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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

999 replies

Choclover27 · 31/01/2022 23:19

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

OP posts:
unicornpower · 01/02/2022 02:06

You’re not unreasonable for hating them but try not to take it personally- there’s nothing you can do about them so try not to let them bug you! Personally, I love them and plan on getting more. Kudos for being upset in private, my dad made a big scene of two of mine and wouldn’t speak to me- it didn’t make me not get more, it just made me not tell him about any more. I wasn’t seeking his approval as I’m an adult but he still needed to make his feelings known which was unnecessary and caused bad feeling so don’t be that parent!

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/02/2022 02:14

Devastated seems rather OTT.

Her body, her choice. Why do you care so much about something that doesnt affect you one iota?

user1471447924 · 01/02/2022 02:16

@Nandakanda

I think they look absolutely awful - so unattractive, especially on women.

All this nonsense about self-expression. What do they express exactly?

I agree, they look dirty and cheap. It’s “not the done thing” to say this though. 🙄
EeeICouldRipATissue · 01/02/2022 02:21

Kudos for being upset in private, my dad made a big scene of two of mine and wouldn’t speak to me- it didn’t make me not get more, it just made me not tell him about any more
That's just it, isn't it, as a parent you're entitled to your feelings but when it comes to stuff like this it's not about you, if my teens came home with a tattoo I might not like it but it's their decision.
Rather them feel they can tell me than feel they had to hide it.

JumperJump · 01/02/2022 02:21

Is he upset too but once it’s done it’s done, no point showing how much you hate it. Small ones I don’t mind, but the big ones are tacky, and designs date a lot too. I’ve never really understood the appeal, it’s like thinking you’re cool and being individual while you are really just part of a bunch of likeminded sheep. So many designs are very similar. And it’s like wearing the same article of clothing every day for the rest of your life, pretty boring really.

BlackCatz · 01/02/2022 02:25

@EmergencyHydrangea

Ah, one of those threads that remind me periodically just how snobby and conservative mumsnet really is.
Yep.
1forAll74 · 01/02/2022 02:26

I dont like tattoos either, i am not sure why it's supposed to be expressing yourself if you have them., but of course you can do what you like with your own body and skin.. I often think that when a person with huge tattoos all over, may look rather silly with them, when they get to middle age or much older.. especially women.

DearlyBeloathed · 01/02/2022 02:29

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EeeICouldRipATissue · 01/02/2022 02:30

may look rather silly with them, when they get to middle age or much older.. especially women
What's wrong with middle aged ladies having tattoos?!
Is it not sufficiently '' ladylike''" enough?! Confused

twominutesmore · 01/02/2022 02:35

I don't think you are a bad mother because you are hiding your disappointment from your daughter and have been upset only in private. You are allowed to vent on here privately so I don't really understand the anger from some pp.

FWIW I hate them too. To me, it is someone intentionally disfiguring or blemishing their skin. I think they look awful and many quite quickly look dated. I just can't understand why anyone would want something permanently etched on their skin. I get bored of items of clothing or jewellery, or a hair style, but can change them. I can't imagine looking at the same thing and still liking it for the rest of my life.

So I think I'd feel like you - that she's made a poor decision that she'll regret. But there are enough people on this thread alone who like them, so I guess your daughter feels like them - that they are works of art and self expression she'll never tire of. So I guess all you can do is be happy that she's happy and hope she's right.

Seemslikeagoodidea · 01/02/2022 02:35

@DowntonCrabby

YANBU to feel how you feel and to be dealing with those feelings in private.

She’s still the same DD she was before the body art and she’s a grown up woman who I’m sure is mature enough to accept that some people dislike tattoos. Don’t show her your “devestation” but equally don’t feel you have to say you love them.

I agree. I don't mind small, pretty tattoos, which can look OK (at best), but I really dislike sleeve tattoos. I can understand your disappointment that she has effectively disfigured her whole arm, but it's her choice and there's no point in falling out over it.

Years down the line she may well hate the sight of it, in the same way that anyone could get sick of wearing the same clothes for years on end. It's such a permanent way of self expression, which is so difficult to reverse. There are far better ways to express oneself.

ChiefPearlClutcher · 01/02/2022 02:37

You’re not supposed to care adult daughter own decisions blah blah blah but I’d be secretly unhappy too. Would never say anything though.

greengrassapreciationsociety · 01/02/2022 02:37

I find them extremely ugly but notice many colleagues in their 20s have them so they clearly do not find them ugly- what can you do she is following a fashion you don't like. I will also feel sad if my kids get them because I just have a lot of biases about them being ugly and common-looking- she does not have that viewpoint I guess.

SantaClawsServiette · 01/02/2022 02:53

There isn't much you can do, but I don't think it's odd to feel upset when your child, who you love in such a very embodied way, does things to irreversibly change that healthy body, and almost, it seems, to cover it up.

It's almost like someone drew in indelible pen all over the Mona Lisa. And you are Leonardo.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 01/02/2022 03:07

YANBU
Tattoos are addictive.
Most of them look awful.

She'll be busy lasering them all off, in a few years.

NerrSnerr · 01/02/2022 03:12

@Nandakanda

I think they look absolutely awful - so unattractive, especially on women.

All this nonsense about self-expression. What do they express exactly?

Why does it matter if the OP's daughter isn't attractive to you? It doesn't matter what you think looks good on other people unless you want everyone to conform to whatever your idea of beauty is?
PrincessNutella · 01/02/2022 03:48

I don't blame you. They look idiotic.

Odoreida · 01/02/2022 03:50

Those of you mentioning your daughters' 'perfect skin' sound really shallow and disturbing. Of course they will change as they get older in all sorts of ways. Maybe it's her parenting that has made her want to challenge a conventional ideal of beauty? I don't have tattoos myself and it's not to my taste but I think I stopped obsessing over my kid's skin when he turned 1.

FireMeetGasoline · 01/02/2022 03:56

It's almost like someone drew in indelible pen all over the Mona Lisa. And you are Leonardo.

It's almost nothing like that at all. The OP gave birth to a human, she didn't create or procure a masterpiece. She may be disappointed with her daughter's choices, however, her daughter, thankfully, is able to have free will and choose what she wants to have done with her body. She is not property and I'm pretty sure she is more charismatic and has more appeal than the Mona bloody Lisa.

grapewine · 01/02/2022 04:01

She's 26. You have no say in this whatsoever. Crying over it seems over the top to me.

MiladyBerserko · 01/02/2022 04:05

Tattoos are horrible but she's a grown woman and can draw on herself if she wants.

I don't think YABU for feeling sad about it. But there's nothing to be done so you would be better trying to get past it.

thefamous5 · 01/02/2022 04:09

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?
Bollocks.

I had a fabulous childhood and early adulthood. I am covered in tats because I bloody love them

anotherbloodyyearofcovid · 01/02/2022 04:10

YANBU. I hope she's got plenty of money as tattoos cost a bladdy fortune, and they look shit ugly. I really Hate them and wonder what goes on in people's heads that makes them think they are attractive 😳. It's a form of self harm. Don't even get me started on face piercings 😭

Huntswomanonthemove · 01/02/2022 04:14

I don’t like them either @Choclover27 but you really do need to get over yourself. It’s just fashion. I thought when I read your thread your daughter must be dying.

SquirrelG · 01/02/2022 04:24

Ah, one of those threads that remind me periodically just how snobby and conservative mumsnet really is.

I agree - and I don't particularly like tattoos myself, but some of the reactions on here are OTT. As I said I don't like them, on me, but I couldn't care less about them on anyone else. There are a lot worse things people's kids could be doing!