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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let nanny go

226 replies

Nikster1986 · 02/02/2022 11:16

We were due to have a new nanny start this morning, to look after my youngest. She texted half hour before she was due to be here to say her mum was taking her dog to the vet today. So she (the nanny) couldn't come in because she had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week.
I sympathise that things can converge and create a bit of a sh*t storm all at once. It sounds like that's the case here. But, why can't the son go to the vets with the mum? Why does the vets take all day? She hasn't offered a solution just said that was the case. She didn't even ask are we OK if she doesn't come, just stated it as fact.
Last night I was out for dinner and it turns out she also works nights at a restaurant and I do wonder if she is just plain tired and doesn't want to spend the day with an energetic 1 year old.
We need a reliable nanny; my husband works away so I need the support as my eldest has some additional development challenges.
So would IBU to find someone else. I've just started back to work so I'm only working 2 days and have the time to find someone. But I won't really once I'm back full time. I feel like I should cut our losses straight away. Appreciate thoughts

OP posts:
billy1966 · 02/02/2022 12:02

Oh an definitely tell the agency how unimpressed you are.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 02/02/2022 12:04

I would never reply.
If she turns up at your door, just ignore and close it in her face.

IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2022 12:07

You'd be daft to proceed imo
Stupid excuse and no actual apology!

senua · 02/02/2022 12:08

Actually, speak to the Agency first to ensure that you are not breeching any T&C so they can't wriggle out of finding a replacement.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2022 12:08

@Nikster1986

Thanks all. I did wonder if I was being a bit harsh - after all, it's her income and I'd hate to leave someone unable to pay their rent. However, she clearly has another job so probably won't be in totally dire straits. Though I don't know why she has another job - her salary with us is £25k for 4 days plus pension. I didn't make anything like that at 25! She is a qualified nanny and employed by us - her references were all fine though it was through an agency who maybe don't vet as well as they claim to. I guess we're going back to the drawing board on this
Oh. Cross posts

Talk to agency. Get refund or new nanny

AlternativePerspective · 02/02/2022 12:09

Her excuses are classic bullshit.

Eviethyme · 02/02/2022 12:09

She sounds quite young. i wouldn't want her as a nanny.

nannynick · 02/02/2022 12:09

YANBU - Nannies don't do that. They are problem solvers as dogsfrogslogs has written. They didn't make any effort to resolve the problem of you needing them to be at work. First day on the job and they call in to tell you they won't be in ... not a good start!

The contract should have a probation period in it, so you are fine to continue looking for someone to do the job during that probation period.

00100001 · 02/02/2022 12:11

Why is the lad missing all this school because his grandad died last week?? Confused

Gonnagetgoing · 02/02/2022 12:12

Absolutely shocking behaviour from your new nanny!

I was an au pair/child minder part time when I was 16-17 and I would have never have let the mother down at such short notice (her husband worked abroad and they had a shop).

She's giving very poor and probably half true excuses and you won't get in trouble if you fire her as she just hasn't turned up. Breach of contract maybe if excuse needed from your side?

I agree with others - evening work in a restaurant wouldn't sit well with me either and she has a good salary for a nanny.

WonderfulYou · 02/02/2022 12:13

I voted YABU

Of course it’s not great and you definitely need someone reliable but it’s only happened once and she’s been honest when she could have easily lied. Especially now when she could say she needs a PCR test or something.

There are many reasons why her brother can’t go to the vets so I would understand.

It’s up to you obviously but if she’s got good references and you liked her then I’d give her one more chance.

Gonnagetgoing · 02/02/2022 12:14

@senua

Actually, speak to the Agency first to ensure that you are not breeching any T&C so they can't wriggle out of finding a replacement.
@senua - I'm positive no T&C have been breached and the only possible thing the nanny could have done instead would be to lie probably untrue about not turning up due to sickness. That could very possibly have been construed as an acceptable excuse. clutching at straws here
Clymene · 02/02/2022 12:15

I would absolutely not continue with her. If you don't move hell and high water to get to your job on your very first day, there's zero hope of reliability going forward.

Also her family situation sounds chaotic. And you don't need a nanny who is dealing with chaos.

Gonnagetgoing · 02/02/2022 12:16

@WonderfulYou

I voted YABU

Of course it’s not great and you definitely need someone reliable but it’s only happened once and she’s been honest when she could have easily lied. Especially now when she could say she needs a PCR test or something.

There are many reasons why her brother can’t go to the vets so I would understand.

It’s up to you obviously but if she’s got good references and you liked her then I’d give her one more chance.

@WonderfulYou - oh come on - it's such a multi layered truth/lie when OP needs this childcare!
00100001 · 02/02/2022 12:16

@WonderfulYou

I voted YABU

Of course it’s not great and you definitely need someone reliable but it’s only happened once and she’s been honest when she could have easily lied. Especially now when she could say she needs a PCR test or something.

There are many reasons why her brother can’t go to the vets so I would understand.

It’s up to you obviously but if she’s got good references and you liked her then I’d give her one more chance.

But it's not as if the woman said something like.

I have to look after Dbro, would I possibly be able to bring him along, just whilst mum goes to vets, shouldn't be more than 2 hours.

Or whatever.

Actually try and offer a solution?

arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2022 12:17

Did something happen at the restaurant last night which made her not want to work for you?
To me her text is an absolute blatant 'I don't want this job'. (And send it in the form of a joke, a bit like the budgie response).
I'm not sure you need to text her, unless she's really dim, she's basically just handed in her notice.

Akire · 02/02/2022 12:19

Trust me it only get worse. “I can’t come in dog seriously Unwell have to look after brother so be in 10/1030 the latest really sorry about this” annoying but manageable.
Having to be off the whole day? Dog will need op and require care this week you well off out of it. It be Car break down, boiler repairs, sickness, lost my bank card can’t afford bus/get petrol. Family illness I’ve heard them all!

KarenTheGammonRemoaner · 02/02/2022 12:19

Of course it's not unreasonable to fire her. Did you get her from a proper agency and is she fully qualified and trustworthy? Go via a reputable agency.

Shiningpath · 02/02/2022 12:19

I didn't make anything like that at 25!

What’s that to do with anything? YANBU to not commence the agreed arrangement because of her unreliability. YABU to relate it to what you earned when you were her age, whenever that was. If you don’t think £25k is a fair wage then don’t offer it, but don’t expect her to be so grateful to you for paying what is a pretty standard nanny salary.

IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2022 12:20

Vet doesn't take all day.

Sloughsabigplace · 02/02/2022 12:21

Fuck that.

Who does that on the first day of any job?

ThisIsYourLifeToo · 02/02/2022 12:23

Of course it’s not great and you definitely need someone reliable but it’s only happened once and she’s been honest when she could have easily lied. Especially now when she could say she needs a PCR test or something.

How do you know she didn’t lie? Like someone else said, once you start getting these kind of excuses they often just don’t stop.

Blossomtoes · 02/02/2022 12:25

How hard was it to find her? And will the agency be able to supply someone better? How did you find out about her restaurant gig? I tend to agree that she’s basically resigned.

MatildaTheCat · 02/02/2022 12:25

I hope you haven’t paid the agency any commission. Her text translates into, ‘I’ve got a shit hangover and can’t be a read with your kid today. I might be in tomorrow but it depends on whether the ‘dog’ dies or something better comes along.’

gogohm · 02/02/2022 12:29

Let go, she obviously isn't going to be reliable if this is an excuse for missing her first day. If the child is school aged why can't he go wrong with the mum, or if older sit in the car in the car park at the vet

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