Page 4 | To feel hurt by MIL & others, helping Ss's DM

Sittingatawindow · 2022-01-31T10:23:49+00:00

MIL & GMIL are forever helping her, they say its because of SS, but they will help with things that wont even effect SS. I get they can do what they want and its their time/money etc etc but... I am also a mother of their S's child as well as the DP, it just feels like they are not being considerate of my feelings. It does make me feel hurt, it's as if they care more about her. IMO they of course should maintain a good relationship with the mother of their GS but they go above and beyond which she now relies on, and it would be nicer if they let her get on with her own life and problems and just care for gs. Too much to ask? Im sure I will get a tonne of abuse for this, but it honestly upsets me.

Hapoydayz · 31/01/2022 11:28

You really shouldn't be judging her. Do you also judge your partner for not trying for residency? Do you judge your partner for having other women in his life as you are not his first and there could have been loads between the year they broke up and the 8 years before he met you?

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 31/01/2022 11:28

Oh dear OP. You're clearly jealous.
I think it's lovely that they are maintaining a relationship with her, she is mother to their grandson/great grandson. Family ties don't just end on divorce.
You need to let go of your jealousy and be glad that you have such kind in-laws.

jytdtysrht · 31/01/2022 11:28

If my h had left me whilst my MIL was alive, I know that my MIL would have still loved me and helped me. That what family do.

Just leave MIL and your dh's ex alone - it should not impact you.

The ex and your dss clearly need and value this help - why would you begrudge them it? You can't possibly want them to struggle more?

I had a friend whose brother and his dw struggled with 4 kids, money etc. Friend's parents were going to help brother and family out - childcare, money etc. Friend talked her parents into not helping brother. Brother and family lost house. I just think that it's terrible to try to remove someone's support/help when it is not to your detriment.

IncompleteSenten · 31/01/2022 11:30

Anything that is upsetting the mum or making things hard for her does affect her child.
How can it not?

She'll be worried, stressed.

Glitterygreen · 31/01/2022 11:30

I know how you feel @Sittingatawindow, my PIL & SIL etc are the same.

But tbh I decided long ago that they have made it clear where their loyalties lie and our relationship is what it is (friendly but not close). They can do what they want as long as they don't think that they can come sidling up to me when it suits them - ie to get their hands on their newest grandchild!!

I'll continue to see and spend time with them as I do now, but no more.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 31/01/2022 11:31

What does she do for them that she doesn't do for you?

SleepingStandingUp · 31/01/2022 11:32

I'd be pretty peeved if DMIL dropped me like a hot potato if DH and a split. We have a relationship seperate to him. She came on my hen do and my birthday girls only meal, we go to the theatre together, she calls and speaks to me. Unless I did something heinous to him, why would she stop being involved with me and the Dkids?

IncompleteSenten · 31/01/2022 11:34

Wow. If she's that terrible I assume your husband is applying to court for full custody.

He'd have to be quite the piece of shit himself to leave his child in such a situation, wouldn't you agree?

So hopefully he will get full custody then his parents won't feel the needs to help his ex for the sake of their grandchild.

phishy · 31/01/2022 11:34

You've not actually said what they do for her, OP?

ZenNudist · 31/01/2022 11:36

Depends. Are they taking DSS and the ex to Disney land and you get a week in butlins? Or are they helping out with day to day living expenses, clothes, trips out for a single parent household that sounds quite deprived and not a nice place for dc to grow up if the mum actually does parade her men in front of the dc.

You sound judgemental and jealous and it's not a good look.

Crunchymum · 31/01/2022 11:36

You are just sounding more and more bitter.

I commend your MIL and GMIL for maintaining a good relationship with the mother of their great/grandchild.

It isn't always easy to do this.

Your DP may have only been with this woman for a year but your MIL and GMIL now have a relationship of a decade + with her.

Families don't always fall into neat little packages and I think you need to be gracious about this. You could be an Ex one day too!

KatherineJaneway · 31/01/2022 11:37

[quote Sittingatawindow]@GreenTeaMom Yes I am because she is.

She has a constant stream of men through the house, several children all with different dads. Leaves them home alone, generally neglects them, but will gladly accept help if it will benefit her. Spends money on herself meant for the poor kids.

So actually no Im not the nasty one.

I don't particularly like her, but that is solely down to how she behaves as a mother. [/quote]
Surely what you have outlined here clearly shows why they are helping out so much?

Crunchymum · 31/01/2022 11:38

She has a constant stream of men through the house, several children all with different dads. Leaves them home alone, generally neglects them, but will gladly accept help if it will benefit her. Spends money on herself meant for the poor kids

IF this is true, then your DP needs to be going through the courts for custody!

TyrannosaurusRegina · 31/01/2022 11:39

It's lovely when people can get along like this, all being there for the child, regardless of breakups. Please don't try to sabotage or sour this.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 31/01/2022 11:41

Would you prefer they would be bitching about her?

3peassuit · 31/01/2022 11:41

If she’s that awful, why hasn’t your DP applied for full custody or at the very least full custody?

PhoboPhobia · 31/01/2022 11:42

[quote Sittingatawindow]@GreenTeaMom Yes I am because she is.

She has a constant stream of men through the house, several children all with different dads. Leaves them home alone, generally neglects them, but will gladly accept help if it will benefit her. Spends money on herself meant for the poor kids.

So actually no Im not the nasty one.

I don't particularly like her, but that is solely down to how she behaves as a mother. [/quote]
If this is true, maybe you could do 2 things.

1 - stop being so judgmental
2 - if she's really an awful Mother, be grateful that your SS has people in his life who are looking out for him

You clearly don't like her but if you don't need their help I'm not sure why you're so resentful? Why does it affect you.

You really don't come across well but maybe there's more to it?

SportsMother · 31/01/2022 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gonnagetgoing · 31/01/2022 11:43

[quote Sittingatawindow]@GreenTeaMom Yes I am because she is.

She has a constant stream of men through the house, several children all with different dads. Leaves them home alone, generally neglects them, but will gladly accept help if it will benefit her. Spends money on herself meant for the poor kids.

So actually no Im not the nasty one.

I don't particularly like her, but that is solely down to how she behaves as a mother. [/quote]
@Sittingatawindow - I knew this drip feed would come...

You sound a horrible judgmental person and unsurprising your IL's prefer to help out her and their SS rather than you.

You keep tabs on where she goes and what she spends her money on do you? Unbelievable.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/01/2022 11:44

DMIL GMIL SS Etc?

I’m struggling to understand what you mean,

But I think you are jealous that your stepson’s (Ss?) actual grandmother (GMIL?) wants to have anything to do with him?

What is that all about?

Fairylightsongs · 31/01/2022 11:44

Op, you sound really jealous. Do you understand why you feel that way? Has jealousy always been a problem for you? Or is there something in your partners behaviour causing it?

I’m sure you know deep down that how they spend their time, doesn’t really impact or take anything away from you?

I think I’d focus on why you’re so very jealous about this.

Bananarama21 · 31/01/2022 11:44

Jealously is an awful emotion its displayed all over your posts. I used to go out for coffee with my ex inlaws when ds was little it stopped as I got busier with life but they made an effort.

mumda · 31/01/2022 11:45

It's ok for you to feel sad.

It's not ok for you to make others feel bad.

PasstheBucket89 · 31/01/2022 11:45

I think its probably well intentioned due to the split but it's valid you feel left out too.

GatoradeMeBitch · 31/01/2022 11:47

Well they clearly like her, and want to help her. It doesn't really matter what you or your DH think. If they are all happy with the situation they don't need your permission or your objections.

Your resentment is very clear in your posts. Get over it and grow up. Your PILs are people of their own, they are not a resource that you need to jealously gatekeep. Work on improving your own relationship with them instead of seething because they are nice people. You might benefit from that yourself one day.