presumably you get the space to eat lunch, make a coffee and have a quick chat with colleagues?

Yeah sure, maybe once a fortnight.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 03/02/2022 20:08

@100problems

The point of doing homework is to reinforce learning through independent study.

My son's school give Saturday morning detentions for kids that just don't get it that it's simply not up to them what requirements they chose to follow.

I assure you that's about as fucking inconvenient as it gets, but the message is quickly received.

What message? Don’t ever make a mistake?
mummykel16 · 03/02/2022 20:10

@Dnaltocs

I’m not sure Mum really gets this. Why should hard working school staff be inconvenienced due to pupil disobedience. You live and work a distance from school, so what. Child is being punished for not doing HWK. If you collect her then where is the punishment. No pudding, no treats, no game councils absolutely no phone at weekends and after school when at home. Extra chores are a must. This is about training your child. I think Mum just needs guidance. I’m thinking parenting classes may help. Does child do this to gain attention due to having a working Mum. Disciplining children is not easy and needs dedicated, disciplined parents.
Training your child, good grief
mumof1or2 · 03/02/2022 20:11

@Askawayyyy

Could to instead ask your dd to stop getting detentions… seems the easiest option to me
What a dickhead response!
100problems · 03/02/2022 20:11

No, do as you're fucking told. Some things are not negotiable.

Life lesson right there.

As parents and prospective students we sign up to the school's behaviour code. Don't like it? Cool, go somewhere else. Agree to it? Suck it up.

Original poster
ljs22 · 03/02/2022 20:12

You eat your lunch in front of your clients?

No, that wouldn't be appropriate in my role. I do however eat my lunch in meetings, in the car between meetings, sitting at my desk replying to emails with one hand and eating a sandwich in the other... or on the worst days, when I finish at 5.30pm.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 03/02/2022 20:13

@100problems

No, do as you're fucking told. Some things are not negotiable.

Life lesson right there.

As parents and prospective students we sign up to the school's behaviour code. Don't like it? Cool, go somewhere else. Agree to it? Suck it up.

Why though? ‘Blindly follow orders’ is a shit message.
Chloemol · 03/02/2022 20:14

She is 15. Old enough to understand consequences

So you have a choice, she gets the 3 buses home
You pick her up and bend her ear so much she never does it again
You make her pay for a taxi from her own money

Original poster
ljs22 · 03/02/2022 20:15

What a dickhead response!

Which one? I've lost track....

OP posts:
Wheelz46 · 03/02/2022 20:15

@100problems have you read through the post, OP daughter did complete her homework, she didn't know the answer to one of the questions so she has been given detention? What message is that giving to students?

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