To think a lot of lonely people have brought it on themselves?

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

Just been watching a channel 4 thing on YouTube about lonely people
Most of them were like-no one calls…. They don’t see anyone all day
They maybe have had a marriage where their partner was the only other person they spent time with so when threat person has passed away they have no one else

Just think people need to think more about what they are doing
They expect their adult children to call them all the time and visit
Yet don’t stop to pause to think have I been a good parent am I draining or overly negative

Or they could think right no one’s called me, who am I going to call
How am I going to make and keep some friends

@WhatNoRaisins if making friends was relatively straight forward for everyone, threads like this wouldn't appear and there wouldn't be a chronic problem of loneliness in our society.

True but I think some people seem to see it as a fairly simple matter of putting in enough effort. I'd argue there are some occasions where effort or time or adequate social skills still won't be enough due to circumstances working against you.

Life events can change friends and friendship groups. As a young child at school I had a few friends but only really one confidant close friend.
As an adult I was socializing everyday, literally hundreds of friends, stacked into smaller groups who all had different interests.

The large group disintegrated, i stopped participating in some of the hobbies, interests, post divorce I've lost friends, sine have died. I'm back where I started as a young boy.
Just a handful left, even that's splintering.
I sometimes fear I'll be that old man living on his own, trapped in the house, it's quite frightening really.
Although I do have my family and hers.

I think there can be a mismatch between an individual and surroundings. For example a work environment with a particular culture that’s been shaped by the people already there. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel like a good fit. It can be hard to make good connections with people in those circumstances.

It's rather like putting an acid-loving plant in an alkaline soil and seeing it unable to flourish. You can’t blame the plant and say it needs to try harder.

It's sometimes possible to adapt to a particular sub-optimal environment/set of people but only to a degree.

@sadpapercourtesan

What on earth makes a person think "I know, I'll have a go at lonely people today!"

You're being incredibly ignorant and unkind. People are complicated, they have all sort of impairments and personal demons and psychological scars that make it difficult to manage relationships. It's very common to be unable to cope with interacting with other people while being suicidally miserable about it. What do you expect to achieve by rubbing it in?

Absolutely this! Luckily there are people here who do have empathy that OP is clearly lacking.

Just wondering if there is a meet up on here for different areas ? Older mum with older children would like some friends to chat with in the Devon area

@Aliceinchains78 you need to look in the local Mumsnet section.