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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school should offer lunch time detentions?

1000 replies

ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:40

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

OP posts:
Askawayyyy · 02/02/2022 14:41

Could to instead ask your dd to stop getting detentions… seems the easiest option to me

Forshorttheycallmecomp · 02/02/2022 14:42

When I was school most kids came on the bus, many from 5+ miles away. It was made really clear to us that (one of) the point of after school detentions were to make life hard for you and to explain to your family…

Having said that behaviour management has changed a bit since 1995! In short I don’t think it’s wrong to ask but I’m intrigued as to the responses…

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:45

@Askawayyyy

Could to instead ask your dd to stop getting detentions… seems the easiest option to me

Yes. I do try. If only it were that easy!

OP posts:
NorthSouthcatlady · 02/02/2022 14:47

Cool, then a staff member gets to have no lunch Hmm. The easiest fix is your daughter not getting detentions, why should the school schedule them at times that are convenient to her. That’s not the point of punishments

RegardingMary · 02/02/2022 14:48

The thing with after school detentions is they generally affect the parents more than the child as you have to go collect or have them get unreliable public transport home in the dark. Maybe that's the point though, if your day is messed up you may be sterner.

We're pretty rural, when it happened to us I explained to the school the issue and instead DS had a full week of detention at lunch time and I grounded him at home too.

PleasantBirthday · 02/02/2022 14:49

She could do her homework. If she doesn't, then she does the detention and waits for the bus. Seems like her choice, really. I mean, the relationship between cause and effect isn't unclear here. I don't think school punishments are designed with convenience in mind.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 02/02/2022 14:49

They would have to have someone supervise her, meaning they would go without a break.

If I was a teacher, I would not be willing to give up my break and make my working day harder in order to make it easier for someone who has behaved poorly.

madIam · 02/02/2022 14:49

Yes, dd is old enough to understand the implications of getting detentions and should be capable of ensuring she doesn't.

I hate doing lunchtime detentions, especially when I have a full day. Why should teachers be denied a lunchbreak because students can't behave/get homework done? It is a legal requirement for staff to have a break within a full working day, which is a joke with teaching anyway ( and lots of other jobs I'm sure, before anyone starts). In a decent school there should be slt/ a behaviour team who could accommodate this and be able to have their lunch at a different time, but many schools don't have this in place and it still doesn't change the fact that dd shouldn't be getting detentions.

Also, if the detention is meant to be an hour, it would almost certainly have to be spread across two lunchtimes, which is even more of an arse-ache for staff and if they don't enforce it means dd gets a lesser punishment just because of your transport arrangements, which isn't fair.

CraftyGin · 02/02/2022 14:49

Make them as inconvenient to the parents as possible.

Wnkingawalrus · 02/02/2022 14:50

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait.

Well perhaps this will teach her a lesson.

Hankunamatata · 02/02/2022 14:51

There was another post on this recently...

VickyEadieofThigh · 02/02/2022 14:51

My Dad was regularly going to pick up his grandson (who is now 41!) because the boy was forever getting detentions so missing the school bus home.

I did point out that the whole point of these things was to make life difficult and that him chauffeuring the teenager home was undermining the effectiveness of it. Mind, he only had to wait for the next direct service bus, not the convoluted journey the OP has described.

HeddaGarbled · 02/02/2022 14:51

It’s not a sufficient disincentive to misbehave if it doesn’t inconvenience her. Lunchtime indoors, minor to no disincentive, possibly even an incentive. Hanging around for buses for ages and losing a big chunk of her free time to it, excellent disincentive.

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:52

@NorthSouthcatlady

Cool, then a staff member gets to have no lunch Hmm. The easiest fix is your daughter not getting detentions, why should the school schedule them at times that are convenient to her. That’s not the point of punishments

I understand that they shouldn't try to make life more convenient for her. But they are creating an impossible situation for me as her mother. I can't leave work to collect her - I'm just not allowed to do that. I work for the NHS too, so if I'm mid patient, I can't just drop everything and bugger off to get her. I also work an hour from her school. So it would take 2 hours out of my day if I went back to work afterwards.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 02/02/2022 14:53

Does your Dd not do any afterschool activities? As they would make her late

JarvisCockersRightEyebrow · 02/02/2022 14:53

If she doesn’t want to do an after school detention then she needs to behave herself doesn’t she.

Finfintytint · 02/02/2022 14:53

I’d give her enough money for the bus fare home even if it will take a long time to get home. She may eventually make the connection between not doing her homework and tedious and lengthy travel home.

PleasantBirthday · 02/02/2022 14:53

But they are creating an impossible situation for me as her mother.

No, it's your daughter doing that.

Lockdownbear · 02/02/2022 14:54

I don't actually agree with detention for this reason. Not every family have cars to collect children.

She's 15 it should be made clear that homework needs to be done. It's going to affect her exam results - nobody else's - she has to get if done.

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:54

@JarvisCockersRightEyebrow

If she doesn’t want to do an after school detention then she needs to behave herself doesn’t she.

I don't care what she wants. It's about how it affects my own day.

OP posts:
LittleMG · 02/02/2022 14:54

Sorry yabu when I was a teacher I was running clubs and helping kids with coursework. I didn’t have time to sit with detentions.

KrisAkabusi · 02/02/2022 14:54

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

Let her know that this is part of the punishment. A consequence of her behaviour is that she has to wait.

girafferafferaffe · 02/02/2022 14:54

We make arrangements for children who cannot do after school detentions so they may be ok to do that for you as well.

JarvisCockersRightEyebrow · 02/02/2022 14:55

I understand that they shouldn't try to make life more convenient for her. But they are creating an impossible situation for me as her mother. I can't leave work to collect her - I'm just not allowed to do that. I work for the NHS too, so if I'm mid patient, I can't just drop everything and bugger off to get her. I also work an hour from her school. So it would take 2 hours out of my day if I went back to work afterwards.*

The obvious solution here is that she gets the bus/es then, however long she has to wait. It might give her food for thought. I wouldn’t be rushing round and leaving work in the lurch to collect her.

girafferafferaffe · 02/02/2022 14:55

Could she do her homework and grovel to the teacher and see if they'll remove it?

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