Should I tell bf I’m pregnant?

[TellOrNot1981]

Literally just found out.

For context, been with bf 18 months. Love him to bits, but it’s a LDR with no prospect of that changing anytime soon. I have 2 dc age 17 and 11, he has none and is 6 years younger than me. I’m nearly 41.

This is very unexpected and not brilliant timing for me. A new baby at my age seems a bit absurd, with my kids the age they are, plus I have commitments that would be very hard to do with a baby. My house isn’t big enough either, and I’m in a HA house which I wouldn’t want to give up, the chances of getting anything bigger are zero.

My bf is a catholic and comes from a huge family, he’s also the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever met. My gut feeling is that I can’t, for so many reasons, have a baby, so I don’t know what would be gained by telling him. But on the other hand this is a huge secret to keep, if I went ahead and had a termination and never mentioned it.

He’s such a good guy that no doubt he’d be supportive no matter what, but I’m thinking if I don’t keep it then why put him through the anguish of that, especially as he’s never had kids. I know his feelings are pretty ambivalent about having kids or not (more on the side of not) but obviously a hypothetical situation is different to a real one.

Neither pain or bleeding is terrible at the moment thankfully, don’t think it’s really got going yet though. I have some prescription codeine for my back which I take most evenings anyway so I’ll just pop them a bit more regularly if I have to.

I felt like going to to the horses today about as much as ripping myself a new arsehole, I haven’t even got dressed. It’s rainy and horrible out there and I just don’t want to go. So my lovely bf has just gone to do them for me single handedly, there’s a good couple of hours yard work. He’s never done them on his own before but I think he’s had adequate training now . I’m sure they’ll still be alive in the morning. I’m staying under my duvet eating chocolate.

If you want to terminate, then do it.

Tell him afterwards.

@2bazookas it does sometimes help to read the full thread.

@2bazookas

If you want to terminate, then do it.

Tell him afterwards.

Please, please read the thread.

I think hunkering down under the duvet seems a very sensible solution.
I hope that it all ends quickly, although you've had such a distressing time, you'll understandably be very, very shaken by the whole process.
I hope that you get some answers, and that you speaking up helps other women.
I'm sending you love and strength.

Ive been following your thread since the start and my goodness you've really been through the mill. It's lovely to read just how much your bf has really stepped up and how much he's supporting you.

I'll be thinking of you, i only wish good things for you and yours 💐

Thanks @Maireas yes a couple of duvet days then I really have to try and get my arse in gear and earn some money, I’m self employed and I’ve done next to nothing the last few weeks with the rollercoaster I’ve been on, and my bank balance is a bit sad right now. That’s another reason I really wanted the surgery, so it was all over quickly, couple of days recovery then back to normal. Now the natural option is probably going to be a bit more prolonged if the last one I had was anything to go by, I can’t afford to take any more time off though. Trying not to stress about that right now, don’t think I actually have the capacity for any more stress after yesterday .

Thank you @Nelliephant1, that’s really sweet, and yes he really is one in a million. He always helps me out as much as he can when he’s around to fry and make my life easier, not just when I’m going through crap stuff. He even drove on a 3 hour round trip to pick up a very specific bedside table that dd wanted that I found on marketplace, while I was in hospital yesterday (and paid for it and refused to let me pay him back). I bloody love him 😍

No, I would imagine your stress levels don't need that! In a way, it'll be good to be back at work - it's always a distraction and a way of "normalising" things, if you see what I mean. Getting back into a routine.
I'm glad you're boyfriend has been a good support throughout.
Now. More chocolate and rest!

Oh Jesus so the saga continues. The bleeding which started again yesterday stopped after about an hour and this morning absolutely nothing. So I have to go back to the hospital tomorrow and try again for surgery. They’ve promised that I’m at the top of the list (and I am actually on the list this time). I also have to traipse over there today for another covid swab. I can’t believe I have to go through all that again . I also woke up this morning drenched in sweat and with muscle aches all over so I phoned EPAC as they said that could be a sign of infection, they didn’t seem too concerned and said the only thing I could do if I was worried was go to A&E, so I think I’ll give that a miss unless I take a turn for the worse.

@AlmostAJillSandwich

It's 50% his baby, termination or not, he deserves to know he/she exists/existed.

Why? It's not his choice. What good will him knowing actually do, apart from possible cause mental anguish, thinking about what might have been. She doesn't have to tell him.

Sorry, OP. Ignore my post. I hadn't read the thread. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through.

Seriously, OP, it sounds like you have an infection. You should really get to A&E.
I can't believe the saga you've had.
It just gets worse.

I had lots of things that I really had to get done today as Monday/Tuesday were obviously write offs and now so will Thursday and Friday. So I thought I’d crack on and see if I took a turn for the worse, and I don’t feel too bad now, felt really dizzy, sweaty and queer all morning now. Bleeding has picked up again so I phoned the hospital and said should I still come in tomorrow and they said yes I should still have the surgery if I’m bleeding, so that’s the plan at the moment.

Though not now! Really should proofread

Surgery done ✅ 🎉 it’s all over at long last. Hoping I can go home soon. Thanks to everyone who has helped me through the last month.

@TellOrNot1981

Surgery done ✅ 🎉 it’s all over at long last. Hoping I can go home soon. Thanks to everyone who has helped me through the last month.

What an ordeal. I'm glad it's over!
Time to go under the duvet again with chocolate
Wishing you a speedy recovery 💐

Glad the surgery is all done and you can just move on from all of this. It hasn't been an easy few weeks for you! It's a sigh of relief I'd image that is is all over!

@TellOrNot1981

Surgery done ✅ 🎉 it’s all over at long last. Hoping I can go home soon. Thanks to everyone who has helped me through the last month.

Oh well done you, thank goodness for that!

Please don't underestimate what you've been through both mentally and physically, take all the time you can to recuperate, and enjoy your break away. Hugs 💞

Thanks all, back home and feeling ok. Was in quite a bit of pain last night but seems to have eased off now. My bf is being great, bless him, so I’m being looked after. So relieved it’s all over, February felt about 10 years long. I got the VIP treatment in hospital yesterday, so I think my email worked! There was one nurse in particular who was so lovely, she was there on Monday too and did her best to help me then, and she was just brilliant yesterday. I would like to send her something to say thank you, but not sure what’s allowed with hospitals and covid and all that.