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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband didn’t mention he is doing yoga or having massages. AIBU?

297 replies

Tiffany80s · 30/01/2022 18:17

I went to turn off my husband’s phone alarm this morning and saw a message from a number that didn’t have a name saved and the message had been saved in WhatsApp under “archived” messages. The profile pic was a woman- the message said something about not worrying about missing a few weeks and that she was going to “work him hard next time”. I asked him what this was about and he said he took up yoga to help with back ache (from work). I asked him why he didn’t tell me and he said he thought I would make a joke of it and tease him. Months ago he mentioned my brother in law doing yoga and I actually told him I thought it was great he was doing it. I just had a really bad feeling about it, my instincts told me something wasn’t right. I asked him to show the payments for this. When he showed me the payment, I saw another regular series of payments to another woman. When I noticed the first payment , I asked him who that was, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. When I scrolled further there were 6 more payments, weekly. His face fell and I asked him who he had made the payments to. This time he said he had been going for sports massages. I can’t understand why he would not mention this to me. You know something along the lines of “ my backs been hurting but I went for a massage today and I feel so much better”. My husband insists it is all above board. The line of work he is in it is common to see chiropractors for back aches etc. I can’t help feeling there is more to this. AIBU?

OP posts:
ThePlumVan · 30/01/2022 23:30

Whadatano you now have back pain and need a massage and a few yoga classes.
Book yourself in !

Angelswithflirtyfaces · 30/01/2022 23:30

Have you come across any yoga clothes/ workout gear in the laundry?
Whoever this is it sounds flirty and full of innuendo.
A fitness professional would never text a client something so flirty unless there is something going on.
My ex used sex workers and used a site called punters net which was full of tips how to 'fool' her indoors.
The old classic such as private fitness being a top tip. He couldnt very well say he is having private ukelele lesson or you would want the evidence. But use something respectable like yoga then say you shy to admit is a classic.
Ask him to tell you all about it and spare no details, right down to breathing techniques and poses. Really put him on spot. Then get him to ring in front of you.

momls20 · 30/01/2022 23:33

Yeah I would be mega suspicious Hmm

MoFro · 30/01/2022 23:47

Google the numbers - if they are a business number they’ll have some online presence whether that’s yoga or escort

Hope it’s innocent but sounds suss

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 30/01/2022 23:50

'Working him hard next time' is not something that the yoga instructor at the church hall would say if he'd missed a class.

Very suspect.

There is no way in a million years that DH would have a massage or sign up for yoga without telling me. Sorry, this doesn't sound innocent to me.

Whatinthelord · 30/01/2022 23:51

Yes this sounds mega suspicious. The text itself sounds unusual. I’ve never received a text like that from a masseuse or yoga instructor.

Have you worked out how much money has gone to “yoga”? Surely a group lesson would be no more than £10 per week.

I think, if you’re feeling it’s not adding up, then ir probably is something untoward.

I don’t know what your relationship is like, but it would be massively unsustainable for my husband to book multiple activities/treatments and fail to mention the, even once.

SpatulaSpoon · 30/01/2022 23:57

My PT says that to me. But she and i are both female....and it's discussing HIIT training and weights.

MimosaFields · 31/01/2022 00:02

@Opalfeet

145 for yoga? 🤨
Block of ten classes. Doesn't sound unusual. On the other hand, is that not cheap for an escort? I would have expected it to be more expensive although I have zero clue
ChrimboGateauxCatto · 31/01/2022 00:03

Another vote for massage happy ending and escorts. Google the numbers.

surreygirl1987 · 31/01/2022 00:03

I'd be suspicious too.

Bunnyfuller · 31/01/2022 00:08

Could try looking for local yoga classes/massage places and see if the number matches?

Sorry op, this is rubbish

SocialConnection · 31/01/2022 00:33

Not knowing , suspecting, dreading - these are worse than knowing the truth.

Time for a frank straight out conversation with him.

Tell me about the yoga classes. Who do you go? What's their name? Their website? Where do you go?

Watch his reaction and listen to his answers.

We know when they are not their usual selves.

Justilou1 · 31/01/2022 00:38

Call the number.

Booklover3 · 31/01/2022 00:41

I don’t like the sound of this if I’m honest OP. It’s the lying over something he doesn’t need to lie about which makes me think he’s guilty of something

JustKittenAround · 31/01/2022 00:46

I would ask him to take me through some yoga moves that have worked for him…. One on one classes would mean he would know something…

nosnos · 31/01/2022 01:51

F

madisonbridges · 31/01/2022 02:45

Nobody on here knows and anyone can make up any old hypothesis. Just Google search the number. If it's a business he must have found the number somehow so it will be registered. Or Google the name on the bank statement. Or, of course, just ask a load of random women on the Internet.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 31/01/2022 04:46

yabu imo

gonnabeok · 31/01/2022 04:52

Working you hard? Sex worker.

autienotnaughty · 31/01/2022 05:03

Why not ring the number and enquire about yoga lessons? I just find it strange he didn't tell you and £145 is a lot for yoga. I pay £30 for block booking.

HermioneGranger999 · 31/01/2022 05:28

Echoing other posters, YANBU. I would also text rather than call to avoid raising suspicions.

anon12345678901 · 31/01/2022 05:42

I would text the number, no one here can say for certain what it is. They can think but they don't know, the only person who can find out is you OP. What are you going to do?

ElftonWednesday · 31/01/2022 05:45

My yoga is £12 a class, often £10 if you block book, so the amount would not in itself be suspicious, but I think his attitude is.

redbigbananafeet · 31/01/2022 05:47

I'd suggest the 'don't worry about missing a few weeks, I'll work you extra hard this time' type text is the sex worker going through her phone trying to rack up some repeat business during a quiet spell. She's reaching out to him encouraging him to make another appointment.

pictish · 31/01/2022 06:24

He’s not doing yoga. Ffs.