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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
OmgIThinkILikeYou · 31/01/2022 23:24

At 26 I don't really think it's any of your business what she does with her body. You don't have to like them but whether it's 'too far' is not for you to decide.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 31/01/2022 23:25

YABU but only because I love them. Try not to let it bother you, there’s nothing you can do so try not to let it stress you.

RedCandyApple · 31/01/2022 23:25

You cried over your daughters tattoo?

BeQuietBrenda · 31/01/2022 23:26

You need to get a grip.

Ohmycron · 31/01/2022 23:27

I hate them. I made children with perfect lovely skin. Luckily mine all hate them too. Would also be sad.

Ohmycron · 31/01/2022 23:27

(Surprised by the lack of empathy )

scarpa · 31/01/2022 23:28

You don't have to like them. Nobody is forcing you too.

But as she's 26, it's absolutely none of your business. What does it matter if you do or don't like them? What does crying over them achieve?

HangoverSquare · 31/01/2022 23:28

You don't have to like them, not at all, you just have to accept that it's her body and she may continue to keep getting more and more tattoos.

I do think the trend for extreme tattooing means there are going to be bigger tattoo regrets in years to come, certainly not as easy to hide a sleeve as it is to hide a dolphin on your bum, but that's her concern.

scarpa · 31/01/2022 23:29

*to, argh.

Tippexy · 31/01/2022 23:29

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

thefirstmrsrochester · 31/01/2022 23:30

It’s none of your business.

Avarua · 31/01/2022 23:30

I'd be disappointed at their poor decision making. Same as I would be if they did other short term things without thinking them through (getting too deep into credit card debt, having a baby with a loser).

parietal · 31/01/2022 23:30

you can dislike them in private but you can't change them and you can't change what she likes so you need to find a way to live with it.

Can you ignore as much as possible and find positive things in her life to focus on instead?

Luredbyapomegranate · 31/01/2022 23:31

A sleeve would tip many people over the edge..

But you know, she can have them lasered off, I guess, And the perception of them has changed. Try amd gently encourage her to take a break for a bit.

Tulips21 · 31/01/2022 23:31

@OmgIThinkILikeYou

At 26 I don't really think it's any of your business what she does with her body. You don't have to like them but whether it's 'too far' is not for you to decide.
Agree
goodwinter · 31/01/2022 23:31

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?
😂
sadpapercourtesan · 31/01/2022 23:31

I do have some sympathy, and certainly don't think you're pathetic. You're allowed to feel your feelings as much as anyone else, and you hate tattoos, so of course you don't like to see them on your beloved child.

That said - you really do have to come to terms with it. She's a fully-fledged adult and this is her choice to make - and she shouldn't have to deal with your disapproval or feel guilty that you're upset. I think you have to make your mind up that the relationship you have with her is far more important than how you feel about her appearance. You've been through the shock, you've cried; now you have to pick yourself up and concentrate on loving her and respecting her adult choices. There's more to her than what's on her skin.

DowntonCrabby · 31/01/2022 23:32

YANBU to feel how you feel and to be dealing with those feelings in private.

She’s still the same DD she was before the body art and she’s a grown up woman who I’m sure is mature enough to accept that some people dislike tattoos. Don’t show her your “devestation” but equally don’t feel you have to say you love them.

Nandakanda · 31/01/2022 23:32

I think they look absolutely awful - so unattractive, especially on women.

All this nonsense about self-expression. What do they express exactly?

gamerchick · 31/01/2022 23:32

Just keep it to yourself. You can't take it off and telling her you hate them won't make a difference to her getting any more.

Avocadoandlemons · 31/01/2022 23:33

I hate tattoos also and would be devastated too.

RussianSpy101 · 31/01/2022 23:33

YANBU. They look awful on both men and women, but even worse on women.

I would be devastated too OP.

WorriedGiraffe · 31/01/2022 23:34

@Avarua

I'd be disappointed at their poor decision making. Same as I would be if they did other short term things without thinking them through (getting too deep into credit card debt, having a baby with a loser).
Why is it poor decision making? She’s a grown woman who likes tattoos and is entitled to treat her body as she sees fit. Being judgemental isn’t better than having tattoos.

OP you arnt a ‘bitch mother from hell’ but your daughter isn’t doing anything wrong, she’s just showing you who she is, embrace her for it and be glad you’ve got an independent adult for a daughter.

nalabae · 31/01/2022 23:34

Op your too invested in this

Marmarind · 31/01/2022 23:34

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way ofexpressing/rejecting/coming to terms

You don't think it's possible for people to like/want tattoos and piercings without some kind of past trauma they are trying to deal with?