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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let nanny go

226 replies

Nikster1986 · 02/02/2022 11:16

We were due to have a new nanny start this morning, to look after my youngest. She texted half hour before she was due to be here to say her mum was taking her dog to the vet today. So she (the nanny) couldn't come in because she had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week.
I sympathise that things can converge and create a bit of a sh*t storm all at once. It sounds like that's the case here. But, why can't the son go to the vets with the mum? Why does the vets take all day? She hasn't offered a solution just said that was the case. She didn't even ask are we OK if she doesn't come, just stated it as fact.
Last night I was out for dinner and it turns out she also works nights at a restaurant and I do wonder if she is just plain tired and doesn't want to spend the day with an energetic 1 year old.
We need a reliable nanny; my husband works away so I need the support as my eldest has some additional development challenges.
So would IBU to find someone else. I've just started back to work so I'm only working 2 days and have the time to find someone. But I won't really once I'm back full time. I feel like I should cut our losses straight away. Appreciate thoughts

OP posts:
Bonnieonthelam · 02/02/2022 11:17

Fire her.

LapinR0se · 02/02/2022 11:19

“I need someone reliable so unfortunately this is not going to work for us. Best of luck for the future”
And block.

FinallyFree2022 · 02/02/2022 11:19

First impressions.

She'd be out if it was my house.

LuckyWithMyLot · 02/02/2022 11:20

I think she's made it pretty clear that you're not a priority. You have to let her go as this isn't going to be a one off.

MadeForThis · 02/02/2022 11:20

I would fire her.

TopsieGreenwood · 02/02/2022 11:21

Yanbu. It's not a good start.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 02/02/2022 11:23

When someone shows you who they are…yes, withdraw the job.

OohRahhMaki · 02/02/2022 11:23

I'd take note that this is supposed to be her first day! If she is happy to pull this on day 1, what will she be like after a few months?

@LapinR0se's response is perfect.

ThisIsYourLifeToo · 02/02/2022 11:23

Having had similar experiences and NOT cut my losses and let the nanny go, I regretted it. Let her go and find someone else. Reliability and commitment is a baseline for the job.

GreenWheat · 02/02/2022 11:25

I think you are right to go with your gut instinct. Don't open yourself up to a litany of excuses, let her go now. What a very thin excuse for letting you down.

SummerHouse · 02/02/2022 11:25

What age is she? Not that it matters. 100% cut your losses. Doing that on your first day, does not bode well. And if it's an excuse, it's a dire one.

itwasntaparty · 02/02/2022 11:25

It's the first day surely you do everything you can to get there, it will only get worse.

LittleSnakes · 02/02/2022 11:25

Also, I’d be pissed off with a text in that situation. She at least could have phoned.

shouldistop · 02/02/2022 11:26

I'd definitely message her back and say that you need someone reliable so it won't work out.
Is she very young?

Viviennemary · 02/02/2022 11:28

Just no. Far too unreliable.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 02/02/2022 11:28

She sent a text? At the minimum, she needed to call you.
The brother should be going with his mum. She has a job and wasnt available to look after him.

So yeah, she is fired. But you'll have to follow the law for getting rid of her though.

honeylulu · 02/02/2022 11:29

Rubbish. As she's not even started yet and you've got time to find someone else, please do exactly that.

Really doesn't bode well. She should be raring to make a great first impression.

KylieCharlene · 02/02/2022 11:30

Not sure I'd be happy with a nanny who is also working late night shifts, being bright and alert enough to spend the day in charge of my young child.
I'd not be happy with the late notice of her not being able to come or the reason why either.
Plus, if it had been my first day working for you I'd have been there no matter what so I could make a good impression. Surely this would have been her no1 priority.
Unfortunately she has shown you are low on her list of priorities.

Heronwatcher · 02/02/2022 11:30

Go with your gut. But just a query, if she’s also working in a restaurant is she actually a nanny (qualified, proper salary, pension) or an au pair? I’ve had many friends come a cropper with unrealistic expectations of people who were basically unqualified students barely out of their teens. If you expect professional attitudes and utter reliability then you do really need to hire someone with experience and proper/ professional qualifications and pay them accordingly.

shouldistop · 02/02/2022 11:31

@Itsalmostanaccessory

She sent a text? At the minimum, she needed to call you. The brother should be going with his mum. She has a job and wasnt available to look after him.

So yeah, she is fired. But you'll have to follow the law for getting rid of her though.

She hasn't even started yet. As long as op isn't discriminating based on protected characteristics then she can sack her for any reason she likes
BlippiPoops · 02/02/2022 11:32

That's really poor. 30mins before she's due she casually texts!?
Dogs and dead grandads and looking after her brother.
I mean, it all sounds like absolute horse shit to me.
I'd be livid she couldn't even be arsed to call which makes me suspicious.
It's very unprofessional. What if you'd not read that message? My mornings are so busy I might have got to 9am and just thought where is she? Oh look a fucking stupid text.
I wouldn't even reply.maje her sweat and then say your budgie died and you needed to sit on it's eggs for the day before taking your husband to the zoo after his shoes got lost so you're sorry but she's no longer needed.

madisonbridges · 02/02/2022 11:33

Her not being able to make it the first day would be a problem, but things happen. However, the fact that she wasn't apologetic and didn't offer a compromise would be the clincher for me. You'll always be worrying that she's going to let you down...and she will. You can do better.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 02/02/2022 11:33

People usually try extra hard to turn up for the start of a job. Obviously sometimes shit happens, like an injury or illness of the employee, but what she's describing isn't 'shit happens' and even if it is, it isn't happening to her. You, her employer, clearly come last place in her priority behind the convenience of every member of her family and their pets. So this would probably just be the first of many failures to turn up with a shit excuse.

madisonbridges · 02/02/2022 11:37

I wouldn't even reply.maje her sweat and then say your budgie died and you needed to sit on it's eggs for the day before taking your husband to the zoo after his shoes got lost so you're sorry but she's no longer needed.

😂😂😂
Oh yes, text this.

SolasAnla · 02/02/2022 11:38

Noy a good start to your working relationship. There maybe a good reason the mother can't take her brother to the vet but she has shown she will always prioritise her needs over your child's care.
She texted which is a passive action relying on you seeing her message rather that having called you and spoke to you would be imo another red flag.
With the best will in the world a single caregiver will have days they can't attend your home.
As you are going to be back at work full time and your husband works away I would suggest that long term you look for a nursery place which will have staff cover and the security that you can do drop off and pick up as a fixed time.

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