that school should offer lunch time detentions?

[ljs22]

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

In my experience sometimes kids don’t complete homework if they don’t understand the topic. Of course anyone can be lazy but maybe if your DD normally does her homework then she is possible struggling over this exercise. Has nobody else experienced hideous homework panics when their child hasn’t understood something and simply cannot complete the task (and won’t accept parental help either)?

As for a teenage girl travelling home late by several buses - this is a safeguarding issue. But of course schools just love to make life as difficult as possible, don’t they?

Surprisingly, quite a lot of parents work these days - both mum and dad - and can’t drop everything at the drop of a hat to give lifts, especially when a coach has been paid for. The school should offer a change of day or time for detentions.

I never had a detention in my whole school career but I have to say they are the most hideous idea.

Lunch time detentions are no longer a thing from personal experience, a lot of schools only have 30-40 minute lunch breaks, children need to eat and go to the toilet during this time so actual time left to assign to a sanction is too little for it have any meaningful impact. Staff are on duty rotas and are also entitled to a lunch break.

As annoying as it is, previous posts are right. Not getting detentions is the answer to your predicament. I'm doing that annoying thing of not fully reading the thread, but if this is a one off I think it's an annoyance you'll have to lump, if detentions are a regular occurrence then i think you have a behaviour problem not a transport one.

“I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.”

I refused to allow my dd to attend after school detentions based on similar reasons, however I did suggest an alternative to school rather than a “we refuse your punishment” she then had 2 lunch time detentions and was grounded each full weekend following receiving any detentions. It was a stronger deterrent because lunch time was for socialising with friends (as was the weekend) whereas after school she didn’t really care anyway. I think she only got one more after school and I agreed this plan.

As a medic, I suspect op knows only too well how rotten it is to regularly miss lunch breaks and so I doubt she would wish it on others

The title of this thread is ‘that school should offer lunchtime detentions’ so whichever way you want to look at it, her expectation is that someone is going without lunch.

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable.
My mum, had a rant with my French teacher over this. First my mum pointed out, I am dyslexic and cannot spell in English, so how on eart, can she learn to spell in French. The detention, was because I hadn't got any of my French spelling right, so the teacher thought I hadn't done my homework.
My mum also pointed out, that she wasn't going to drive half and hour each way, to pick her daughter up from school, I had to catch the bus, which dropped us off at our lane end, I lived on a farm, my mum pointed out that they were busy on the farm and didn't have the time, if the teacher was still going my detention, it would have to be at dinner time, or the teacher would have to drive me home. I didn't get detention.
I did get detention once, but it was a whole class detention and was at lunch time.

@TorringtonDean

In my experience sometimes kids don’t complete homework if they don’t understand the topic. Of course anyone can be lazy but maybe if your DD normally does her homework then she is possible struggling over this exercise. Has nobody else experienced hideous homework panics when their child hasn’t understood something and simply cannot complete the task (and won’t accept parental help either)?

As for a teenage girl travelling home late by several buses - this is a safeguarding issue. But of course schools just love to make life as difficult as possible, don’t they?

Surprisingly, quite a lot of parents work these days - both mum and dad - and can’t drop everything at the drop of a hat to give lifts, especially when a coach has been paid for. The school should offer a change of day or time for detentions.

I never had a detention in my whole school career but I have to say they are the most hideous idea.

Then don't leave it until the last moment to attempt homework so that parents/students have time to communicate to teachers that they are struggling.

Not doing homework should not be a punishable offence.

@Sowhatifiam

As a medic, I suspect op knows only too well how rotten it is to regularly miss lunch breaks and so I doubt she would wish it on others

The title of this thread is ‘that school should offer lunchtime detentions’ so whichever way you want to look at it, her expectation is that someone is going without lunch.

Are you still repeating this fiction?

You do not have to "go without lunch" just because you're sitting in a room with students. It is physically possible to, you know, eat whilst you supervise them. I mean, I could manage it.

@Zipper666

Why not give her an Uber or Lyft account? She gets home and you don't have to schlep all that way.

We don't have Ubers where we live. I've never heard of the other one.

OP I trust that if a patient dares ask to reschedule an appt to your lunchtime you rant and rave and shout about the absolute cheek of them for asking!

I see patients at all times - mornings, lunch times, afternoons, occasionally evenings. I'm often in the situation of seeing patients over my lunch break or in meetings. If it's a meeting I eat whilst I'm in it. If it's a patient, I have to wait.

I’m not sure Mum really gets this.
Why should hard working school staff be inconvenienced due to pupil disobedience.

You live and work a distance from school, so what.
Child is being punished for not doing HWK.
If you collect her then where is the punishment.

No pudding, no treats, no game councils absolutely no phone at weekends and after school when at home. Extra chores are a must. This is about training your child.
I think Mum just needs guidance. I’m thinking parenting classes may help.
Does child do this to gain attention due to having a working Mum. Disciplining children is not easy and needs dedicated, disciplined parents.

I think Mum just needs guidance. I’m thinking parenting classes may help.

😂😂😂😂

@ljs22

OP I trust that if a patient dares ask to reschedule an appt to your lunchtime you rant and rave and shout about the absolute cheek of them for asking!

I see patients at all times - mornings, lunch times, afternoons, occasionally evenings. I'm often in the situation of seeing patients over my lunch break or in meetings. If it's a meeting I eat whilst I'm in it. If it's a patient, I have to wait.

Well that's no fun, surely you should be on here ranting and raving like many of the posters on this thread

I think I'll manage, thanks.

@ljs22 - Having read your update that she DID the homework but couldn't answer the question, I think it seems disproportionately harsh of the teacher to give her a detention! It doesn't exactly encourage/foster learning or a teacher-pupil relationship.

I've sped read the thread & see that school have come up with an alternative, albeit still some inconvenience to your partner.

If the situation arises in the future (hopefully not) is there any way your daughter could take a bus to where you work after her detention & wait somewhere discreetly inside? Appreciate this may not be feasible, especially with Covid but it might help in an emergency? Or could she go to a relative/friend?

Whilst I agree parents need to back teachers up & students recognise that their actions (or lack of) have consequences, I question any parents who wouldn't put their child's safety first in your situation.

@Dnaltocs

I’m not sure Mum really gets this. Why should hard working school staff be inconvenienced due to pupil disobedience. You live and work a distance from school, so what. Child is being punished for not doing HWK. If you collect her then where is the punishment. No pudding, no treats, no game councils absolutely no phone at weekends and after school when at home. Extra chores are a must. This is about training your child. I think Mum just needs guidance. I’m thinking parenting classes may help. Does child do this to gain attention due to having a working Mum. Disciplining children is not easy and needs dedicated, disciplined parents.

That was aimed at the person who suggested I need parenting classes. I mean, this thread is just amusing now to be honest.

@Awalkintime

ljs22 I'm being silly in pointing out that you know what its like and really wouldn't want others to go without but will still ask nevertheless. Hopefully now you are aware then you won't make such requests in future and maybe have some consideration for others.

Pumperthepumper
You are prepared but at a time that is convenient to you not the child. It doesn't work like that. Sadly these days parents want everything their way they demand things all the time.

That’s not true, I’ve got a fantastic relationship with the parents of the children I teach. I think you should look closer to home if you’re finding a lot of grief coming your way about your methods.

I understand your dilemma. It all depends if it is a teacher detention or school one. In many schools teachers have to do the detentions for their own students so have to allocate times to do this, which means giving up our lunch and after school time and so to change to accommodate for one child means another lost lunch/after school. If school detention where they may be held several times a week it may be more flexible. X

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy

If anyone wonders why there's a lack of teachers in the UK - just read this thread.

Anyone fancy teaching kids with parents like OP?

I'm a teacher and I agree with the OP!! Plus I would much rather 'give up my dinnertime' than stay after school to administer detention.

Plus in the OPs daughter's case I doubt the detention was proportionate...and has more to do with the teaching. The poor girl didn't answer one question that she didn't understand, and rather than help the girl, the teacher wrongfully doled out a detention! If I was the OP, I'd be straight on the phone to school!!

She's 15 she can sort her own transport or stop getting detentions. No need to impact your day at all.

If the child didn't understand then they need to ASK for help, before the deadline. Saying they couldn't do it is fine, but can be an excuse if it's trotted out after the deadline.

It's really important to encourage kids to ask, and for this reason I try not to set homeworks that are too complex until GCSE years, by which time they're old enough to have to deal with the consequences of their actions.

@Dnaltocs

I’m not sure Mum really gets this. Why should hard working school staff be inconvenienced due to pupil disobedience. You live and work a distance from school, so what. Child is being punished for not doing HWK. If you collect her then where is the punishment. No pudding, no treats, no game councils absolutely no phone at weekends and after school when at home. Extra chores are a must. This is about training your child. I think Mum just needs guidance. I’m thinking parenting classes may help. Does child do this to gain attention due to having a working Mum. Disciplining children is not easy and needs dedicated, disciplined parents.

Or maybe just start beating her into submission? Surely that’s kinder than endless misery?

Honestly, some of you sound hideous parents.

This thread is batshit.

No-one can honestly believe an hour-long, after school detention is proportionate for a child missing one question from otherwise completed homework.

OP - I'd fight this. Whilst I'm not a teacher, I do spend my time addressing whether people have committed infractions which require a response, so do I have some knowledge of crime and punishment...

Pumperthepumper
Nice try! Maybe you just brown nose your parents to keep them sweet and bend over to every whim. I don't.