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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
BlissfullyIgnorant · 01/02/2022 00:00

I have financially contributed to my daughter's tattoos. I tried to pay for my son's first one but he has health problems and wasn't able to get any. There are far, far worse things that someone can go through than getting a bit of ink work done

sandgrown · 01/02/2022 00:00

I hate tattoos snd I freely tell my children. My son cut his leg when he was about eight . He is convinced he has a scar because I didn’t take him to get it stitched ( it wasn’t that bad) and he doesn’t let me forget Now he has a bloody big tattoo on his arm ??? I spent years trying to protect their bodies just for them to deface them !

BlackCatz · 01/02/2022 00:01

My son cut his leg when he was about eight . He is convinced he has a scar because I didn’t take him to get it stitched ( it wasn’t that bad) and he doesn’t let me forget Now he has a bloody big tattoo on his arm ???

What's the correlation?

Catra · 01/02/2022 00:01

YANBU and you are certainly not the bitch mother from hell.

Most tattoos, in my opinion, look awful. While a few are works of art, even these fade, smudge, and look dreadful as the years wear on. I can't get my head around the mentality of permanently marking yourself when tastes, sentiments, and bodies change as we grow.

My husband has 3 tattoos and I don't like them at all, not that I'd ever say this to him, as it's his body, his choice. Our daughter is too young to get tattoos, but it's crossed my mind before that if she did when she's older, I'd be gutted - she's perfect as she is.

I'm someone who likes to express myself - through my hair colour, clothes, the art I have in my home - but the thought of marking myself forever makes my skin crawl.

HelloPanda12 · 01/02/2022 00:01

Just let her live her one life in peace. She’s not getting them to cause you any grief she gets them because she likes them and it’s her body.

My mother and father didn’t have a choice with me, I got one as soon as I was 18 and wanted it since I was 13. Both agreed that I was an adult and it was non of their business. She’s 26, just let her be happy and be happy that she’s alive and breathing with those tattoos.

Wreath21 · 01/02/2022 00:02

Also: I have tattoos. I had my first one at 19 and am now in my mid 50s. I have never regretted any of them for a single day.
Big, elaborate tattoos are a considerable investment of time and money, so they are not a 'foolish impulse'. As with a lot of other things that can be done to and with bodies, do what you want with your body but learn to accept that other people will do as they see fit with theirs and it is none of your business.

MintJulia · 01/02/2022 00:02

OP, I can see why you are upset. To create something as beautiful as a perfect human being, to love it more than anything and then see it daubed in permanent marker must be soul destroying.

But your dd is an adult, she's free to do as she pleases. All you can do is put on a brave face. Show an interest if she explains her choice of design. Do your best xx

amusedbush · 01/02/2022 00:03

I have lots of tattoos, including a sleeve. They are absolutely beautiful, colourful and - genuinely - works of art. I have an incredibly talented friend who does the majority of mine and people stop me in the street to compliment them.

Very few people on these threads can express their personal dislike for tattoos without resorting to being rude as fuck and it's so draining. Frankly, I think judgement of something that's nothing to do with you is ugly, common and trashy.

JeffThePilot · 01/02/2022 00:42

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?
You can’t be serious 😂😂😂
DearlyBeloathed · 01/02/2022 00:44

Very few people on these threads can express their personal dislike for tattoos without resorting to being rude as fuck and it's so draining. Frankly, I think judgement of something that's nothing to do with you is ugly, common and trashy

Fucking depressing isn't it. Luckily, I only ever see this sort of BS on here, and not in real life.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 01/02/2022 00:45

You're entitled to your feelings, but you wouldn't be entitled to express that to her as at the end of the day she's an adult and what she does with her body tattoo or piercing wise or whatever has nothing to do with you.
So I've voted YABU.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 01/02/2022 00:47

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?
Lmao, I don't even have tattoos and don't want any either, but even I'm saying what a load of shit Grin Grin

Volhhg · 01/02/2022 00:50

I don't blame you. I would be so upset if my children do this when older, I hope this trend for numerous body covering tattoos dies out by then. All my friends who got tattoos under 30 have regretted it and some have paid thousands for removal which still leaves a mark.

maxbabi · 01/02/2022 00:51

Completely with uou OP. Absolutely hate my daughters tattoos.
Maybe those getting all twisted haven't seen their daughters bodies tattooed.
I hate that my daughter has disfigured herself so I'm with you.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 01/02/2022 00:52

@ohmycron
hate them. I made children with perfect lovely skin
Ugh, hate this.
I've made children with '' perfect lovely skin'' too but still Hmm Biscuit
You realise at 26 that they're not just an extension of you, right, that they're people in their own right?!
That can do what they like with their own bodies.

Chloemol · 01/02/2022 00:55

YANBU

I hate tattoos as well, so I fully understand how you feel

Be interesting to see if she ever comes to regret them, lots do

lavender2022 · 01/02/2022 00:57

@FiftyshadesofSueGray

"She can have them lasered off". No she can't. "The perception of them has changed". No it hasn't.
Why can't they be removed?
whumpthereitis · 01/02/2022 00:58

At least you’re keeping the tears private. My mother went for full screaming nervous breakdown when I got mine. Tattoos (horror!)! On a lady (get ye to the docks!)! Was all a bit awkward and unnecessarily dramatic tbh.

She’s a grown woman and she’s got something she’s happy with. Your like or dislike of them isn’t really going to have any bearing on her.

Tattoos don’t need to ‘mean’ anything either, btw. Appreciation of them can be as simple as just liking the aesthetic

MimiDaisy11 · 01/02/2022 01:00

I never get the comments about being too invested or none of your business. As if you’re not suppose to care about your children or have opinions on what they’re doing. OP said she’s cried privately and wouldn’t ever say anything to her so I don’t get the need to tell her to not bother her daughter about it since it’s clear she’s not going to do that.

I get it OP.. I don’t like them and would feel sad too if my child decided to get covered in them. It does seem for some there’s a thrill from getting them and they get more and more. At least it’s not bad for her health and not as drastic as getting plastic surgery.

Coyoacan · 01/02/2022 01:01

I dislike tattoos, OP, so you have my sympathy. Here in Mexico City, it seems like nearly everyone between 25 and 40 has sleeve tattoos and more. Fortunately my dd's needle phobia has prevented her from indulging in this fad, but it's been twenty odd years since I last saw her lovely chestnut hair

TheOriginalEmu · 01/02/2022 01:02

You are entitled to your feelings, but her body is hers to do with as she chooses.

merrymelodies · 01/02/2022 01:02

I sympathize, OP - I think they're ugly and I'd be devastated if my DC did such a thing.

TheOriginalEmu · 01/02/2022 01:03

@Ohmycron

I hate them. I made children with perfect lovely skin. Luckily mine all hate them too. Would also be sad.
And had you made children with imperfect non lovely skin? It’s not your skin.
TheOriginalEmu · 01/02/2022 01:05

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?
Or….maybe she just likes the look? I love tattoos mine are expressions of art, of feelings, of things I want to remember. There is nothing to talk about.
Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 01/02/2022 01:05

I personally don't like tattoos. On occasion they can look amusing on randoms but really, to me they mostly look ugly. I might get one when I am about 70 if I make it that far just for S&Gs but most people I know who got them when they were young, do regret it. Same with multiple peircings really.

But you know everyone has to take their own choice in life. It is what it is. If they look a bit crappy for a few years, well, the tattoo style they chose may come back in fashion or they may love it forever for nostalgia.... here is hoping!!!

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