Overwhelmed by the amount of alcohol that DH keeps buying

[BlondeDogLady]

Please someone talk me down.

My DH keeps buying spirits, because he thinks they could be collectors items in the future, or simply because he thinks the bottle looks cool or quirky.

We do not drink spirits There are maybe a few times in the summer, where he might make us a cocktail, which would require using spirits, but that's literally it.

If we are drinking, it's white wine we would always have.

I have a lovely old cabinet that was my Nan's. This is now so full of bottles, that one of the shelves has cracked with the weight. Then when the cabinet was full, the collection started being put on the floor, growing slowly outwards on the carpet, or it got put in the window seat (hollow underneath).

I have just tried to tidy them up a bit, and felt utterly overwhelmed by all of this drink that we will never consume - I counted 104 bottles !
They are a combination of unopened, or mostly he has opened the bottle to try, so it's almost full, but certainly couldn't be gifted to someone in that state.

I know this is a first world problem, but I feel so absolutely overwhelmed by this amount of stupid and pointless consumerism, not to mention the clutter it's creating.

He does not have hoards of cash by any means either. So spending this much of stuff we don't drink seems stupid!

He does the same with CD's - buys at least 2 every week, so we now have thousands. They look okay as we have a lot of shelving.

What would you suggest? It's making me feel sick.

42 coats is batshit. So is thinking whether you own music makes a difference or not when you listen to it. A Spotify premium subscription at £9.99 a month is probably less than he is spending on CDs, if he's buying them new.

Definitely a mental health issue. I'd be absolutely insisting on counselling. This is not normal behaviour.

Wait until your children become teenagers and then those bottles of Kibowi and Mozart Liqueur will disappear while your back is turned. It worked for my parents .

Seriously, this would drive me insane, but if an honest conversation doesn't sort it out, I don't know what would. Does he tend to be compulsive? Could you redirect his collecting urge onto something more useful?

@BlondeDogLady

I have told him how overwhelming I am finding this - it makes no difference. I know it seems harmless, but even if each bottle was £20 (and a few are a lot more than that), that's over £2000 worth of booze that we will never touch. It is also annoying to store. But, I think for me, it's the overwhelming pointlessness of it - it seems obscene when people are starving in the world. Why is he doing this? There is no pattern to the collecting. It's rum, whisky, vodka, gin. We only drink white wine. I know it seems over the top, but looking at it all sitting there makes me want to cry.

Bottles that are 20 quid aren't likely to become sought after by collectors, unopened or not. Not in his lifetime, definitely. The sort of whisky that becomes valuable is single malt, or expensive blends, where you know the year it was distilled/bottled. If you try to buy a bottle from 1982 for example for somebody's 40th birthday, that would be a few hundred pounds. But that's with decent stuff to begin with, the £50+ at today's prices.

If you can keep it unopened for longer than 40 years it does increase quite rapidly, pre-WWII stuff can be found at £4K or more. But opened - not much market for that.

Yes - if he has a room for junk, this needs to go in that room!

Does he realise how upset you are about this OP? The thing that would bother me most is the future - this will just get worse and worse.

It may even be worth arranging a marriage guidance session for both of you to talk this through calmly with a neutral person.

Collecting whisky can be worth something - but how it is stored is important - maybe encourage him to look into a buying whisky from a distillery where they store it for you. I'd bet money the stuff in your lounge is worthless - particularly if opened. Might cost him your sanity! But as others have said sounds like he is a hoarder / likes to collect stuff. Maybe this needs professional help.

Well if he would flatly refuse to get rid, you could then wait until he is out and then flatly refuse to keep, by the simple means of pouring the fucking lot down the sink.

I have little sympathy for this kind of antisocial shit, can you tell?

It's YOUR HOUSE TOO.

He does not get to do something pointless that is upsetting you to the point that you want to cry. Both of you need to live in the house!

Tell him - put his investment bottle in storage, drink or give away the rest as there is literally no point to them otherwise.

It is suggesting a hoarding tendency.

I'd recommend researching the causes of it - it's a recognised mental illness often linked to past trauma and needs expert help.

In some people it can involve animal hoarding, keeping long outgrown baby and children's stuff, all kinds of things.

Getting rid of it in secret or pressurising him to clear it out may make it worse.

Your clear preference for order and calm means this is a conflict that won't go away.

I know exactly what you mean. My other half will not discard old, obsolete, often broken tech. DVD players, extension cables, digital cameras and recording kit he will never use because the phone does it all now.

He is in his 70s.

I didn't deal with it early on and now I think it's too late for us.

@UltraVividLament

I think I would be inclined to remove all the bottles from where they currently are, sort them into opened and unopened. Store the unopened bottles in a large lidded box or boxes and put them somewhere out of the house, if you have it. Shed, garage, even an outside storage box. Every time he buys a new bottle, put it straight into this storage. I'd personally just pour away the opened bottles, and recycle them, but I imagine if you did that, he would react very badly?

Regarding the CDs, what on earth is he buying weekly? Does he think they might be collectors items too?

I'm sure you know, but the likelihood of anything he is buying, spirits wise, being worth a lot in the future is infinitesimally small. I would challenge that as an excuse every time he says it, because it's just plain wrong.

Do you think he is likely to recognise his behaviour as hoarding/OCD?

I don't really have any outdoor space to put them. Garage is full and we have a tiny townhouse garden. If I poured any away he would not be happy!

Not sure what CD's he buys, tbh.

I've challenged him. He says they will be worth something. I disagree, and let's say he made £100 - who wants to store tonnes of crap for 20 years just to make that??

42 coats!!!!!!

He really does have a problem op.

Does he understand he is wasting a ridiculous amount of money?

Is he the person keeping CDs in business? I don't think I've bought a CD in a decade. That's madness! I'd be furious!

If he is buying really good quality, specialist/limited edition/etc spirits like whisky, and intending on keeping them unopened for several decades before selling them, then they might make some money. But that's not really what he's doing, I suspect.

If he has his own room for his stuff, then move it all into there and refuse to have any in the shared areas. Same for the CDs.

OMG this could be my DH. He has about 100 bottles of single malt whiskey, he drinks probably a quarter of a bottle a year, and a couple of Guinness at the rugby. That's it. He also has dozens and dozens of coats.

His logic is that he likes coats and buying the whiskey now means he wont need to buy any when he retires ever again?????

He also buys sports memorabilia from charity functions/auctions at great expense so we have dozens of huge framed pictures of Gazza, England rugby shirts and signed cricket bats gathering dust in the garage

At least he does have Spotify so the CDs went to the charity shop some time ago.

If he can be stubborn and refuse to get rid of them OP, you can be stubborn too. Tell him this is making you miserable and you will keep nagging him until he finds a solution - either gets rid of it, or arranges a storage solution, or seeks professional help for his hoarding tendencies. He is being really selfish and inconsiderate.

42 coats!! Where do you even store so many?

What will you do if he point-blank refuses to stop buying more and more bottles, OP?

How much more are you prepared to put up with?

Difficult situation, but he can't be allowed to take over your (joint) home with all this stuff...

I am just imagining what his little room would look like, if I moved all 104 bottles in to there. It would be quite sickening, because they would be all over the floor. I think you could be on to something here. I think that would bring home the magnitude of the situation! I could get my Nan's cabinet fixed and then just move all the bottles into there. When he is sat playing his games, he would be literally surrounded by them. This is a tempting thought.

Absolutely this is hoarding. Don't expect it to make sense - it's a form of mental illness. Only professional mental health help combined with wanting to change is likely to make a substantial difference.

Sorry, I know that's really bleak, but it's the reality of hoarders. Hoarding has a big genetic component.

My other half will not discard old, obsolete, often broken tech. DVD players, extension cables, digital cameras and recording kit he will never use because the phone does it all now

You have my sympathy - we have a box of this crap as well.

Do it OP!

Hoarding like this is a mental health issue and needs professional help. Smashing or emptying the bottles will do no good at all - you cannot address this type of mental health issue with anger, sympathy or tears. If he refuses to acknowledge that there is any cause for concern, you will either have to come to terms with it or end the relationship.

I had a friend who was well known for having a cellar that contained Every Alcoholic Drink Known to Humanity - but in his case he was extremely hospitable and loved mixing cocktails, so the drinks he bought would be consumed and enjoyed.

It reminds me of something I read from Dr Gabor Mate where he would leave his patients in need to go to a CD shop to get his fix - it was compulsive and he couldn't help it. He called it a middle class addiction if I recall correctly - I found this article which talks about it a bit, dont know if it helps?

www.sfcv.org/articles/feature/losing-yourself-music-confessions-classical-music-shopper

Next time he tries to tell you that it's an investment , remind him that opened bottles aren't worth anything (possibly unless you have a pic to prove Elvis or someone took a swig out of it) and make it a rule of one in, one out. There ARE bottles which would be worth a lot in the future but they are even outrageously expensive now

Definitely put them in his room.

I really feel for you.

@SpacePotato

42 coats!!!!!!

He really does have a problem op.

Does he understand he is wasting a ridiculous amount of money?

He doesn't care about the money. He says he works hard (and he does). But he not on mega bucks by any means! Also, when you have so many coats, you forget what you've got really!! He's got 4 Canada Goose!!

Start storing it in his room.