Overwhelmed by the amount of alcohol that DH keeps buying

[BlondeDogLady]

Please someone talk me down.

My DH keeps buying spirits, because he thinks they could be collectors items in the future, or simply because he thinks the bottle looks cool or quirky.

We do not drink spirits There are maybe a few times in the summer, where he might make us a cocktail, which would require using spirits, but that's literally it.

If we are drinking, it's white wine we would always have.

I have a lovely old cabinet that was my Nan's. This is now so full of bottles, that one of the shelves has cracked with the weight. Then when the cabinet was full, the collection started being put on the floor, growing slowly outwards on the carpet, or it got put in the window seat (hollow underneath).

I have just tried to tidy them up a bit, and felt utterly overwhelmed by all of this drink that we will never consume - I counted 104 bottles !
They are a combination of unopened, or mostly he has opened the bottle to try, so it's almost full, but certainly couldn't be gifted to someone in that state.

I know this is a first world problem, but I feel so absolutely overwhelmed by this amount of stupid and pointless consumerism, not to mention the clutter it's creating.

He does not have hoards of cash by any means either. So spending this much of stuff we don't drink seems stupid!

He does the same with CD's - buys at least 2 every week, so we now have thousands. They look okay as we have a lot of shelving.

What would you suggest? It's making me feel sick.

You cant sell anything which has been opened, so they now have no value, is he insane? If it were me, I would start encouraging him to at least give unopened bottles away as birthday/ wedding presents. The opened bottles wont last for ever, have you thought about googling each opened bottle and seeing how long they will keep for?

YANBU

My mum is a severe hoarder (can’t see the windows or back door and can barely get through the front) and this is exactly how it started.

Things were collected in case they were worth money some day.

Then someone died or were giving something away so she’d have it.

Everything’s always “too good to give away” / “it might come in handy one day” / “it might be worth money”

The hoarding got really bad before anyone knew it and by then it was too late.

I don’t have much advice apart from I would try and stop it before it gets too bad which is very difficult as it’s his house and money too.

Maybe have the cabinet stuff but say that’s it - he can fill the cabinet up but if there’s no more room, there’s no more room. So he should be buying very special bottles only.

How can you practically dismiss the 42 coats but be annoyed about the bottles ? They're all part of the same problem , also the CDs.
I think he has a form of OCD.

I could move the booze there - it would look terrible though. It would have to sit on the floor

But at least you won't have to look at it. You said you don't go in there.
Make it HIS problem.

DH had a spare room/man cave. Except when I got pregnant he procrastinated about clearing it out and did nothing. 8 month after DC was born I lost my shit and went to stay in an AirBnb! Magically all the shit was cleared from the spare room (which wasn’t really spare as DD needed her own space!)

When we moved house boxes and boxes of stuff ‘got broken/lost’ mainly electronic shit (I threw out 10+ 9v adaptors, car stereos with no face, etc) and clothes (had holes in and/or 3 sizes too small and hadn’t been worn for 10+ years) DH hasn’t noticed yet.

Every time DH bought something or something arrived I commented loudly about more useless fucking shit being brought in the house. He would always think he bought some gadget that was massively useful and wondered why I was so unhappy.

DH also had a tendency to take over every single storage space in the house. So the stuff that actually needed to be put away couldn’t be put away. Now I’m very careful that if we buy new storage I immediately fill it with stuff so that it has a clear use (e.g. it’s not a random shit cupboard). All of DH’s shit is now in the loft or the under stairs cupboard.

I found the only way was to stop stuff coming through the door. Never making any positive comments about useless shit he brought. I also have clear expecting of what goes where. None of DHs shit goes in DC’s room. None of DH’s shit goes into the living room or the kitchen diner. Family items only belong there. He tries to argue that something that me/DC would never use is a family item but it gets removed every single time.

I would have clear demarcation of what is shared space (only shared stuff), your space (sounds like you don’t have any), and his space (to put his crap in).

Why does he have a whole room for his shit? Is all his shit filling up the garage as well?

I'd tell him to buy a shed as you are no longer having them in house.
Also explain your issue above to him

Shame to have opened them, that renders the whole idea pointless really.

I would suggest therapy, simply getting rid of the bottles or CDs won't solve the underlying problem.

Oh wow, I just noticed who posted above me. I didn't copy your username @Tulips21

I could be wrong, but I thought alcohol had to be stored properly to be worth anything? Not just dumped in a room in the house…
Has he ever gambled? It sounds like OCD, where he’s replaced a beggar problem with something less serious.
If he’s not selling them, what’s he keeping them for, realistically they won’t be worth anything for years, I can’t see a £20 /£80 bottle of spirits being worth much.

@Dishwashersaurous

Move them all into his room.

Now.

If he wants them. He stores them

yes I think this too.

It is a form of hoarding and he is letting his colelction creep over the house.
So make it stay in his room.
He can buy what he likes as long as it stays in his room.

that way, once the room is full, he will have to act.

But the coats!!!
You are right, he has a spending problem.
be very careful that you keep your fincances separate

*bigger not beggar

@Mrsmadevans

Are you absolutely sure he isn't drinking the spirits Op ? Only having lived with a functioning alcoholic Father & brother ,they drank the booze and filled up the bottle with some other liquid.

Definitely not. He only drinks wine. And we are both cutting that back at the moment, as we had been having too much. I would know if he sneaked any, and he really isn't.

He's not drinking it OP, and filling them back up with water??

My uncle did this........

@Ohbotherpiglet

Also spirits will go off if opened eventually- doesn’t he realise that? Anything that’s older than two years after opening should be binned.

He says alcohol at this percentage never goes off?

I've no idea??

Could some of it be compromised? That would be fantastic!

But of a hoarder./ collector

That sound like OCD-hoarding.

The more you do it, the more you feel compelled to do it. I would start by saying every time he buys a new bottle, he needs to throw one he already has out. I’d do the same with CDs.

Spirits won't go off in the usual sense of being inedible or dangerous to consume. But once opened they will lost flavour and oxidise, so won't maintain their flavour. Things with added ingredients like sugar, fruits, spices, herbs, can go off/musty after a few months of being open. I'm assuming none of them are cream type liqueurs?

Every time DH bought something or something arrived I commented loudly about more useless fucking shit being brought in the house. He would always think he bought some gadget that was massively useful and wondered why I was so unhappy

Ha! This is me! I say this a lot. In fact, the more I think about it, there is so much more than just the bottles. About 2 months ago, he revealed to me his latest "wonder" purchase : a plug in heater, about half the size of a cornflakes box. I asked him why he thought we needed that, as we have central heating, and he said we could take it on holiday. We only ever take hot holidays - not sure why we would need a heater when it's 80 degrees? It has been sitting under the stairs ever since.

He also came home with a fan from Aldi, in the winter time, when it was freezing outside. It sat in the garage for about 7 years. Now I use it at night, as I am getting my first hot flushes, and he says "You see you told me that was a rubbish purchase, but I was right, wasn't I?"

Aargh!

There are a few cream liqueurs, but all unopened I think.

Not read many PPs but if he says they are investments he certainly should not be opening the bottles and taking a sip! That makes them worthless! Has he research the subject? Does he know he can ''invest'' in vintage wines which are stored in bonded warehouses and you never get see them? Also I think the same can be done with some whiskies . But you have to pay for storage etc and it is a gamble. We actually lost money on vintage wines but did not hold them for very long.

from google:

How long can you keep spirits after opening?
Once the manufacturer bottles the liquor, it stops aging. After opening, it should be consumed within 6–8 months for peak taste, according to industry experts (3). However, you may not notice a change in taste for up to a year — especially if you have a less discerning palate

Is he secretly drinking them and topping them up with water / other liquids .

@tara66

Not read many PPs but if he says they are investments he certainly should not be opening the bottles and taking a sip! That makes them worthless! Has he research the subject? Does he know he can ''invest'' in vintage wines which are stored in bonded warehouses and you never get see them? Also I think the same can be done with some whiskies . But you have to pay for storage etc and it is a gamble. We actually lost money on vintage wines but did not hold them for very long.

He doesn't open the ones that he thinks could be an investment.

But even taking a sip and then leaving it for several years would seem to be a mistake according to the advice on here (things going off?)

Coming here from a thread about how desperate food banks are for donations, this is pretty hard to read. The obscene pointless excess.

If he recognises there's a problem, gets help, and resolves it, good. Otherwise, it would be a deal-breaker for me, OP.

If he won't stop, and you want to stay with him, then you'll have to make peace with it. The physical clutter can be confined to a single room, or stored elsewhere. The ethics of it are harder to resolve.

@Chickychickydodah

Is he secretly drinking them and topping them up with water / other liquids .

Definitely not. I wish he would drink them, ha ha.