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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 01/02/2022 01:06

@Avarua

I'd be disappointed at their poor decision making. Same as I would be if they did other short term things without thinking them through (getting too deep into credit card debt, having a baby with a loser).
Ah yes. Nothing like judgement and disappointment in you for being a human being to make you feel like a shit person.
TheOriginalEmu · 01/02/2022 01:08

@FiftyshadesofSueGray

"She can have them lasered off". No she can't. "The perception of them has changed". No it hasn't.
Yes she can. And yes it has. Among young people no one bats an eye at tattoos.
foxgoosefinch · 01/02/2022 01:09

Yanbu to feel sad OP, yes your daughter may be an adult but tattoos are ugly as sin and I would also be devastated if my DD decided to mark her perfect lovely skin with them. She’s perfect as she is.

They’re always unbelievably ugly, and mar beautiful human bodies which are lovely and perfect whatever shape or size. And no they aren’t art - they’re body decoration, and yes some people like the look, but art it ain’t. I’ve seen a hell of a lot of the things, and however detailed or realistic, I’ve never seen a single one to put next to a real work of art. The vast majority of the designs are derivative, overpriced and trite, and they really still do look cheap and tacky even though lots of people like to pretend they don’t.

They also cause permanent low level inflammation in the body, medically - that’s one of the reasons they work, but why give your body something to permanently inflame the skin? They also fade and bleed and then look even more awful. An older relative of mine got his dead grandmother’s face tattooed on his arm as part of a sleeve some years ago, and then he lost lots of weight and the face collapsed inwards (!) and now looks bloody awful in an eye-poppingly comically horrible way. He now can’t ever take his jumper off without all the family politely looking away with pained expressions of horror… (true story!)

Just - why….

CaptainCabinets · 01/02/2022 01:10

I love playing snob bingo on these threads Smile

So far we’ve had devastation, defacement, links to mental ill health (what a load of shit), looking bad on ageing skin, ‘chav’ and common. Excellent work Grin

OP, get a grip. You don’t own your adult daughter and nobody has fucking died.

expat101 · 01/02/2022 01:14

I used to be keen for one, but not anymore, too many about and in a lot of cases, certainly does not suit the wearer.

Is someone egging her on to get them?

TheOriginalEmu · 01/02/2022 01:14

@GreenLunchBox

She'll regret it when she's older. The amount of clients that tell me they do when they have to whip out their arms for me is unreal

I get bored of pics on my WALLS after a while. I can't imagine staring at a permanent print on my arm every day that one day will be smudged and faded

I’m yet to regret mine. Some I’ve had for 25 years. Sure they fade, but they can be touched up if you wish, personally I like the aging of them as it seems fitting. Some are not great as they were cheap flash I had done as a teen, but they all represent something and that means a lot to me. Many tattooed people love the story as much as the tattoo it’s self
EeeICouldRipATissue · 01/02/2022 01:15

Is someone egging her on to get them?
Yes, can't possibly have a mind of her own! Hmm
FFS

Lalliella · 01/02/2022 01:19

YANBU OP. I hate tattoos and would be devastated too.

THEDEACON · 01/02/2022 01:19

You don't like them your 26yearold ADULT daughter does get over it !

GirlOfTudor · 01/02/2022 01:20

I have no tattoos and no plans to get any. However, I have no issue with anyone else getting them.

It's your daughter's body, so therefore her choice. She's 26 years old. I feel it's a bit extreme to cry over it.

She was probably really excited and proud of her new artwork and now her own mum is devastated by it Confused

tkwal · 01/02/2022 01:21

You are not being unreasonable in not liking your daughters tattoos. You don't have to like them. You are still allowed your own preferences but so is she. You love her, so accept her for who she is and the choices she has made,and be proud You have raised a daughter who is independent and prepared to live with the choices she makes

Catflapkitkat · 01/02/2022 01:23

I would feel the same OP.

Holothane · 01/02/2022 01:25

I was 45 My first 007 logo in 2012 to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the films also a up yours to my family. Today I the Tardis and Darth Vader on one arm, a caterpillar looking at the butterfly it will become (that’s me) a rose on the other arm and flowers love all of them never regretted it either.

momls20 · 01/02/2022 01:27

YANBU - I'm almost the same age as you DD and I now hate & regret all my tattoos.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 01/02/2022 01:30

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

How condescending!! So much snobbery on this thread too, I have several tattoos, 2 children, a nice house, a lovley husband. My skin was never lovley, but very functional and I don't regret any of my tattoos, even the one I got from a dodgy as fuck place when I was 17. Its small, hidden by my pants and reminds me of being 17 and young. My other tattoos are reminders of other things in my life and I thought about them for a very long time before getting them.

Yes they'll be loose and wrinkly when I'm old, but I'll be loose and wrinkly wether they are there or not!!

BabyOnBoard90 · 01/02/2022 01:31

She'll probably regret them eventually but it's her life

TwentinQuarantino · 01/02/2022 01:32

Not a fan of tattoos either. I feel the human body is perfect the way it is although I find videos fascinating of people who are almost entirely inked, including their eyes.

She's an adult with free will to do as she pleases. Of course you also have every right to feel the way you do.

RobertaFirmino · 01/02/2022 01:37

I'm not a fan so I don't have any. There are far worse things to be in life than tattooed, like overdramatic, snobbish and judgemental, for example.

EmergencyHydrangea · 01/02/2022 01:38

Ah, one of those threads that remind me periodically just how snobby and conservative mumsnet really is.

Bussinbussin · 01/02/2022 01:40

God, I've got mid-late teens and the amount of grief they give me.... if in 10 years' time they are happy, functioning adults with a few tatts I'll be very relieved, it could be so much worse.

NessieMcNessface · 01/02/2022 01:41

You have done absolutely nothing wrong OP so ignore the harsh comments which are completely unjustified. Your feelings are your feelings which you can’t help, so if you need to have a cry about the situation privately go ahead; most of us have been there at some point. It sounds like you’ve tried to keep the way you feel to yourself and have allowed your daughter to be free to act she wishes which is commendable.

MouseholeCat · 01/02/2022 01:52

I wouldn't ever get a tattoo as it's just not for me but I think they are a perfectly normal thing to have and in no way change who a person is inside. It's utterly ridiculous that people on here are clutching their pearls at the thought of it.

You need to let go of this, OP. Chances are your DD sees your judgment and it'll impact your relationship negatively.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 01/02/2022 01:55

@Nandakanda

I think they look absolutely awful - so unattractive, especially on women.

All this nonsense about self-expression. What do they express exactly?

At 26 maybe it is self expression. But they fade, they bleed, the skin stretches with pregnancy, weight gain, etc. and they are misshapen. I know several women who are having tattoos removed as a 40th birthday gift to themselves. Expensive, painful, and does leave some scarring. I agree with you.
blyn72 · 01/02/2022 01:59

There are many people who regret having tattoos and pay a fortune to have them removed.

I like to see people with nice clean, clear skin. I'll be glad when the current fashion for tattoos - which has been going for a long time - is over.

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 01/02/2022 02:04

I think this is one of those times when categorising your feelings as reasonable or unreasonable misses the point. You'll still have feelings, but depending on how convincing posters are, you'll feel guilty for having the feelings on top! You're not a robot. Don't feel obliged to be one.

She's your daughter, you love her, and so naturally, you will feel concerned and worried for her and her future if she gets a tattoo you find too extreme. She's your daughter, not a stranger in the train station.

Allow yourself to have your feelings in private, and hope for her sake that she'll always love the sleeve design. Try to find solace in her current happiness with it, even if you think it's an appalling design. If she does one day decides she hates it, don't say 'I told you so!'

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