Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overwhelmed by the amount of alcohol that DH keeps buying

176 replies

BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 11:44

Please someone talk me down.

My DH keeps buying spirits, because he thinks they could be collectors items in the future, or simply because he thinks the bottle looks cool or quirky.

We do not drink spirits There are maybe a few times in the summer, where he might make us a cocktail, which would require using spirits, but that's literally it.

If we are drinking, it's white wine we would always have.

I have a lovely old cabinet that was my Nan's. This is now so full of bottles, that one of the shelves has cracked with the weight. Then when the cabinet was full, the collection started being put on the floor, growing slowly outwards on the carpet, or it got put in the window seat (hollow underneath).

I have just tried to tidy them up a bit, and felt utterly overwhelmed by all of this drink that we will never consume - I counted 104 bottles !
They are a combination of unopened, or mostly he has opened the bottle to try, so it's almost full, but certainly couldn't be gifted to someone in that state.

I know this is a first world problem, but I feel so absolutely overwhelmed by this amount of stupid and pointless consumerism, not to mention the clutter it's creating.

He does not have hoards of cash by any means either. So spending this much of stuff we don't drink seems stupid!

He does the same with CD's - buys at least 2 every week, so we now have thousands. They look okay as we have a lot of shelving.

What would you suggest? It's making me feel sick.

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 01/02/2022 14:50

It IS a mental health issue and if he won't seek help and acknowledge it I would leave him. Truly I couldn't live with this.

Legalconundrums · 01/02/2022 14:51

He's not well, there is a definite issue here.

FlasherMcGruff · 01/02/2022 14:52

YANBU. I guess you need to look at the causes. Will anyone else be seeing the bottles? Does he think the collection creates a kind of cool personality for him when guests visit?

It seems like a poor investment if he’s buying many common spirits purely for their nice bottles. Even limited edition bottles aren’t worth much if the run is massive and they are supplied to supermarkets etc. Only rarer spirits will increase in value. Does he know anything about the spirits or is it magpie-type collecting on the look of the bottles?

Can you compromise - he keeps a dozen valuable ones and gets rid of the rest? Could probably sell them if they are unsealed.

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 15:22

He does know that the opened ones have no value. I'm not sure how many there are, that he thinks he will sell for profit in a few years - I'd say only about 5. The rest are just a jumble of ones he has bought because they look unusual, and ones people get him for Christmas. I think about 10 bottles came in at Christmas - I'm going to tell people no more next year. And I'm going to suggest he gifts some unopened ones for birthdays and Christmas - but we don't have many people to buy for! I think I might get them all out on Friday, and try to drink the ones that only have one or two measures in them - but I don't think there's many like that!!

OP posts:
WhileMyMeringueGentlyWeeps · 01/02/2022 15:23

Box them and put them in his room.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 01/02/2022 15:23

I agree it sounds like hoarding behaviour, but if he is a good partner in other ways, can you not just accommodate it as best you can, by making adjustments like asking/forcing him to keep the bottles in his own room? Wine racks can be fairly cheap for storage. I have some sympathy, as someone with hoarding tendencies married to another semi-hoarder. We are lucky enough to have plenty of space and enough of an income to manage our compulsive purchasing (mainly on ebay for secondhand stuff or bargains from Aldi's central aisle), so it's not really a problem. We live perfectly happily with our super-abundance of stuff and I would hate for someone to judge us as mentally ill and in need of treatment. I think there is a bit of a classist stigma to hoarding - the poor are certainly stigmatised much more for spending on things they don't 'need'.

Mossstitch · 01/02/2022 15:24

My ex had OCD and liked to collect things. There's nothing 'helps' as unless they acknowledge they have a problem they won't accept help in 'curing' them as they don't believe there is anything wrong! Was such a relief to pack all his stuff up and get it out of the house in the end, just wish I'd done it sooner! I dread to think what his place looks like now🙈 your only hope if you want to stay together (and yourself sane) is to ask him to keep his collections in his room as you have a right to live in a home free from clutter that you don't enjoy looking at and make sure you keep separate finances💐

Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 15:24

@SeenYourArse

He just has a compulsion to buy things! This is what he’s channeling it into currently but he needs to want to deal with the problem not the symptom
Yes, he does have a compulsion to buy things!

If I need something, I will go on-line, and search for that item and purchase it.

If he has time on his hands, he will go on to his laptop, and think "now, what can I buy?"

There's a distinct difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlondeDogLady · 01/02/2022 15:28

I agree it sounds like hoarding behaviour, but if he is a good partner in other ways, can you not just accommodate it as best you can, by making adjustments like asking/forcing him to keep the bottles in his own room?

This would be a good idea if there was room in "his" room, but there isn't. It would have to sit on the floor. I've invited 2 friends over soon, I shall see what we can get thru!

OP posts:
UltraVividLament · 01/02/2022 15:38

It's fine for it to sit on the floor in his room. You don't have to go in there and you can shut the door on it. If he doesn't like it there then he can sort it out. Better in there than in your cupboard and shared space.

theqentity · 01/02/2022 15:44

Could he be autistic? These collections could be his special interests.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/02/2022 15:49

@Regularsizedrudy

I don’t have any advice sorry but this would drive me MAD. CDs?! They are pretty much obsolete
Tell that to Ford and Mazda! DH and I have both bought brand new cars with CD players.

I won't criticise him for the CDs as I would probably still be buying them if I had the space but I couldn't stand the bottles.

theqentity · 01/02/2022 15:52

I have a friend with every single Yankee candle ever released, sealed and never lit. She loves them. They make her happy.

My husband has every issue of Doctor Who magazine, he hardly ever reads them but he won't be parted from them.

Collections like this aren't weird at all in the neurodiverse world.

UltraVividLament · 01/02/2022 15:58

There's a difference between a carefully managed collection of treasured items (however large), and the kind of behaviour the OP has described. The lack of care over how the bottles are stored, the lack of thought over where to display them/how to manage them and the impact they are having on the OP.

HollowTalk · 01/02/2022 15:59

Does he know about whisky which you buy as an investment? It's stored in a cask for several years and does go up a lot in value. Tell him to invest in that instead.

inappropriateraspberry · 01/02/2022 16:11

If he's buying it from the supermarket or local off-licence, I very much doubt that they would ever be worth anything or collectible.
If he's buying them from other places, he's likely spending a lot more than £20 on a bottle. For it to be worth a lot in the future, he'd have to spend a fair bit on it now - I'd say around £50 a bottle.
I'd be very concerned that he is hiding debt from you.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 01/02/2022 16:16

It’s definitely an illness but no idea how it could be resolved - he doesn’t think he has a problem.

Agreed with this. It causes desperate problems within families and there are no solutions except to reduce contact or leave people.

I've seen the quality of life of entire families reduced to a level of constant anxiety and depression by hoarding and/or debt relating to this and similar matters.

You can't compel autonomous adults to accept other people's perspective that they have a mental health problem with a severe impact on others even if they don't see it for themselves.

It's desperate.

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2022 16:22

@BlondeDogLady

I agree it sounds like hoarding behaviour, but if he is a good partner in other ways, can you not just accommodate it as best you can, by making adjustments like asking/forcing him to keep the bottles in his own room?

This would be a good idea if there was room in "his" room, but there isn't. It would have to sit on the floor. I've invited 2 friends over soon, I shall see what we can get thru!

So what if they're on the floor?

They're on the floor in your shared space now!

What do your DC think? You actually don't seem that bothered.

1forAll74 · 01/02/2022 16:22

What does your Husband class as the future ,with his wealth increasing , due to his many bottles of spirits,if they were ever sold. Is he going to wait until he is about 80, and he decides the time is right for makiing big money on all the bottles of booze.

Some types of alcohol, will kind of go off , if it's not stored properly, as in warmish conditions. and not in cool cellars etc,, this doesn't always mean wine.either..

TyrannosaurusRegina · 01/02/2022 16:37

Or rent him a small storage unit as a "surprise" because you don't want all his booze spoiling by the radiator (which it will) and help him move it all there

I'd do this - but I'd buy rent the storage unit as a birthday present for him.

Carolbaskinstiger · 01/02/2022 16:47

Not saying do this. But
What would his reaction be if you binned say half of them (the opened supermarket type ones)?

RobertsRadio · 01/02/2022 17:03

You need to get the cocktail shaker out for Friday night with your friends and thereafter perhaps make Saturday nights cocktail nights.

I would definitely move the bottles into his man cave and let him see how out of hand this has become.

BridStar · 01/02/2022 17:06

Have to put your foot down. He's buying rubbish, so like all men who reach a certain age and descend into hoarding madness, they have to keep it in the garage.

It's a revolting habit. I'm tired of seeing the when in my family destroyed by men who fill the house with boxes upon boxes of shit and who want to wallow in it. It's hoarding behaviour. They can still therapy for it or grow old alone surrounded by their mouldering junk.

Ohbotherpiglet · 01/02/2022 17:17

@BlondeDogLady anything less than 40% can go “off” in the traditional sense. If there’s any open creamy liquors these should be binned as they grow mould after a while!

Anything over 40% once opened will oxidise and the alcohol will evaporate. The ones which are nearly empty if they’ve been like that for years will not taste very nice anymore. If you point this out to him he will see the same answer on google.

iRun2eatCake · 01/02/2022 18:13

Why can't it go on the floor? It's his stuff in his room. If his room is cluttered with his stuff then that's his problem.

Swipe left for the next trending thread