I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

[Choclover27]

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

@RussianSpy101

YANBU. They look awful on both men and women, but even worse on women.

I would be devastated too OP.

Why worse on women?

I am ambivalent about tattoos but mmmm my parents loathe them.

One of my brothers has 2 full sleeves and my parents really struggled with it. He is of course an adult but I think to them he will always be their boy and he was perfect in their eyes.

I understand your upset. Truly.

@goodwinter just my personal opinion.

Ahhh no, you definitely ANBU! Of course it's her body & she can get as many tattoos as she likes but you don't have to like them.
The main thing is that your dd is happy & healthy, nothing else really matters.
But I'd be secretly unhappy about massive tattoos as well. Not that you would say anything but privately we can feel any way we damn well like.
Get a grip? I don't think so & the pp suggesting you do that probably have toddlers right now& think they'll be so cool about everything...

"She can have them lasered off". No she can't. "The perception of them has changed". No it hasn't.

YANBU I completely understand how you feel.

Yes it's not your business but that's not going to stop you feeling sad about what's she's doing to her body.

Its fine to admit on her that you are devastated by her tattoos, as long as you aren't telling her how upset you are, this is a safe place where you can vent. I think some pp forget this. We all know her body, her choice, and that you have to respect her decisions in real life.

*admit on here.

@Ohmycron

(Surprised by the lack of empathy )

Why does the OP need 'empathy'?

Her daughter has tattoos; she needs to get a grip.

End of.

Maybe I am biased (but then so are people who don't like them)... I personally love tattoos, I have only 3 on my leg, but I'd loooove leg sleeves, but they cost so much money. I'm always jealous of people with loads of tatts. There are different styles, I love the neo-traditional art-style personally.

Some people will find them unattractive, some people will find them very attractive!

Knowing my parent didn't like tattoos or piercings made me want to get them more because I thought my parent was so "uncool" for her opinions on them.

But you know, she can have them lasered off, I guess
Would actually cost thousands for poor results on a dark sleeve & leave possible scarring.
Tattoos should always be thougt of as permanent.

I know what you mean. I'll be amazed if ds never has any at all, he's 18 and let's face it it's boringly normal in his generation. And I agree that an occasional design is a different thing from an entire body part. For all I know ds already has at least one, except that I know he dislikes spending money.

I think if I were you I'd seek out ways to see the tattoos more often- go swimming together, try on some clothes together?? The more you see them the less strongly you should feel.about them. And that's literally all you can do, try to reduce the pain of what you are feeling.

I wouldn't be happy either.

@FiftyshadesofSueGray

"She can have them lasered off". No she can't. "The perception of them has changed". No it hasn't.

Why do you think the perception of them hasn't changed?

I wouldn't be impressed either.

She is young and is allowed to make her own choices / mistakes.

I wouldn't be able to get out of my head how awful they will look when she's in her seventies. They can look quite cool when you are young but not on an OAP.

Sorry.

I find it so very weird to actually cry or be 'devastated' about a tattoo. I also find it weird that parents think it's OK to comment on their children's weight, choice of haircut/colour, whether they have a beard or not etc too.

They're fully grown adults, you might want to try being one too!

Yanbu. I understand how you feel. You don't have to like what she has done in order to love and support her in making her own decisions.

What I wouldn’t give for a healthy body and healthy, pain-free, undamaged skin. To see people dispose of that privilege so easily is hard. It would be especially difficult to see my own child make that decision.

That said, my own personal reaction is my own problem, no one else’s. I especially would not want to burden my child with my baggage.

I hope that reaching out here is a way of processing your feelings away from your daughter. I also hope that people can understand that and be supportive.

Both my daughters have tattoos, one has understated numbers, only really seen under UV light, the other has designed her own and has a half sleeve and a leg full. I don't mind them meself, not sure what their mother thinks, I've never asked her. She's an adult, she's living her life. Would you prefer she hadn't told you about them?

@Avarua

I'd be disappointed at their poor decision making. Same as I would be if they did other short term things without thinking them through (getting too deep into credit card debt, having a baby with a loser).

1) tattoos are not short-term things 2) who said they weren't thought through? Why do you assume they are on impulse? 3) as if you just compared deep credit card debt and having a baby with a 'loser' to a fucking tattoo lol

I don’t like tattoos either. My friend has several and they are beautifully done but I don’t like them on a body. I’ve had chats with my friend about this, she’s not offended. I’d be quite comfortable saying the same to a DD because ultimately it’s her body and if she’s comfortable with what she’s doing then nothing I do or say should change that. I wouldn’t be using any emotive language though, tell those who will keep it to themselves how emotional you feel and keep words like “devastation” well away from conversations with your DD.

@Avarua

I'd be disappointed at their poor decision making. Same as I would be if they did other short term things without thinking them through (getting too deep into credit card debt, having a baby with a loser).

I honestly canna believe you've just compared a tattoo with credit card debt and having a baby with a waste of space....

Fuck me

I agree with you, OP. I'd be devastated if my children ruined their gorgeous perfect skins with tattoos, never mind a 'sleeve'.

I would be very upset too!

You don't have to like tattoos, and that is your choice. Obviously, your daughter does, and that is her choice.

She's 26 years old and has the right to make choices and express her wishes the way she wants. That is absolutely priceless.

You may not like it, and can be upset, but it doesn't detract from who your daughter is. She's still your girl.