that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

@Awalkintime

*I never said a teachers needs weren't important ffs. The utter fiction on this thread! hmm

Thankfully most people can read and can see my point of view...*

Yes you did by suggesting that they should give up their lunch break because the original plan was an inconvenience to you. You thought that their lunch break was not important at all whereas your time was by expecting them to give it up on your say so. Yes I can read, you said you wanted them to go without basics like food and the toilet because the alternative was an inconvenience to you. It formed the basis of your whole post!

This is absolutely ridiculous hyperbole. This dd is probably not the only dc who attends this school, therefore it is reasonable to assume there may already be other dc at lunchtime detention. Therefore OP made the request. She did not demand and she accepted their rescheduling to a different afternoon. How on earth you twist that to OP not wanting teachers to have a lunch break is beyond me. As a medic, I suspect op knows only too well how rotten it is to regularly miss lunch breaks and so I doubt she would wish it on others.

So she’s being punished for giving it a go but failing basically.

Might as well just write complete random ish bollocks next time just do the question isn’t not answered. Because that’s all it’s likely to of taught her that if she doesn’t know just write anything.

Yes silly me. She should always have been perfect and an infallible human from day one. What a failure as a mother I must be that she has human flaws.

It’s a very basic thing to complete homework. It shouldn’t be optional. It’s hardly expecting perfection. It’s not a flaw to not complete homework, it’s a choice. She’s free to make that choice but then she gets a detention.

@MrHavelIsHot

Yes silly me. She should always have been perfect and an infallible human from day one. What a failure as a mother I must be that she has human flaws.

It’s a very basic thing to complete homework. It shouldn’t be optional. It’s hardly expecting perfection. It’s not a flaw to not complete homework, it’s a choice. She’s free to make that choice but then she gets a detention.

You said:

She should always have been completing all parts of all homework.

In other words, she should have been a perfect student from the start. This is a very unhealthy expectation of young people, destined to set them up to fail.

@Horst

So she’s being punished for giving it a go but failing basically.

Might as well just write complete random ish bollocks next time just do the question isn’t not answered. Because that’s all it’s likely to of taught her that if she doesn’t know just write anything.

Exactly!

As a medic, I suspect op knows only too well how rotten it is to regularly miss lunch breaks and so I doubt she would wish it on others.

Absolutely.

ljs22
You assumed that staff would give up their time because you have no idea what happens in school and what little time staff have already.

So because your work don't allow you a lunch break then others should forfeit theirs? Nice!! I wonder if you would be happy for your child to miss their food and toilet times during the day and go all day without.

@Horst

So she’s being punished for giving it a go but failing basically.

Might as well just write complete random ish bollocks next time just do the question isn’t not answered. Because that’s all it’s likely to of taught her that if she doesn’t know just write anything.

That's my thoughts exactly. No kid should be punished for not being able to do something or understand it.

It just sound like a teacher (bully) on a power trip.

The only reason I wouldn't complain is due to fears of the teacher trying to get revenge and taking it out on DD.

PrivateHall
If you read my original comment I did discuss that had she made a reasonable request instead of asking for a specific time then this would be fine. You missed that clearly.

As a medic she should appreciate the impact of this then and not want others to miss theirs at all but she seems pretty happy for it to happen so long as she doesn't have to change her own plans, that is ok.

@ljs22

As a medic, I suspect op knows only too well how rotten it is to regularly miss lunch breaks and so I doubt she would wish it on others.

Absolutely.

So why ask then?

@MrHavelIsHot

Yes silly me. She should always have been perfect and an infallible human from day one. What a failure as a mother I must be that she has human flaws.

It’s a very basic thing to complete homework. It shouldn’t be optional. It’s hardly expecting perfection. It’s not a flaw to not complete homework, it’s a choice. She’s free to make that choice but then she gets a detention.

How is not knowing something making a choice?

That’s utterly bizarre logic.

@MrHavelIsHot

A child improving her effort and attainment from where it used to be is worthy of praise, and is what motivates us as humans to continue bettering ourselves.

She should always have been completing all parts of all homework. As a parent, I can’t imagine expecting less and expecting recognition when that is done. Homework is set, you do it.

Why?

@Awalkintime

You're being a bit silly now. I've made it clear I don't expect anyone to go without food and water ffs. I imagined, as I've already said, that there might be a system whereby lunch time detentions are covered on a rota basis by staff, who are able to eat their lunch whilst sitting with the students, for example. I mean, it happens in some schools and teachers have commented on this thread to that effect, so it's not the outrageous suggestion you are trying to make it out as. You are simply projecting your own issues around this onto my thread. I won't be responding to you any further as you are absolutely determined to misinterpret and misunderstand.

@Awalkintime

ljs22 You assumed that staff would give up their time because you have no idea what happens in school and what little time staff have already.

So because your work don't allow you a lunch break then others should forfeit theirs? Nice!! I wonder if you would be happy for your child to miss their food and toilet times during the day and go all day without.

Why give a detention if you’re not prepared to give up the time to supervise it?

ljs22
I'm being silly in pointing out that you know what its like and really wouldn't want others to go without but will still ask nevertheless. Hopefully now you are aware then you won't make such requests in future and maybe have some consideration for others.

Pumperthepumper
You are prepared but at a time that is convenient to you not the child. It doesn't work like that. Sadly these days parents want everything their way they demand things all the time.

But op made a simple request, obviously if it didn't work for the school then they could decline - which is exactly what happened! Honestly this is absolutely bizarre, parents aren't even allowed to ask school a simple question now? At no point has op suggested that anyone should miss lunch I have honestly never heard the likes of this. My DC school give out lunchtime detentions for minor issues and afterschool for more serious issues, so it seems natural that a parent would ask for it to be changed to lunch if an afterschool detention puts a child in a dangerous position to make their own way home in the dark. Perhaps two lunchtime detentions could be negotiated instead to try and make it more equivalent to one afterschool detention, I don't know. But it is just plain daft to suggest op was wrong to ask.

Tbh she should just leave the school at the usual time - if they decide to exclude her it would be better as she then gets to do her work at home

But they are creating an impossible situation for me as her mother.

Nope your dc is creating this situation no one else. She knows she will get detentions if she doesn't hand her homework in or misbehaves!

@Awalkintime

No, you're being silly with the hyperbole and obvious projecting. I have not once suggested a teacher goes without food on their break. I simply pondered whether a system might exist whereby a teacher is able to simultaneously eat and supervise a detention. Next day, someone else's turn, etc .... If that makes me an entitled and selfish person in your mind, well, so be it. You're wrong.

@ljs22

I understand those saying "she has to do her homework then". Of course - I completely agree! But what more can I do than reinforce this message to her consistently, which I do? I can't sit over her while she does it, and I can't do it for her. If she tells me she's done all her work, I take her word for it. Generally speaking, she does. It's just certain subjects she doesn't like so she picks and chooses 🙄

You ask to check/see that her homework is done especially the lessons she doesn't like.You let her get the 2 buses home so she learns a listen. you don't ask the teachers to let her off or make her punishment more convenient!

My son had a detention, he had to go to school on a Saturday morning and do work set for that day. He had to get two busses, taking almost an hour to get there and had to be in full school uniform. I refused to give him a lift, it being his fault not mine. It buggered up our weekend, it only ever happened the once!

In other words, she should have been a perfect student from the start. This is a very unhealthy expectation of young people, destined to set them up to fail.

My kids aren’t perfect. But they have never not done a homework. At 15, school is a priority. To think it’s in some way exceptional to complete all homework is strange. Going to school, behaving and doing homework should be the minimum. expected.

[quote ljs22]@Awalkintime

No, you're being silly with the hyperbole and obvious projecting. I have not once suggested a teacher goes without food on their break. I simply pondered whether a system might exist whereby a teacher is able to simultaneously eat and supervise a detention. Next day, someone else's turn, etc .... If that makes me an entitled and selfish person in your mind, well, so be it. You're wrong. [/quote]
OP I trust that if a patient dares ask to reschedule an appt to your lunchtime you rant and rave and shout about the absolute cheek of them for asking!

It happens to me all the time as people want to nip in to me on their lunchbreak, surprisingly I manage to discuss it with them like an adult without being furious they don't care about my own lunch

The only people to whom the unpaid lunchtime doesn't apply to are senior leadership.

Teachers will do lunchtime detention if it's more convenient for them. I do them on Friday as the kids really hate missing that lunchtime and frankly I am not staying an extra hour on Fridays.

However there cannot be an expectation that it will happen when you want, for your convenience.

I did Saturday detentions too when at school. In uniform. On the service bus. The journey of shame because everyone knew what you were doing!

Why not give her an Uber or Lyft account? She gets home and you don't have to schlep all that way.