Page 5 | AIBU to let nanny go

Nikster1986 · 2022-02-02T11:16:16+00:00

We were due to have a new nanny start this morning, to look after my youngest. She texted half hour before she was due to be here to say her mum was taking her dog to the vet today. So she (the nanny) couldn't come in because she had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week. I sympathise that things can converge and create a bit of a sh*t storm all at once. It sounds like that's the case here. But, why can't the son go to the vets with the mum? Why does the vets take all day? She hasn't offered a solution just said that was the case. She didn't even ask are we OK if she doesn't come, just stated it as fact. Last night I was out for dinner and it turns out she also works nights at a restaurant and I do wonder if she is just plain tired and doesn't want to spend the day with an energetic 1 year old. We need a reliable nanny; my husband works away so I need the support as my eldest has some additional development challenges. So would IBU to find someone else. I've just started back to work so I'm only working 2 days and have the time to find someone. But I won't really once I'm back full time. I feel like I should cut our losses straight away. Appreciate thoughts

JuergenSchwarzwald · 02/02/2022 12:52

It may not be her fault - I do see quite a few cases of adult children needing to be on call for their parents, especially if they still live at home, and parents not taking into account their children work. Not quite the same as childcare, but my personal trainer still lived at home and often changed the time of sessions because one of her parents wanted her to do something for them.

But this is not the OP's problem. She needs a reliable nanny who will turn up for work so I agree with contacting the agency and asking them to find a more reliable one. The suggestion of using a nursery instead is also a good one.

SockFluffInTheBath · 02/02/2022 12:52

Assuming it might be true her own family is her priority- which is absolutely fair enough, but maybe nannying isn’t the right career for her. Sadly I agree with the others that it could be the top of the slippery slope.

AllOfUsAreDead · 02/02/2022 12:52

Sadly cut your losses. She needs to be more reliable.

londonrach · 02/02/2022 12:54

Yanbu. She unreliable on the first day...the first day! Fire her

nanbread · 02/02/2022 12:57

A good nanny understands how important it is to be reliable. I think for some reason she doesn't want the job, or is rubbish at it.

A good nanny would probably have asked if she could bring the brother along for the hour it takes to take an animal to the vet, take the baby for a walk in the pram or something so brother wouldn't need to be in your house.

We had a lot of issues finding a good, reliable nanny. My advice is to try to get a personal recommendation.

Lovemylittlebear · 02/02/2022 12:59

If it was me I wouldn’t fire straight the way. I would ask to discuss and get more information. Then I would make a decision .

Eg did the dog start randomly fitting and her mother rushed the dogs to the vets and didn’t want younger child to see incase it died. I know that sounds unlikely but for me if that were the sort of case then I would find it understandable and not fire. If it was - dog at chocolate - need to take to vets for it to be sick and can’t be arsed to take child..:then no not acceptable

Lovemylittlebear · 02/02/2022 13:01

Out of millions of more normal vet visits - on one occasion one of my dogs was critically ill and I had to take to dog ICU at a vetinary hospital. I asked husband to leave work to look after toddler and he couldn’t so father in law met me on drive. I wasn’t sure if the dog would die in the car or in my arms :( and I didn’t want her to see that. I would be wondering if it was something extreme like that or just a crap excuse like other posters mentioned.

Butternutsquashrisotto · 02/02/2022 13:09

It's all in the delivery isn't it - same set of circumstances and a call say "I'm so sorry, I can't believe I'm calling like this on my first day, this is what has happened, I know it sounds crazy, could I bring my brother, will you be ok" etc is one thing, but just a text saying "won't be in because long story" is a huge red flag

It's all about the attitude

NorthSouthcatlady · 02/02/2022 13:10

Get rid. There will just be more of this. I don’t know where to start with this as the vet doesn’t take all day, her brother is her mums responsibility and not hers etc etc

MerryMarigold · 02/02/2022 13:14

I know this sounds harsh, but I would worry about the work ethic of someone whose brother hasn't been to school for a week because grandparent died. I know that sounds judgy but taking into consideration the rest of the circumstances (short notice, texting), I don't think this is 'extenuating circumstances' eg. brother has special needs and was extremely close to Grandad. It's either totally made up or a family who clearly don't prioritise work or education.

Pumpfive · 02/02/2022 13:14

I definitely don't think it's a good start!

But I think it's wrong of you to say you don't know why she needs another job when you will be paying her 25k per year. There could be multiple reasons why she needs a second job, none of which should be your problem! So long as she's not tired enough to not perform her job properly then it's none of your business what other job she works out of work time with you. I'd be pretty pissed off if my employers (I'm a nanny) thought I didn't need to do extra work because they know what they are paying me. The cost of living is going up too!

NatriumChloride · 02/02/2022 13:14

@BlippiPoops

That's really poor. 30mins before she's due she casually texts!? Dogs and dead grandads and looking after her brother. I mean, it all sounds like absolute horse shit to me. I'd be livid she couldn't even be arsed to call which makes me suspicious. It's very unprofessional. What if you'd not read that message? My mornings are so busy I might have got to 9am and just thought where is she? Oh look a fucking stupid text. I wouldn't even reply.maje her sweat and then say your budgie died and you needed to sit on it's eggs for the day before taking your husband to the zoo after his shoes got lost so you're sorry but she's no longer needed.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Thanks for the laugh, @BlippiPoops!!

Mallysmomma · 02/02/2022 13:16

I’m a nanny (and a mum) and this is so unprofessional. I would definitely let her go and find someone else. Sounds like she’s going to be a nightmare to employ. A nanny is supposed to make your life easier not more difficult. I am actually shocked any nanny worth her salt would do this. X

Lipsandlashes · 02/02/2022 13:18

YANBU I would have to have a limb hanging off before I'd call in sick or with an excuse for my first day at a new job. She definitely doesn't bode well for the future.

Lockdownbear · 02/02/2022 13:30

This is the exact reason why I wouldn't use a nanny or childminder, too much reliance on one person.

WonderfulYou · 02/02/2022 13:31

How do you know she didn’t lie? Like someone else said, once you start getting these kind of excuses they often just don’t stop.

How do you know she did lie?

Many posters have already made their mind up about her - saying things like she’s young, isn’t suited to be a nanny, has a poor work ethic etc - when OP has said she’s qualified and has good references etc.

She could be lying but there’s also nothing to say she’s not.

My friend (not a nanny!) asked me if I would look after her brother a few weeks ago as the vet needed to come out and her brother absolutely cannot be there as he has severe additional needs and does not like strangers and will attack them - when you are getting your beloved pet PTS that’s the last thing anyone wants.

I’ve never had a nanny but I assume it’s quite a long process to find someone who you like and is suitable.
I’d rather give this person one more chance than have to try and find someone else if it’s only a one off.

Fredstheteds · 02/02/2022 13:34

25 K plus pension is a great salary - you need someone reliable. You are paying this person a great deal of money that you earn

PinkSyCo · 02/02/2022 13:35

Playing devil’s advocate here, but it could be that the vet was an emergency appointment for a very poorly dog. Happened with me, dog started fitting, I knew it was the end for him so left my 5 year old with neighbours rather than drag him along to a very upsetting appointment. Then again it could be that she was just too tired. Seems mad to risk losing such a ( on paper) good job though!

Clymene · 02/02/2022 13:35

@WonderfulYou

How do you know she didn’t lie? Like someone else said, once you start getting these kind of excuses they often just don’t stop.

How do you know she did lie?

Many posters have already made their mind up about her - saying things like she’s young, isn’t suited to be a nanny, has a poor work ethic etc - when OP has said she’s qualified and has good references etc.

She could be lying but there’s also nothing to say she’s not.

My friend (not a nanny!) asked me if I would look after her brother a few weeks ago as the vet needed to come out and her brother absolutely cannot be there as he has severe additional needs and does not like strangers and will attack them - when you are getting your beloved pet PTS that’s the last thing anyone wants.

I’ve never had a nanny but I assume it’s quite a long process to find someone who you like and is suitable.
I’d rather give this person one more chance than have to try and find someone else if it’s only a one off.

Even if what she's saying is the honest truth (and it sounds like a highly embellished dog ate my homework story), the fact that she didn't even have the courtesy to ring the OP and texted her 30 minutes before she was due to start demonstrates she is unreliable and flaky.

And unreliable flaky childcare is worse than none.

ThinkingtheUnthinkable · 02/02/2022 13:38

Do you think she was angling to bring her brother to work with her ?

I'm usually quite soft and understanding but I think the set of convoluted reasons why she can't come in to work today is a bit like employee absence excuses bingo full house !

Sick pet
+
Deceased relative
+
Childcare for "dependant"

BINGO ! - FULL HOUSE !

......Sadly no prize for you though.

RedToothBrush · 02/02/2022 13:41

@madisonbridges

I wouldn't even reply.maje her sweat and then say your budgie died and you needed to sit on it's eggs for the day before taking your husband to the zoo after his shoes got lost so you're sorry but she's no longer needed.

😂😂😂
Oh yes, text this.

OMG do this.

Her job isn't optional. She can't just decide not to turn up if its a bit inconvenient for her.

She isn't taking the responsibility of it seriously, so I wouldn't trust her.

HaveringWavering · 02/02/2022 13:43

@WonderfulYou

How do you know she didn’t lie? Like someone else said, once you start getting these kind of excuses they often just don’t stop.

How do you know she did lie?

Many posters have already made their mind up about her - saying things like she’s young, isn’t suited to be a nanny, has a poor work ethic etc - when OP has said she’s qualified and has good references etc.

She could be lying but there’s also nothing to say she’s not.

My friend (not a nanny!) asked me if I would look after her brother a few weeks ago as the vet needed to come out and her brother absolutely cannot be there as he has severe additional needs and does not like strangers and will attack them - when you are getting your beloved pet PTS that’s the last thing anyone wants.

I’ve never had a nanny but I assume it’s quite a long process to find someone who you like and is suitable.
I’d rather give this person one more chance than have to try and find someone else if it’s only a one off.

If she had rung to talk to OP about the situation then perhaps one more chance might have been justified. But texting about such a fundamental thing is really not in. Remember that this is a job where the nanny will be in OP’s house and have care of her child, it’s one where they’ll be interacting face to face all the time, so the nanny would need to get used to in-person communication. It’s not like texting to say you won’t be able to do a day’s WFH admin work for a company or something.

crosstalk · 02/02/2022 13:46

The main red flag is her texting you half an hour before.

All the problems - say it was a neuro atypical child v attached to grandfather who died last week and who could not then bear being at a vets even with mum knowing a dog could die - would have surely been known the day before. Certainly more than an hour before the text.

And if your prospective nanny is used by her mum to look after her brother in certain circumstances, that's another red flag. Your nanny's priority may quite rightly be with her family but clearly not with yours.

She may just be working in a restaurant before she starts with you. It may also be a time she knows her parents are at home so she can work without being called on for their child care.

I would go back to the agency.

Aaaabbbcccc · 02/02/2022 13:51

She sounds like a babysitter not a nanny. To my mind a nanny is a professional and does the work as their full time job.

wildthingsinthenight · 02/02/2022 13:53

@LapinR0se

“I need someone reliable so unfortunately this is not going to work for us. Best of luck for the future” And block.

This