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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let nanny go

226 replies

Nikster1986 · 02/02/2022 11:16

We were due to have a new nanny start this morning, to look after my youngest. She texted half hour before she was due to be here to say her mum was taking her dog to the vet today. So she (the nanny) couldn't come in because she had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week.
I sympathise that things can converge and create a bit of a sh*t storm all at once. It sounds like that's the case here. But, why can't the son go to the vets with the mum? Why does the vets take all day? She hasn't offered a solution just said that was the case. She didn't even ask are we OK if she doesn't come, just stated it as fact.
Last night I was out for dinner and it turns out she also works nights at a restaurant and I do wonder if she is just plain tired and doesn't want to spend the day with an energetic 1 year old.
We need a reliable nanny; my husband works away so I need the support as my eldest has some additional development challenges.
So would IBU to find someone else. I've just started back to work so I'm only working 2 days and have the time to find someone. But I won't really once I'm back full time. I feel like I should cut our losses straight away. Appreciate thoughts

OP posts:
senua · 02/02/2022 12:31

@Gonnagetgoing
I'm positive no T&C have been breached
Sorry if not clear. I didn't mean employment law T&C regarding the nanny. I meant the Agency's T&C which should provide replacement candidates FOC.

LadyMuckington · 02/02/2022 12:32

@Nikster1986

Thanks all. I did wonder if I was being a bit harsh - after all, it's her income and I'd hate to leave someone unable to pay their rent. However, she clearly has another job so probably won't be in totally dire straits. Though I don't know why she has another job - her salary with us is £25k for 4 days plus pension. I didn't make anything like that at 25! She is a qualified nanny and employed by us - her references were all fine though it was through an agency who maybe don't vet as well as they claim to. I guess we're going back to the drawing board on this
Completely OT but how long ago were you 25? Myself and the majority of friends were earning that or more at 25 and it’s not a lot of money when you have bills to pay. I certainly wouldn’t be grateful to an employer for that amount as it’s not above and beyond- especially for a nanny?

But I agree with pp, I would sack her.

JustLyra · 02/02/2022 12:33

@WonderfulYou

I voted YABU

Of course it’s not great and you definitely need someone reliable but it’s only happened once and she’s been honest when she could have easily lied. Especially now when she could say she needs a PCR test or something.

There are many reasons why her brother can’t go to the vets so I would understand.

It’s up to you obviously but if she’s got good references and you liked her then I’d give her one more chance.

It's her first day. And she didn't even bother to call with her excuses - she just text and hoped the OP saw it.
CornishGem1975 · 02/02/2022 12:34

Cut your losses. First morning? Nope.

JustLyra · 02/02/2022 12:35

I would let her go. It sounds to me like she's the first line childcare for her mother when her brother is off school - which is fine when she's not working, but not when she is. To be so casual calling off on her first day really does not bode well at all.

GreenClock · 02/02/2022 12:36

I don’t think she lied, but she did show you that her job with you is not important to her.

Her mother may not have wanted to take the child to the vet if the dog is suffering. But how is that your problem???

Tell the agency that it hasn’t worked out and why, and ask them to set about funding a replacement.

PainterMummy · 02/02/2022 12:38

If certainly be getting on to the agency to let them know and that this frustrates your contract with her, you do not want her coming as she’s very unreliable. If you’ve paid for their service, ask for a suitable replacement utilising the fee already paid too.

All the options you mention in your op should have occurred to her not least her mother (if this is even a real scenario on her part).

Miri13 · 02/02/2022 12:38

Definitely get rid of her now and also tell the agency that you expect better standards. If she is like this now, what will she be like at a later stage. Also, the fact that she text rather than called shows a total lack of professionalism.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2022 12:38

Yes I’d cut your losses now. By all means go through the agency if you need to but don’t take any crap about giving her a chance.

The first day at work is so important, you’d move heaven and hell to be there, not prioritise free childcare to your mum over a paid childcare job.

switswooo · 02/02/2022 12:40

You've been given into an insight into her. It would be madness to ignore it.

BrieAndChilli · 02/02/2022 12:40

There are so many red flags here

  • dog going to vet - classic excuse as who can say anything bad about that?
  • grandad dieing - another sympathy booster. Isn’t really relevant to anything as he does a week ago. Yes not nice but grandparents die all the time and you just have to get on with things
  • looking after school age brother. He’s obviously big enough that there isn’t any reason why he can’t go to the vets along with the mother or even just go back to school!!
  • it’s the first day of a new job. This is the day you make the most effort not to fuck it up. First impressions count!!!!
  • text rather than call
  • no compromise or solutions given. I don’t think the above qualifies as an emergency but at the least she could maybe have said can I bring bother along for an hour then my mum will pick him up so something!
  • working in a restaurant - I worked in one and some nights we would finish until the early hours - next day I would often have to nap on sofa while kids watched pepperami pig!!!
AbsoluteMother · 02/02/2022 12:42

She text you? No call? On her first day, half an hour before she's due? No way screw that, you need reliability and to build trust. She's knackered that right up already. Say buh-bye 👋

senua · 02/02/2022 12:42

I certainly wouldn’t be grateful to an employer for that amount as it’s not above and beyond- especially for a nanny?
The nanny was only contracted for a 4 day week so it's equivalent to £31,250.
Which is besides the point. I don't think turning up to work agreed hours counts as "above and beyond"!

Viviennemary · 02/02/2022 12:43

It is obvious where her priorities are and its not her job. She should have told her relative she was unable to help as she is starting a new job. I don't think I would want such an unreliable person who made such poor choices to be in charge of my child.

Pahahahahahahahee · 02/02/2022 12:45

Did she inform the agency too or think it would go underneath the radar ? Cut out the middle man anyway. Contact them saying you are less than impressed and let them deal with her and do what you've paid them to do - find you a reliable nanny

Winchestercollege · 02/02/2022 12:45

She's not appropriate for your needs. I'd complain to the agency who offered her. You pay them to weed these people out.

Thirtytimesround · 02/02/2022 12:46

That is a crap excuse. A vet appointment does not take all day, and the son could have gone too. Or, if he really couldn’t (eg special needs) then THEY should have arranged emergency childcare for him rather than let down an employer. Or she could
have asked if it’s ok for her to bring the boy to yours, or you to drop kids to her, so she can look after them all together. She isn’t professional and doesn’t take her job seriously: this will happen again and again. Best get rid of her now before your DC get attached to her.

Thirtytimesround · 02/02/2022 12:47

PS I know some amazing, lovely nannies. You can do better OP!!

museumum · 02/02/2022 12:48

I thought you were going to say the brother was self-isolating with covid, which I would probably have excused.
But given he's not then I'd be expecting the mum to take him to the vet or at the very worst for the nanny to ask if she could bring him with her to work (still would be a bit Hmm but understandable if a one-off).

Not turning up to look after your baby at the very last minute should not be an option for any reason other than infectious disease or her own health/injury emergency. As others have said, nannies need to be problem solvers.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 02/02/2022 12:48

I'm loving the sound of pepperami pig. I always felt that Peppa Pig rather glossed over the usual fate of pigs.

Xiaoxiong · 02/02/2022 12:49

Cut your losses straight away. Not turning up to work on Day ONE for anything less than a hospitalisation or something similar is a huge red flag.

The two nanny agencies I used both had a clause that if a nanny didn't work out in the first few months (for any reason) they would place another one free of charge. You go straight back to the agency, show them that text, and ask for an alternative candidate. This is assuming they are reputable - if they aren't, I'd ask for your money back.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 02/02/2022 12:50

Bad start
Get rid

KitchenTowel · 02/02/2022 12:51

@BlippiPoops

That's really poor. 30mins before she's due she casually texts!? Dogs and dead grandads and looking after her brother. I mean, it all sounds like absolute horse shit to me. I'd be livid she couldn't even be arsed to call which makes me suspicious. It's very unprofessional. What if you'd not read that message? My mornings are so busy I might have got to 9am and just thought where is she? Oh look a fucking stupid text. I wouldn't even reply.maje her sweat and then say your budgie died and you needed to sit on it's eggs for the day before taking your husband to the zoo after his shoes got lost so you're sorry but she's no longer needed.
Grin
ItSeemsRidiculous · 02/02/2022 12:51

I've had the same this week with a new employee.
Due to start her 1st day and emailed an hour before she was due, to say that her dad has to pick a sibling up from school and take them to the hospital so she now has to look after another sibling.

I was a bit miffed to say the least, there's no way I would pull a stunt like this on my first day in a new job. The job doesn't have the responsibilities of a nanny so I'm willing to give her a chance but I will be keeping a close eye and won't hesitate to let her go if she does similar again.
I'm another one wondering her age, my girl was young and there does seem to be a "don't give a fuck" attitude in the younger staff that I employ I've noticed.

Goldi321 · 02/02/2022 12:51

She had one opportunity to make a good first impression, and she hasn't. Trust me, if her like is this chaotic on day 1 it will only escalate from here. You can't possibly trust her to look after your child and be reliable after this can you?