To have a child knowing they’ll spend 4 or 5 days in nursery?

[mvmvmvmv]

AIBU to have a child knowing they’d likely be in nursery 4 days a week after my maternity, and likely going to 5 days a week by age 3? Is it unreasonable to have a child knowing they will need to spend so much time in nursery? Is it cruel?

We have zero family nearby, and family finances mean we both pretty much need to work full time (one of us could drop to 4 days for a year).

I don’t want to use a nanny or au pair as I’d want my child to have social interaction with other kids. There are v few childminders near us so unlikely to be an option. The local nursery is very good tho.

Of course it is not cruel.
It s fine
Get a cleaner
Spend the weekend doing nice family stuff
Takecyour holidays

No of course it isn't op, many people have to or want to do this. If it's worrying you that much then can you save in advance make your maternity at long as you can?

Mine goes 5 days. Loves it!

YANBU, lots of people do this and their children are just fine. Finding a good nursery is key, as is spending quality time with your child (ie. be present, not on your phone like so many parents always are!) at the weekend.

Why on earth would it be cruel? It's what the vast majority of people do. My DS loves nursery. Just today he got to play with dinosaurs, do some painting for Chinese New Year, go to the park with all his friends, make dumplings, do a yoga session plus all the other normal nursery activities (books/singing/dancing/playing. I got to have a good day at work and pay my mortgage. There are only winners here.

I think YABU for asking the question tbh.

Most people use childcare. It isn’t a terrible thing.

DS was in nursery for 4 days a week from 7 months. 7:30am to 5:30pm and I love him so much! We have a fab time at the weekends and he’s always eaten dinner with us in the evenings. The day he isn’t in nursery he’s with my mum.

I have a career that I’m proud of and really enjoy.

The staff at the nursery are lovely and I’m confident that he’s being well cared for.

Depends on the nursery. If the right nursery is chosen there is nothing wrong with it.

A good nursery in my opinion:

• Low staff turn over.
• Large indoor play area with a lovely large garden.
• Good range of activities offered to the children.
• Homemade meals.
• Regular check-ins with the child's key worker.

I thought most people do this. I will do 4 days after maternity and then maybe 5 after 2 years but most people I know have their kids go 5 days to Nursery. Make sure you pick a decent nursery where you believe they will take good care of your child and make any time that you do slend with them quality time.

Don't be daft, most love going to nursery.
They have to go to school eventually anyway, I'm lucky if I get a "bye" when I drop my lot off at school.

Of course it's not cruel. Mine go 3 days per week. Eldest went 4 days for a while. Youngest will be going to 4 days when eldest starts school.

Otherwise, having children would be a privilege of the very well off!

My kids love their nursery. They have great relationships with their key workers and room staff, eat food that they refuse at home, play loads, eldest has friends, youngest has a great nap (way longer than she has at home). It's great for them.

Perfectly normal around here!

Dd went to nursery full time from 9 months to school age. She is loved, loving, happy, wonderful and no one would ever think she had had a bad life. Nursery can be a fantastic environment.

Do you honestly look at people who put their kids in nursery and think they are cruel?? Do you judge the fathers too or just the mothers?

It's not cruel at all!

My DS is in nursery 5 days and he loves it. It's worked wonders for his communication and confidence. I have a job I enjoy and we're financially more comfortable. For us it's win-win.

I make sure that I'm absolutely focused on DS in the mornings, evenings and weekends. I also use all my annual leave regularly to do nice things with him, so like a day off per fortnight rather than a big holiday once a year.

It's certainly not a reason not to have DC.

Your kids will have a great time. My eldest started at preschool aged 2 years 4 months and my youngest started at the childminder at 15 months and have both loved their experiences. Lots of mums also send them in at a younger age and they cope just fine!

Oh yes, I barely get a backwards glance as they happily bound in their key workers remind them to say bye to mummy!

I make sure we have quality time after nursery, many books and cuddles. Also weekends are family time - I actively avoid scheduling anything that means we're not together over the weekend. When eldest was tiny, I had a cleaner too whilst I was at work, but now I aim to get as much done during my lunch break (WFH) so that not having to do much cleaning over the weekend. Plus I have significantly lowered my standards they're not always going to be climbing on my lap to give me kisses...

It’s normal, not cruel. Don’t worry it won’t stop you having a close bond with your child.

I would say childcare is really important if it's 4/5 days a week. A nanny or childminder could be better for a child under 2.5 I'd say as they can give then more 1:1 than most nurseries. You basically want someone to have a really strong loving bond with them. Socialising can be at groups or with a couple of chn. Nursery provides plenty of great opportunities for learning and social interaction later on.

My DS goes 2.5 days a week and spends another day with his DGPs. He LOVES nursery but initially I felt like you did and have agonised over my decision. But ultimately, he has two chilled out parents who are mostly getting their work life balance right, he has a great relationship with his GPs and he’s learning SO much more than I could teach him at home. We chose an amazing nursery though and it is a really nurturing environment. I think the closer to 2years old you leave it, the better, but my DS went at 16 months and we have a great bond still and he’s showing no signs of any attachment issues or anything like that. A good nursery is a wonderful thing. Just be prepared for almost constant illness 😂

It’s fine.

Really don’t sweat it!

I used to finish up early some days and go in to pick mine up before the end of the day. She’d say (almost invariably) “I am doing xyz or playing with Lucy / Charlie / Sophie - can you come back when I’ve finished / when their mums come please?”

Staff used to laugh at me heading back out empty handed!

Not cruel (poor choice of words tbh), just normal. Both of mine go full time, both love it (and it's the ones only in a day or two who struggle in the older one's group).

Of course it's not cruel.

I think loads of people put their small kids in childcare these days as they simply have no choice.

Is it cruel to have children only to pack them off to school 5 days a week and subject them to the pressure of exams?

Which continued at after school club, actually. Got to the point where I’d phone first and hear them call out, “CocoJnr, do you want mum to come up now, or 6pm?”