To have a child knowing they’ll spend 4 or 5 days in nursery?

[mvmvmvmv]

AIBU to have a child knowing they’d likely be in nursery 4 days a week after my maternity, and likely going to 5 days a week by age 3? Is it unreasonable to have a child knowing they will need to spend so much time in nursery? Is it cruel?

We have zero family nearby, and family finances mean we both pretty much need to work full time (one of us could drop to 4 days for a year).

I don’t want to use a nanny or au pair as I’d want my child to have social interaction with other kids. There are v few childminders near us so unlikely to be an option. The local nursery is very good tho.

I don't see why it is a problem. I plan to send my LO full time and think it is good for their social skills and development. Many children enjoy being around other children.

It is also a comparatively short time as they would be in full time school from 4 anyway.

And my kids have done the lot: nursery, childminders, school nursery, neighbours, holiday club, a dvd and spinnychair in a classroom while I taught holiday intervention... anyone who'd have them really.

@ImWearingReallyJudgyPants

This was a big thing on MN when my children were little (20 years ago). I was a SAHM, but if I had been forced to work, my preferences would have been 1. Nanny; 2. CM; 3. Nursery (and that is excluding family help, as we didn't have any). I became close friends with several nannies of my DC's friends; good nannies are the best substitute for a parent, and will ensure that children are socialised.

It's not natural for small children to spend their entire time with their peers. They need to meet and interact with people of all ages, and they can only do this if they are living in the outside world, not sequestered away in a nursery.

From my friends' experiences, I wouldn't want my children looked after by young people on the minimum wage in a nursery. These people are doing a crucial job, but the wages they are offered are unlikely to attract the people with the intelligence that you would wish for in the people who are caring for your child. Even things like learning "ta" instead of "thank you" would have put me off.

🤣🤣🤣 Why would it put you off exactly? I’m a doctor and I will sometimes say ta instead of thank you

What’s cruel is the extortionate cost of child care, housing costs, food prices, petrol, taxes that make it impossible for young families to have a choice in how to raise their own children and the number of children they can afford:

My kids hear much worse language from their educated, professional mother than from the nursery they went to. Granted, I often taught them the etymology too.
The women who looked after them as small children had a very different skillset to me, which was brilliant for my children. Had I been a sahm, I would have spent a lot of time on my phone. Small children are not my thing.

Do you ask men who work full-time why they bothered to have children?

I think I can answer that one..... of course they bloody don't!

@stuntbubbles

Arguably a sense of security and confidence, gained from spending these very formative days with an adult who has time to build a strong, rich and personal relationship with them, You mean like a nursery key person?

A nursery keyworker isn't comparable to a nanny or a childminder.

@TheMoth

My kids hear much worse language from their educated, professional mother than from the nursery they went to. Granted, I often taught them the etymology too. The women who looked after them as small children had a very different skillset to me, which was brilliant for my children. Had I been a sahm, I would have spent a lot of time on my phone. Small children are not my thing.

Ah, these were the Olden Days. We didn't have phones, so there weren't any technological distractions... But in any case, I love small children. Toddlers are brilliant. Though I found teenagers tedious, so each to their own...

DT’s went to nursery full time from six months. We also used breakfast, after school and holiday clubs - all very normal. They are now 22 - both have first class degrees, excellent jobs in Europe and great relationship with DH and I - what’s cruel?

Why are people on this thread talking about childminders like they're some kind of gold standard? My kids went to an extremely good nursery with low staff turnover, great activities, a lovely big garden etc.

My friends who used childminders had no end of issues. It's not as simple as childminder = good, nursery = bad.

@ImWearingReallyJudgyPants

This was a big thing on MN when my children were little (20 years ago). I was a SAHM, but if I had been forced to work, my preferences would have been 1. Nanny; 2. CM; 3. Nursery (and that is excluding family help, as we didn't have any). I became close friends with several nannies of my DC's friends; good nannies are the best substitute for a parent, and will ensure that children are socialised.

It's not natural for small children to spend their entire time with their peers. They need to meet and interact with people of all ages, and they can only do this if they are living in the outside world, not sequestered away in a nursery.

From my friends' experiences, I wouldn't want my children looked after by young people on the minimum wage in a nursery. These people are doing a crucial job, but the wages they are offered are unlikely to attract the people with the intelligence that you would wish for in the people who are caring for your child. Even things like learning "ta" instead of "thank you" would have put me off.

Wow.

A very middleclass friend of mine was always complaining she was spending a fortune for her kids to learn a strong scouse accent. All the young staff at her very nice nursery were local Liverpool girls. 😊

Is it cruel?! Do one OP.

Of course not! DD adores her childminder who she's been with 5 days a week since she was one. Even with most parents working, I read somewhere that parents now spend more time with their kids than they did 70 years ago, because we have labour saving devices that mean we don't have to devote every waking hour to cleaning and cooking.

These people are doing a crucial job, but the wages they are offered are unlikely to attract the people with the intelligence that you would wish for in the people who are caring for your child

Jesus. People on minimum wage are unintelligent are they?

3 adult children who went to childcare fulltime after the first year. We had lovely times at weekends and holidays, made friends we still have today at creche. They are perfectly lovely successful young adults who would NEVER spout the kind of classist, ignorant comment quoted above so we must have done something right.

My Dc thrived at nursery and each morning would be excited to attend. They are interacting with children everyday and learning new things. I see it as a benefit rather than a disadvantage to children.

@ImWearingReallyJudgyPants

This was a big thing on MN when my children were little (20 years ago). I was a SAHM, but if I had been forced to work, my preferences would have been 1. Nanny; 2. CM; 3. Nursery (and that is excluding family help, as we didn't have any). I became close friends with several nannies of my DC's friends; good nannies are the best substitute for a parent, and will ensure that children are socialised.

It's not natural for small children to spend their entire time with their peers. They need to meet and interact with people of all ages, and they can only do this if they are living in the outside world, not sequestered away in a nursery.

From my friends' experiences, I wouldn't want my children looked after by young people on the minimum wage in a nursery. These people are doing a crucial job, but the wages they are offered are unlikely to attract the people with the intelligence that you would wish for in the people who are caring for your child. Even things like learning "ta" instead of "thank you" would have put me off.

You sound like an absolute cunt

Pretty sure my daughter has more fun with her childminder than she does me! She goes 5 days a week, 8-4 and is the happiest little soul.

Why do you want a child?

I wouldnt say its cruel, but its not good for them. Unfortunately this is the world we live in. Also depending on at what age you put them in. They dont need other children, certainly not until the age of 3. They need a stable adult person if you can manage that so I think a nanny is a better option for the child than nursery.

My DD had been doing 3 full days since she was 10months. She is almost 18months and will continue going whilst I am on mat leave.
She loves it and when I take her to music and dance groups or playgroup on my days off I can see how confident she is around other kids and adults. I also feel like she learns loads there too, we'll sing a nursery rhyme and she'll know all the actions or sing certain words!
Although all her firsts (steps, words) she has saved for us at home

YABVU for asking the question.

My DS has been in nursery 4-5 days a week from age 1. Do you think I’m a cruel mother?

I think I’m a lone parent and sole breadwinner keeping a roof over his head and food on the table.

@WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia

Why do you want a child?

Why are you so rude?

@BluebellsGreenbells

What’s cruel is the extortionate cost of child care, housing costs, food prices, petrol, taxes that make it impossible for young families to have a choice in how to raise their own children and the number of children they can afford:

Totally agree with this!

@WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia

Why do you want a child?

Eh?!