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Original poster

Overwhelmed by the amount of alcohol that DH keeps buying

176 replies

BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 11:44

Please someone talk me down.

My DH keeps buying spirits, because he thinks they could be collectors items in the future, or simply because he thinks the bottle looks cool or quirky.

We do not drink spirits There are maybe a few times in the summer, where he might make us a cocktail, which would require using spirits, but that's literally it.

If we are drinking, it's white wine we would always have.

I have a lovely old cabinet that was my Nan's. This is now so full of bottles, that one of the shelves has cracked with the weight. Then when the cabinet was full, the collection started being put on the floor, growing slowly outwards on the carpet, or it got put in the window seat (hollow underneath).

I have just tried to tidy them up a bit, and felt utterly overwhelmed by all of this drink that we will never consume - I counted 104 bottles !
They are a combination of unopened, or mostly he has opened the bottle to try, so it's almost full, but certainly couldn't be gifted to someone in that state.

I know this is a first world problem, but I feel so absolutely overwhelmed by this amount of stupid and pointless consumerism, not to mention the clutter it's creating.

He does not have hoards of cash by any means either. So spending this much of stuff we don't drink seems stupid!

He does the same with CD's - buys at least 2 every week, so we now have thousands. They look okay as we have a lot of shelving.

What would you suggest? It's making me feel sick.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 01/02/2022 11:47

It'd drive me bonkers too.
You have to try to get through to him the effect its having on you.
Maybe get a plan of something nice you can afford together if he puts money to that instead.

orinocosfavoritecake · 01/02/2022 11:51

I dunno. It’s eccentric, but seems pretty harmless.

astoundedgoat · 01/02/2022 11:55

That's super weird.

Although the CD thing would piss me off even more. Spending as much as £30 a week or more on obsolete technology? Does he even play them or is it just obsessive collecting?

Is there any pattern to the alcohol purchases? Like indie gin, or premium whisky? Get him into wine instead and have him store it in a wine storage unit so he can scratch his itch but keep it out of your hair.

Or rent him a small storage unit as a "surprise" because you don't want all his booze spoiling by the radiator (which it will) and help him move it all there.

MatildaTheCat · 01/02/2022 11:59

It’s a form of hoarding. Very difficult to address but you might need help from experts ( plenty on here) to move this along. Unfortunately he’ll probably replace this obsession with something else.

allthingsnaice · 01/02/2022 11:59

Sounds a bit like hoarding, has he ever got rid of any? I'd be tempted to tell him opened bottles need to go (and I'm not really sure on his logic of some spirits being worth fortunes in the future but one or two wouldn't be an issue!) because they're no use, you couldn't sell or gift them so unless he drinks them they aren't needed.

If it's breaking furniture / having to be put on the floor because there's no space and it's not a necessary item then it's a problem imo!

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 12:02

I have told him how overwhelming I am finding this - it makes no difference. I know it seems harmless, but even if each bottle was £20 (and a few are a lot more than that), that's over £2000 worth of booze that we will never touch. It is also annoying to store. But, I think for me, it's the overwhelming pointlessness of it - it seems obscene when people are starving in the world. Why is he doing this? There is no pattern to the collecting. It's rum, whisky, vodka, gin. We only drink white wine. I know it seems over the top, but looking at it all sitting there makes me want to cry.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 12:04

And I should add - I am not anti alcohol in any way. We drink far too much wine (which we are addressing), but neither of us likes spirits really. 104 bottles!!

OP posts:
SpacePotato · 01/02/2022 12:05

Agree with Matilda about it being a form of hoarding or OCD compulsive behaviour.

Have you actually spoken to him about it?

What was his fix before the alcohol and CD's?

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 12:05

If I told him to get rid, he would flatly refuse.

OP posts:
Hungry625f · 01/02/2022 12:06

What other batshit stuff does he do? Wondering if there is a pattern.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 01/02/2022 12:08

They'll be worthless if opened.

It sounds like he has a spending problem. There's not a lot you can do about that unfortunately. Just make sure your finances are separate and ask him to store them somewhere else if they're ruining the furniture or acting as trip hazards.

FelicityPike · 01/02/2022 12:09

Can you sell them without him knowing?

FelicityPike · 01/02/2022 12:09

Sorry…..not all at once, but one or two a week/ month?

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 12:11

@SpacePotato

Agree with Matilda about it being a form of hoarding or OCD compulsive behaviour.

Have you actually spoken to him about it?

What was his fix before the alcohol and CD's?

I do think there is an element of hoarding behaviour. He lived in a 3 bed flat before he moved in with me, and every room was a fucking nightmare. At least 2 of the bedrooms were piled high with junk. That said, when we decided he would move in with me, he had no problem getting a trailer and taking 90% of it to the tip.

At this house, he has one small room downstairs, which is entirely his own. It's rarely tidy, and he buys silly stuff for it, like models from games, or toy cars. Crap really. Thankfully I never go in there, and the rest of the house is tidy.

I think that I have a form of OCD in the other direction, as I feel really unhappy when rooms are a mess and things are out of place. It makes my head hurt. I don't see the point of spending money on things we won't use. If he came home with a bottle tonight, I think I'd burst in to tears at the stupidity of it!

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 01/02/2022 12:12

Big party at your place! Tell everyone to bring their mixers, cocktail shakers and get a few kg of ice and have a fabulous time.

Then try to get your DH to resolve to cut back on this habit/ stop it all together.

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 12:13

@astoundedgoat

That's super weird.

Although the CD thing would piss me off even more. Spending as much as £30 a week or more on obsolete technology? Does he even play them or is it just obsessive collecting?

Is there any pattern to the alcohol purchases? Like indie gin, or premium whisky? Get him into wine instead and have him store it in a wine storage unit so he can scratch his itch but keep it out of your hair.

Or rent him a small storage unit as a "surprise" because you don't want all his booze spoiling by the radiator (which it will) and help him move it all there.

He does play them, yes. He commutes an hour to work and back, and rotates them in the car. He says it's not the same playing music that you don't own. I don't really want to spend money on a storage unit.
OP posts:
RuthTopp · 01/02/2022 12:13

Agree - worthless once opened.

BrimFullOfAsher · 01/02/2022 12:16

Maybe point out that those he has opened to try will certainly not be worth a fortune in the future anymore (assuming they actually would anyway).

Use his reasons for hoarding buying them against him

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 12:16

To answer a few Q.

He doesn't do anything else that batshit. Defo an over spender tho - I counted the other day - he has 42 coats!!

Finances are separate.

I couldn't sell any - he would notice!

If we had a party, he would say that most couldn't be opened as they are special - and I don't really fancy a party tbh. Friends are spaced out all over the place, loads would need to stay - can't be arsed, lol.

OP posts:
UltraVividLament · 01/02/2022 12:16

I think I would be inclined to remove all the bottles from where they currently are, sort them into opened and unopened. Store the unopened bottles in a large lidded box or boxes and put them somewhere out of the house, if you have it. Shed, garage, even an outside storage box. Every time he buys a new bottle, put it straight into this storage. I'd personally just pour away the opened bottles, and recycle them, but I imagine if you did that, he would react very badly?

Regarding the CDs, what on earth is he buying weekly? Does he think they might be collectors items too?

I'm sure you know, but the likelihood of anything he is buying, spirits wise, being worth a lot in the future is infinitesimally small. I would challenge that as an excuse every time he says it, because it's just plain wrong.

Do you think he is likely to recognise his behaviour as hoarding/OCD?

Donkeyinamanger · 01/02/2022 12:16

Surely an easy win here is that he puts the bottles that he has hoarded into his room. I know that doesn't help with the massive waste of money, but at least from your point of view, they would be easier to ignore in there.

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 12:17

The ones he says will be worth a fortune in the future, he has not opened.

OP posts:
shinynewapple22 · 01/02/2022 12:17

I cannot agree that this is harmless .

It's one thing if he is spending a lot of money on a hobby which he enjoys but spending money on CDs which he never plays or alcohol which is neither enjoyed nor appropriate as an investment if he has opened bottles and tried one glass is a different thing .

What are your finances like? Can you afford for him to waste money like this?

It sounds like some kind of spending addiction.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/02/2022 12:18

Move them all into his room.

Now.

If he wants them. He stores them

shinynewapple22 · 01/02/2022 12:20

Sorry - I missed that he does actually play the CDs. That's fair enough then if he can afford it and he gets enjoyment listening to them .