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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I tell bf I’m pregnant?

345 replies

TellOrNot1981 · 31/01/2022 20:36

Literally just found out.

For context, been with bf 18 months. Love him to bits, but it’s a LDR with no prospect of that changing anytime soon. I have 2 dc age 17 and 11, he has none and is 6 years younger than me. I’m nearly 41.

This is very unexpected and not brilliant timing for me. A new baby at my age seems a bit absurd, with my kids the age they are, plus I have commitments that would be very hard to do with a baby. My house isn’t big enough either, and I’m in a HA house which I wouldn’t want to give up, the chances of getting anything bigger are zero.

My bf is a catholic and comes from a huge family, he’s also the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever met. My gut feeling is that I can’t, for so many reasons, have a baby, so I don’t know what would be gained by telling him. But on the other hand this is a huge secret to keep, if I went ahead and had a termination and never mentioned it.

He’s such a good guy that no doubt he’d be supportive no matter what, but I’m thinking if I don’t keep it then why put him through the anguish of that, especially as he’s never had kids. I know his feelings are pretty ambivalent about having kids or not (more on the side of not) but obviously a hypothetical situation is different to a real one.

OP posts:
TellOrNot1981 · 27/02/2022 00:25

Thanks for the messages Smile they really do mean a lot. Yes very close to the finish line now, got bloods and covid swab at the hospital tomorrow before surgery on Monday. Been a little bit crampy tonight, I think maybe I overdid it today, had stuff planned that involved lots of walking that would have been hard to get out of without disappointing dd2 and also losing lots of money. So I’m relieved to have that out of the way, my worst fear was that it would all kick off last night with bleeding and I wouldn’t be able to do what I needed to do today (especially as dd obviously doesn’t know what’s going on and I’d like it to stay that way). Got everything organised for kids/horses to make things as easy as possible over Monday and Tuesday until I can drive again. My bf has been lovely, he’s been working flat out the last couple of days decorating dd1’s room while she’s away at her dads. I’ve been promising her I’d do it for weeks but been too preoccupied and exhausted to get my head around doing it.

OP posts:
TellOrNot1981 · 28/02/2022 16:34

Been in hospital since 11.30am and still no surgery. I haven’t eaten or had anything to drink since yesterday and it turns out that they didn’t actually put me on the surgery list so they’re saying it might not happen, and if it does it might not be until late tonight Sad. I’ve been crying all afternoon, I just wanted to get all this over with. I don’t cope well with being hangry either.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 28/02/2022 17:24

Oh you poor thing. Surely they have to let you eat at some point and decide it's postponed until tomorrow.
Fingers crossed they manage either to fit you in soon or decide not so that at least you can eat. You really need to get this over and done with now. It will all be over in 24 hours or less, this is the last bit. You really have been through it. Flowers

TellOrNot1981 · 28/02/2022 17:30

They’ve just come and told me they can’t do the surgery today. I’m here in my gown and now after 6 hours of waiting I have to get changed and go home. I’m devastated.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 28/02/2022 17:49

Oh OP. Are they doing it tomorrow? That's really shit.

TellOrNot1981 · 28/02/2022 17:55

They said they can do it on Thursday, but they said they can’t promise the same thing won’t happen again. I really don’t think I can go through this again.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 28/02/2022 18:12

I'm not surprised you can't face going through it again. That's really terrible. How many times do they think they can do that to you? Is there any way PALS could advocate on your behalf? I don't really know the system sorry. This seems so unfair and cruel.

TellOrNot1981 · 28/02/2022 22:36

I will definitely put a complaint in to PALS tomorrow. I told them before I left that it’s a shitty way to treat people. If they’d come clean yesterday when I went in for bloods that they’d messed up and I’d only be on the emergency list rather than the elective one I could have made the decision not to go or at least been mentally prepared that the surgery was only a maybe. You have no idea of the logistical planning that went in to being able to be at the hospital this morning, getting up at the crack of dawn to sort horses out and calling in favours to make sure they were looked after tonight, and kids, lifts etc etc. not to mention of course no food or water since yesterday evening until I finally got kicked out of the hospital at 6pm today.

To add to my spectacular day, I started bleeding about an hour after I got home so now it looks like I will just have to miscarry naturally, which is what I was trying to avoid. The last miscarriage I had was earlier than this and went on for about 2 weeks and left me really wiped out, and I now have a chronic health condition that I didn’t have back then, so I’m anticipating this to be worse.

OP posts:
BlondeWidow · 28/02/2022 23:27

@TellOrNot1981

I will definitely put a complaint in to PALS tomorrow. I told them before I left that it’s a shitty way to treat people. If they’d come clean yesterday when I went in for bloods that they’d messed up and I’d only be on the emergency list rather than the elective one I could have made the decision not to go or at least been mentally prepared that the surgery was only a maybe. You have no idea of the logistical planning that went in to being able to be at the hospital this morning, getting up at the crack of dawn to sort horses out and calling in favours to make sure they were looked after tonight, and kids, lifts etc etc. not to mention of course no food or water since yesterday evening until I finally got kicked out of the hospital at 6pm today.

To add to my spectacular day, I started bleeding about an hour after I got home so now it looks like I will just have to miscarry naturally, which is what I was trying to avoid. The last miscarriage I had was earlier than this and went on for about 2 weeks and left me really wiped out, and I now have a chronic health condition that I didn’t have back then, so I’m anticipating this to be worse.

I'm so sorry OP 💔
uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/03/2022 02:24

I'm so sorryThanks

irishfarmer · 01/03/2022 10:07

Oh my God that is awful they just left you sitting there all day. What an absolute f*ck up!!! Maybe the bleeding is a good thing? You're body has decided enough is enough and is sorting the situation itself.

My heart goes out for you. I can only imagine you want it all done and dusted now.

DixonD · 01/03/2022 10:10

@Odoreida

I would have the termination and then tell him.
And this kiss goodbye to your relationship?
DixonD · 01/03/2022 10:10

Then!!!!

heldinadream · 01/03/2022 10:34

@DixonD please do OP the courtesy of reading all of her posts before posting, with such a sensitive subject and situation. Her dilemma is no longer what it was but is now very distressing in a new way.

MaverickSnoopy · 01/03/2022 10:46

OP, I feel broken for you. It sounds like you are going through a terribly traumatic and exhausting time. Bit weird but I feel an immense urge to cook you food and somehow help. Do you have local support? This is too much for anyone to deal with alone. I know you have your boyfriend but I mean hands on practical support. Tbh I think I'd ask him to take a week of leave from work and explain that it's a family emergency.

FantasticFebruary · 01/03/2022 11:28

@TellOrNot1981

How are you doing today? How long can your Bf stay for?

I know the NHS is really struggling, but FFS, surely someone could take control of the communication at least.

You have had a terrible few weeks & generally a lot if stress & pressure. It's no wonder you're exhausted. If Bf can't stay, is there anyone (other then your best friend, who is a single mum) that you could confide in that would be able to come & stay? You need help with the kids & someone to look after you xx

TellOrNot1981 · 01/03/2022 12:13

Thanks for the messages, it really does feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare here. The bleeding stopped overnight and at the moment there’s no cramping or bleeding at all. I wrote a very cross email to PALS this morning and then did some more crying. Physically I feel ok at the moment and my bf is here until at least next week if I need him so I’m being looked after. I just feel completely done in mentally though. The hospital phoned me back this morning and at the moment I am booked in for surgery on Thursday, and they have promised I will be first on the list. But I guess that depends on what happens with bleeding in the meantime, if it starts again and keeps going I guess there’s no point in the surgery. And it also means I have to traipse back to the hospital tomorrow for another fecking covid test as it has to be done within 72 hours (I live about 45 mins from the hospital so it’s all a ball ache).

OP posts:
TellOrNot1981 · 01/03/2022 12:15

My email to pals which explains the whole shit show of what they’ve put me through:

Dear Sir or Madam

I am writing to complain about the way I have been treated by the EPAC department.

On 22nd February a scan showed that my baby had no heartbeat and I was given the options to miscarry naturally, take medication or have surgery. At that time I said I would prefer to miscarry naturally so I went home, but having given it some thought over the next day I decided that I would prefer to have surgery. So I phoned the EPAC department on the afternoon of 23rd February and spoke to a nurse. She said that would be fine and that there were some slots available on Friday for surgery. She left me on the phone while she went to book me in and then came back and said that the Friday slots had gone, so it was best to book me in for surgery on Monday as there were elective slots available then. She explained that she could put me on the emergency list for Friday but they 'didn't like to do that to their ladies' as on the emergency list there was a good chance that the surgery might not happen, so I would be better to wait until Monday. She also booked me in for bloods and a covid swab on Sunday 27th February.

When I arrived at XXXX ward on Sunday for bloods they seemed a little confused as to why I was there, and left me in the waiting room for nearly an hour. I finally went into a room with a nurse who explained that I hadn't been put on the list for surgery the next day, but that wasn't a problem as they could add me to the list. My partner was with me at the time and also heard the nurse clearly say this; at no time did she say that what was actually happening was that I was on the emergency list, I was most definitely given the impression that there would be no problem with having the surgery the next day and that there was space on the list for me.

So I arrived at the hospital as requested yesterday at 11.30am, having had nil by mouth since the previous day. I waited in the waiting room for nearly 2 hours before I was called to see the surgeon. He went through the consent forms with me and explained what would happen during the surgery. When I asked what kind of time the surgery might be, he said he expected it to be 4pm/4.30pm as I was 4th (last) on the list. I was still given no indication that the surgery might not happen or that I was in fact on the emergency rather than the elective list.

At around 2.15pm, so nearly 3 hours since I arrived at the hospital, the surgeon came to see me in the waiting room and said that he wanted to be honest with me, and that he may not have time to do the surgery that day. I immediately broke down in tears as up until that point I had been given no indication that the surgery was only a possibility, I had had to make a lot of arrangements and call in a lot of favours to enable me to attend the hospital that day, and I had mentally prepared myself that the surgery would be happening and it would be all be over. I asked the surgeon what the chances of the surgery happening were and he said that it was 50/50. The surgeon left me and some nurses came in, and sat down with me with my file and explained that something had clearly gone wrong and they were trying to work out where. It appeared that the nurse that I spoke to on the Wednesday phone call hadn't actually put me on the surgery list, and they were trying to work out who that nurse was. She had booked me in for the bloods, that was in the diary, but for whatever reason hadn't actually put me on the surgery list.

I was really upset and couldn't stop crying, I asked if there was somewhere I could go to lie down as by now, mid afternoon, having not eaten or had anything to drink since the previous day, I was feeling pretty rubbish and just wanted somewhere to cry in peace. A nurse took me to an office which was freezing cold and had a tiny sofa in it, and gave me a thin blanket and a pillow, which was the best she could do as there were no beds. I was left in there for another couple of hours, crying. Finally anaesthetist came in and went through the operation procedure with me, shortly before 4pm. As she was about to leave I asked her if that meant the surgery was going to be happening and she said that it was a 'very good sign' that she had come up to see me and that she was going back down to speak to the consultant about my operation. I was given a gown to put on so I got changed.

Shortly after that the nurses told me that they had a bed for me, so at about 4.30pm I was finally given somewhere comfortable to be on XXXX ward. They said it was looking very promising on both of the lists that I was on for the surgery to be happening, and they should know for sure within 30 minutes - 1 hour. I lay down and waited, and then a nurse and a doctor came in just before 5.30pm to break the news to me that they would not be able to do the surgery that day. I was absolutely distraught at that point, and had no choice but to get dressed and go home.

I feel that several errors were made with my care. Firstly of course the nurse I spoke to on Wednesday should have put me on the surgery list, but didn't. Then the nurses I saw on Sunday were not transparent with me that I was in fact on the emergency list, not the elective list. If I had known this I could have made an informed choice to either rebook on a day I could have gone onto the elective list, or at least attended being mentally prepared that the surgery was only a possibility rather than something that was likely to happen. And then yesterday, I had been there for nearly 3 hours before anyone actually admitted to me that I was on the emergency list and that the surgery was only a 50/50 possibilty.

This seems like a really poor way to treat a person going through what is already a difficult and upsetting time. I now have the options of going back and trying again for surgery on Thursday or Friday, although the nurses said they can't promise the same thing won't happen again. I honestly don't know if I can go through that again, both emotionally and practically because of the number of arrangements I would need to make (as I did yesterday) to be there. Or I can wait it out and miscarry naturally, which is what I was trying to avoid.

I would appreciate your response.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 01/03/2022 12:33

Well done OP you've set all of that out really clearly and with emotion only where appropriate and needed. That cannot have been at all easy.
Good luck and I hope you have as calm and restful couple of days as possible and above all that this is all resolved soon one way or another and with as little pain and distress to you as can be expected.
I'm so glad your BF is there looking after you. He really does seem to have stepped up in a good way that centres you. Kudos to him.
More flowers for you. Flowers

TellOrNot1981 · 01/03/2022 12:46

@heldinadream no it wasn’t easy, I wrote it with steam coming out of my ears, pressed send, slammed my laptop closed whilst saying ‘cunts’ then burst into tears. Yes bf is being truly lovely, I told him this morning I won’t be at all offended if he wants to go out and do something for a few hours as I’m just miserable and no fun to be around but he’s stayed here and has actually pretty successfully managed to cheer me up, bless him 🥰

OP posts:
YUMMYMUMMY63 · 01/03/2022 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

irishfarmer · 01/03/2022 15:07

Very clear and to the point. I don't know how much a response you can expect, but it may stop the same thing happening to another woman if they tell the team it is not acceptable. I know human errors happen but it seems like many people kept passing on the error

TellOrNot1981 · 01/03/2022 16:07

@irishfarmer yes that’s the best I can hope for - that other people don’t have to go through that. It seemed so unnecessarily unkind. I know the nurses are doing the best they can in a situation where they have huge problems with bed availability etc and one nurse in particular was so lovely and did her best to try and make me feel ok. But honestly yesterday absolutely broke me mentally and I consider myself pretty robust. It’s not ok to do that to people.

In other news the bleeding has started again but a bit heavier this time so looks like I’m just going to have to have a miscarriage now.

OP posts:
irishfarmer · 01/03/2022 16:26

Hopefully it does stop it happening again.

For my last mc I used always discreet pants, they were excellent, if you can get your hands on some. I found normal pad kept slipping as they were so bulky.

unravioling · 01/03/2022 16:32

OP, I'm so sorry to read about the way you were treated.

When I had a mc at home, the GP prescribed me naproxen which made a big difference to the pain I felt. It takes a little while to kick in but then it is very effective.

Gentle hugs. Thanks

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