Overwhelmed by the amount of alcohol that DH keeps buying

[BlondeDogLady]

Please someone talk me down.

My DH keeps buying spirits, because he thinks they could be collectors items in the future, or simply because he thinks the bottle looks cool or quirky.

We do not drink spirits There are maybe a few times in the summer, where he might make us a cocktail, which would require using spirits, but that's literally it.

If we are drinking, it's white wine we would always have.

I have a lovely old cabinet that was my Nan's. This is now so full of bottles, that one of the shelves has cracked with the weight. Then when the cabinet was full, the collection started being put on the floor, growing slowly outwards on the carpet, or it got put in the window seat (hollow underneath).

I have just tried to tidy them up a bit, and felt utterly overwhelmed by all of this drink that we will never consume - I counted 104 bottles !
They are a combination of unopened, or mostly he has opened the bottle to try, so it's almost full, but certainly couldn't be gifted to someone in that state.

I know this is a first world problem, but I feel so absolutely overwhelmed by this amount of stupid and pointless consumerism, not to mention the clutter it's creating.

He does not have hoards of cash by any means either. So spending this much of stuff we don't drink seems stupid!

He does the same with CD's - buys at least 2 every week, so we now have thousands. They look okay as we have a lot of shelving.

What would you suggest? It's making me feel sick.

@daisyjgrey

Is he the person keeping CDs in business? I don't think I've bought a CD in a decade. That's madness! I'd be furious!

I haven't bought a CD in over a decade either!!

My father is a book hoarder, our attic was filled with books, in some cases 3 /4 copies of the same books, 90% he has no intention of reading. 18 months ago we sorted through all the books and anything non history related got taken to the recycling . We recycled 400 books! He wasn't happy but admitted that we needed the space.
I got him to do it by telling him he either joined me in sorting them or I'd get rid of the lot of them.

He's clearly got quite a serious problem. If he was living in a house full of junk when you met him, the warning signs were there. He is unlikely to change without some therapy/help.

I would be looking to live separately going forward. Do you have DC?

@WutheringHeights66

OMG this could be my DH. He has about 100 bottles of single malt whiskey, he drinks probably a quarter of a bottle a year, and a couple of Guinness at the rugby. That's it. He also has dozens and dozens of coats.

His logic is that he likes coats and buying the whiskey now means he wont need to buy any when he retires ever again?????

He also buys sports memorabilia from charity functions/auctions at great expense so we have dozens of huge framed pictures of Gazza, England rugby shirts and signed cricket bats gathering dust in the garage

At least he does have Spotify so the CDs went to the charity shop some time ago.

Glad I'm not alone!

It's the consumerism that I detest. The ridiculousness of it all.

I don’t have any advice sorry but this would drive me MAD. CDs?! They are pretty much obsolete

I'm off to count my coats. 😬

He’s not well OP and needs help. I hope he can be persuaded to get some 😢

@astoundedgoat

That's super weird.

Although the CD thing would piss me off even more. Spending as much as £30 a week or more on obsolete technology? Does he even play them or is it just obsessive collecting?

Is there any pattern to the alcohol purchases? Like indie gin, or premium whisky? Get him into wine instead and have him store it in a wine storage unit so he can scratch his itch but keep it out of your hair.

Or rent him a small storage unit as a "surprise" because you don't want all his booze spoiling by the radiator (which it will) and help him move it all there.

I agree he should start investing in wine and champagne. My husband does it and we've made £400 on some champagne, and bonus - it's stored elsewhere!

Dps dad does this as well, he house is a shit hole, we discovered (and sorted) loads of debt and now he is filling his shelves with spirits and insisting on a crate of lager on the online shop every week. On our last visit he had about six unopened boxes.
He used to drive me mad when the kids where small because he would always bring stuff when he visited and instead of say one magazine it would be a shelf load, or a a box of ice creams it would be dozens and £30 on fruit. The fruit was all berries and would go off before we could possibly eat it all and I could never fit all the ice creams in the freezer and still it continued.
I would try to speak to him and he would nod and then do as he pleased anyway. Worked out where all the debt came from at least.
It’s definitely an illness but no idea how it could be resolved - he doesn’t think he has a problem.

Yes, it's hoarding OCD.
It can run in families. It is treatable though.

GP and get a referral for therapy and medication.

The coats are hanging in what used to be the kids wardrobes now. As they have both left home, we have extra hanging space.

wreath if we regularly had parties and the drink was being consumed, I'd be fine with it. It's the fact that it sits there gathering dust and taking up room, that does my head in.

Is he a bit thick?

Wine is a good investment, but you actually need money to buy expensive wine that will be worth it in the future. Some whisky as well.

What he is buying is never going to be worth anything.

How many bottles are open?

Would he be happy to compromise and tip away the open bottles?

This is a mental health problem, no doubt about it. However, he can’t be helped if he doesn’t see it as a problem.
So I would simply move all his stuff so you don’t have to look at it.
Did I imagine it or did you say “his house”? Does he have a separate property? Or is it just a room that’s his? Either way I’d move all this crap there.
And the coats would go to charity shops.

My gran did this with my grandad. He was a hoarder, so while he was at work she ordered a skip and got rid of it all. He was angry but it was worth it for her.

I don't want to separate, as apart from this, things are pretty good.

In the 13 years we've been together, he has never sold a bottle (for profit or otherwise), so the whole premise makes no sense to me.

When I do mention it, he says he will try some whisky/rum/gin at the weekend, but this never happens! He drinks white wine, and so the pile remains untouched.

@Crunchymum

How many bottles are open?

Would he be happy to compromise and tip away the open bottles?

Oh, most are open I'd say. Either half full, or you can see he's taken one measure out to try it. No, he would not throw those ones away, and I wouldn't want him to really. My son is coming soon, I might ask if we can gift him a few of the opened ones for him and his mates - I'll be lucky if he picks 2 to go.

Definitely put them in his room. Do it today.
Tell him from now on, any pointless crap he buys goes in there. If he has no space, tough shit.

I'd be tempted to throw the coats in there too.

With you storing stuff out of site, like under the window seat and in wardrobes, he can pretend he either doesn't have that many or that he needs more.

Tell him that if opens them they become worthless - or severely reduces their value (if they really have any).

My oh has a tendency to buy more stuff than we have space for. We have a small house and he just likes collecting things. It’s no way near this scale though. We have a significant booze collection like you BUT his hobby is cocktail making so although we have a similar number of bottles to you (maybe?) they are at least getting drunk slowly.

The rule I am trying to implement is that we only have space for x amount of whatever. If he fills that space he can’t buy more without chucking stuff out.

The problem is your DH is refusing to so I don’t know where you can go from there without threatening to leave which is a bit nuclear.

I would definitely go with boxing up the booze and shoving it in “his” room. Get your nice cupboard fixed and put something else in it. Tell him there’s no room for the rest of it.

Is it a deal breaker op? Or could it be if it continues exponentially? If so, I'd make that VERY clear.

Like a pp, I think the closed bottles need to be in his room. Even if they're boxed in a corner, they're out of your way.

Is his spending impacting on stuff yo u want to do together? That would be the other point to raise - kids gone, now is the time to r joy your freedom, not pick up random bottles of gin to stare at for 20 years.

Who buys the wine? Who pours the wine? I'd be tempted to pick up a random opened bottle off the floor every time he wants a drink and give him that instead. The opening and taking one drink would piss me off because that's the point it becomes waste.

That's weird. I have bought some spirits (e.g. holiday rum or very strong Navy Gin) which I don't fancy drinking and god alone knows why I bought the latter - gin tour.

He should move them into a different room but I'd be slightly worried by him buying them for investment and 'looking nice'.

Are you absolutely sure he isn't drinking the spirits Op ?
Only having lived with a functioning alcoholic Father & brother ,they drank the booze and filled up the bottle with some other liquid.

Also spirits will go off if opened eventually- doesn’t he realise that? Anything that’s older than two years after opening should be binned.

If the bottles are open then they are worthless I’d say. He will not be able to sell them. He has a big problem

@Bagamoyo1

This is a mental health problem, no doubt about it. However, he can’t be helped if he doesn’t see it as a problem. So I would simply move all his stuff so you don’t have to look at it. Did I imagine it or did you say “his house”? Does he have a separate property? Or is it just a room that’s his? Either way I’d move all this crap there. And the coats would go to charity shops. My gran did this with my grandad. He was a hoarder, so while he was at work she ordered a skip and got rid of it all. He was angry but it was worth it for her.

He has one room in this house that's "his". It's downstairs at the front of the house, quite tucked away. I don't go in there. It's where he has his Xbox and games, and stuff. It's only a small room, maybe 10x10 at most. I could move the booze there - it would look terrible though. It would have to sit on the floor. Might drive the point home though. The coats and CD's simply would not fit. The CD's do have a home as we have extensive shelving in the lounge, and the coats do have a wardrobe to hang in. But obviously, they are so crammed together, you can't budge a hanger even by a millimetre - which again, for some reason, I find annoying!! You have to be Geoff Capes to squeeze in a stray coat.