Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let nanny go

226 replies

Nikster1986 · 02/02/2022 11:16

We were due to have a new nanny start this morning, to look after my youngest. She texted half hour before she was due to be here to say her mum was taking her dog to the vet today. So she (the nanny) couldn't come in because she had to take care of her brother who wasn't in school at the moment because his grandpa died last week.
I sympathise that things can converge and create a bit of a sh*t storm all at once. It sounds like that's the case here. But, why can't the son go to the vets with the mum? Why does the vets take all day? She hasn't offered a solution just said that was the case. She didn't even ask are we OK if she doesn't come, just stated it as fact.
Last night I was out for dinner and it turns out she also works nights at a restaurant and I do wonder if she is just plain tired and doesn't want to spend the day with an energetic 1 year old.
We need a reliable nanny; my husband works away so I need the support as my eldest has some additional development challenges.
So would IBU to find someone else. I've just started back to work so I'm only working 2 days and have the time to find someone. But I won't really once I'm back full time. I feel like I should cut our losses straight away. Appreciate thoughts

OP posts:
TempNameChangexx · 03/02/2022 19:18

I also would have started a new nanny much earlier than my first day back to work. Spend some time with the next nanny to get them used to your child, house etc.

Bignanny30 · 03/02/2022 19:34

I’m not sure I’d be happy leaving my child with someone that unreliable.

dontyouwish2 · 03/02/2022 19:45

I agree with you and everyone that you should let her go. Not for the same reasons exactly.

While her excuses sound very unlikely, you do realise that you will have the same bs sounding excuse to your boss of 'my nanny did not show up because.......'

Do you not put your family before everyone and everything else, especially when you have an emergency yourself.

You said your DS has SN, so I'm not sure you are doing her the favour you think by paying her a little more, as you acknowledge she would have to work a little bit harder.

Her story sounds like bs, but at the most unfortunate times, we all have cringed at how we would explain unlikely events. Believers would say to her, it was meant to be.

I say let her go, because you will not, or cannot afford human problems elements to the work relationship.

user1493559472 · 03/02/2022 19:49

I am a qualified Nanny, now a Health Visitor. I would not do that. It is terrible! I would look for a new Nanny.

She has given nann

user1493559472 · 03/02/2022 19:50

She has given Nannies a terrible name!
Good luck

SaySomethingMan · 03/02/2022 19:59

I wonder if her brother has additional needs and is the reason she’s good with your DC and has makaton and BSL.
She didn’t go about asking the day off the right way and I’d be concerned about her reliability, in your position too.

MyLifeNow20 · 03/02/2022 20:04

Is this nanny a qualified level 3? Or an au pair?

Hugoslavia · 03/02/2022 20:08

If her brother's grandpa died, presumably was he not also hers, or close to him? Surely the vets appointment wasn't made half an hour before her day was due to start? Couldn't her mother have dropped her off at yours? What about a taxi? Surely her mum could have taken her brother? What mother would place such demands upon her own child resulting in her missing her first day at a new job. It was just one big excuse and she couldn't be bothered.

MyLifeNow20 · 03/02/2022 20:17

Just read the whole thread.
Difficult, Ive been a nanny, chilcminder and now work in preschool.
I would never text half an hour before BUT young adults theses days seem to think it is ok to text message.
I dont know the answer BUT from your message before she sounds very good.
I know she let you down, could you have a face to face with her and tell her how disapointed you were with the text, lay down some ground rules to start and maybe give her a probation period x

MeridianB · 03/02/2022 20:20

Wow. More excuses from her about the phone make me think the whole thing about vets was a total fiction.

And she handled it so badly. Twice!

The agency not checking references makes me wonder if she really has the qualifications she claimed, too.

But anyway, you’ve done the best thing. What a pain, but better to find out now than have some awful drama involving your young children!

MyLifeNow20 · 03/02/2022 20:22

Just read that too! And the agency!

hibbledibble · 03/02/2022 20:28

The excuses remind me of when I was recruiting for/had au pairs. They had sick mothers with cancer and other serious illnesses with such high frequency, that is was not believable. Either that or au pairing is the most dangerous job in the world.

I was due to interview one, when she messaged beforehand that she had to immediately go back to Spain as her mother was having an operation for cancer. I found out that she had just decided to go to another family, and then stole from them. A lucky break for me, but I don't understand why people can't be honest.

whynotwhatknot · 03/02/2022 20:37

Hiarious excuses

and my favourite post on here is calm down shes only done it once

she hasnt even bloody started yet!

JeremyWadesBigRod · 03/02/2022 20:50

£25k is the starting salary for a fully qualified NHS nurse. I would love to see the ward managers face if a new nurse tried this on day one.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 03/02/2022 21:05

What mother would place such demands upon her own child resulting in her missing her first day at a new job

you'd be surprised how many parents forget that their adult children have jobs

Getabloominmoveon · 03/02/2022 21:05

Bodes very badly. Nip it in the bud now.

Frazzled2207 · 03/02/2022 21:19

She didn’t turn up on her very first day because her mum needed to take the dog to the vet?
That’s a complete joke. Yeah cut your losses right now.

Bleachmycloths · 03/02/2022 21:20

Get rid of her. I wouldn’t trust such an unreliable person with a one year old. Sounds entitled. She could be trouble in the future. Keep the text as evidence.

Flickflak · 03/02/2022 21:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Dibbydoos · 03/02/2022 21:46

I'm wondering how old she is. I wouldn't want a child with me at tge vets, tbh. Managing 3 dogs on my own is enough! Ergo, I'd call her and have it out with her. She may not be making the decision on whether you're important or not and your job might just allow her the freedom she needs, so don't fire her cos you don't like her excuse. Talk to her adult to adult and then decide. So many people are so trigger happy in this world. Try not to be one of them x

blueshoes · 03/02/2022 22:29

Nah, someone does not turn up on their first day on short notice? Consider that a no-show. Fire.

RachaelN · 04/02/2022 06:53

Not great first impression. I would let her go.

elcoucho · 04/02/2022 21:32

I’m a nanny; I would expect to be fired if I behaved like this (which I never would)

ScreamingBeans · 05/02/2022 08:32

I would actually ask for my money back from the agency. They haven't checked her references and you've suffered significant loss as a result, you haven't been able to go to work as a result. It's what you pay them for and they haven't done it.

sobby · 05/02/2022 13:10

Go with your gut feeling ? This is her first day and and she has already let you down.

I personally wouldn’t employ anyone that works late evenings elsewhere as I think they might be tired the next day and children can get very grumpy and test your patient when you are tired.

She didn’t seem to think it was a issue with letting you down and not appearing on her first day. So I can guarantee it will happen again .