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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband didn’t mention he is doing yoga or having massages. AIBU?

297 replies

Tiffany80s · 30/01/2022 18:17

I went to turn off my husband’s phone alarm this morning and saw a message from a number that didn’t have a name saved and the message had been saved in WhatsApp under “archived” messages. The profile pic was a woman- the message said something about not worrying about missing a few weeks and that she was going to “work him hard next time”. I asked him what this was about and he said he took up yoga to help with back ache (from work). I asked him why he didn’t tell me and he said he thought I would make a joke of it and tease him. Months ago he mentioned my brother in law doing yoga and I actually told him I thought it was great he was doing it. I just had a really bad feeling about it, my instincts told me something wasn’t right. I asked him to show the payments for this. When he showed me the payment, I saw another regular series of payments to another woman. When I noticed the first payment , I asked him who that was, and he said he didn’t know anything about it. When I scrolled further there were 6 more payments, weekly. His face fell and I asked him who he had made the payments to. This time he said he had been going for sports massages. I can’t understand why he would not mention this to me. You know something along the lines of “ my backs been hurting but I went for a massage today and I feel so much better”. My husband insists it is all above board. The line of work he is in it is common to see chiropractors for back aches etc. I can’t help feeling there is more to this. AIBU?

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 30/01/2022 22:20

I generally get mad on here when people jump to suspicious motives, affairs, cheating and prostitutes when there could be a far more innocent explanation.

This one doesn't sound very innocent. Secret yoga and massages? Really?

buckeejit · 30/01/2022 22:25

I think you should text like @exsexworker says.

Your dh doesn't sound like a well seasoned liar so maybe this is a recently acquired habit. I hope you make some progress but the only way is to face the truth.

Good luck

GrandTheftWalrus · 30/01/2022 22:29

I have archived messages on my WhatsApp and when I get a message in them it only shows beside the archived bit that there is 1 or 2 etc. They don't show up as new. Im on android though.

sunsshineshowerss · 30/01/2022 22:30

Oh he's having massages all right.
The ones with happy endings.

It's Deffo not innocent - you don't lie about going to yoga or getting a sports massage.
What a dick.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/01/2022 22:36

@exsexworker

Name changed for this. I'm an ex sex worker. Full service and also massage with ending work.

This is what to do -

TEXT the numbers, do not call them yourself. If it's a sex worker they will freak out at a woman's voice and not pick up again.

Text this - "Could you remind me of your profile please? I have saved your number but can't get online yet. If you are available tomorrow at x time I'd like to make an appointment please? Thank you very much, (man's name)" (make it a few hours later or next day).

Many sex workers won't reply if you are in any way rude or vague or don't use please and thank yous etc. It's how we screen. They may not reply if they think someone is just calling round numbers and don't know who they are, but this is your best bet.

Did you try googling the number with +44 code instead?

Also, £145 is a weird price for sex work. It would usually be a round to £10 number.

It does sound like sex work though, sorry.

I'd do this OP.

I'm so sorry, it doesn't look great

GrazingSheep · 30/01/2022 22:38

I do yoga
And have massages
My husband doesn’t know
Shoot me now

Newbabynewhouse · 30/01/2022 22:39

The issue is hes kept it from you...why...

Newbabynewhouse · 30/01/2022 22:40

@GrazingSheep

Lol! But if he saw your payments and asked you what they were would you say you didnt know?... or would you say they are for yoga and massages?

RosiePosieDozy · 30/01/2022 22:41

The 'work you hard' doesn't say yoga to me. Yoga is about relaxation and mindfulness. It doesn't seem innocent.

WhyYesYABU · 30/01/2022 22:45

@GrazingSheep

I do yoga And have massages My husband doesn’t know Shoot me now
Well that's weird. Do you not talk about your day? Or ever say 'just popping to yoga. See you in an hour!' ?

I don't tell my husband every detail of my day but he knows my hobbies.

MadeForThis · 30/01/2022 22:52

You need to save the number to WhatsApp and google them.

He could be telling the truth.

PainterMummy · 30/01/2022 22:53

Some yoga can be very active and strong - but using the term “work you hard” I wouldn’t associate with yoga. Personal trainer doing circuit training or ither weight trading, yes, you could imagine that.

Nevertheless, it is just odd. Exactly as you e described - it is off. My DH will tell me if he’s going to the gym, playing golf, going for a swim etc. he’ll most certainly tell me if his bs k hurts and we start with my rubbing volterol on his back before he goes for sports massage or physio. Which we do talk about.

So if your DH is doing these things legitimately of course no issue but just as your sexy senses are raised by this secretiveness, totally agree this is off he’s hiding something and it’s not sports massage and yoga.

GrazingSheep · 30/01/2022 23:00

Well that's weird. Do you not talk about your day? Or ever say 'just popping to yoga. See you in an hour!' ?

I do both during the day when he’s at work

DiamondBright · 30/01/2022 23:12

My exH took up yoga, it was yet another lie to cover up an affair.

Crikeyalmighty · 30/01/2022 23:12

Any reason it doesn’t crop up in general chit chat @GrazingSheep ??

lap90 · 30/01/2022 23:13

You should easily be able to verify if what he has said is true... when you're ready to do so.

Iamthedom · 30/01/2022 23:14

Google the number if it’s anything dodgy it will show up in a internet search

MuckyPlucky · 30/01/2022 23:14

I think he’s having an affair, and his cover story with the OW (in case OP ever got suspicious about where he’d been) was that he was having massages/yoga.
OW then starts an ‘in joke’ that she’s his ‘yoga teacher’ and will “work him hard” when she next sees him etc (vom).

The payments are payments to her, to cover cost of hotels/dinner. So that if OP comes across them they can be explained as payments to an anonymous person for yoga, rather than OP seeing payments to TravelLodge or Prezzo.

lightisnotwhite · 30/01/2022 23:16

@GrazingSheep

Does he not ask “ how was your day” and you tell him what you’ve done? He knows you must do something with your time.

chillied · 30/01/2022 23:17

That's bloody expensive for yoga, would be nearly half a year of classes round here.

GrazingSheep · 30/01/2022 23:17

@Crikeyalmighty
No, not particularly
Maybe his spidey senses are tingling
Better ask him

Rosebyanothername19 · 30/01/2022 23:23

I'd definitely be saying that I'd come along to the Yoga and be booking in a massage with his recommendation!

Either you get the truth or you get to feel relaxed and pampered (and possibly a bit embarrassed, but worth it for overall piece of mind!) I hope it is the latter for you @Tiffany80s Flowers

Crikeyalmighty · 30/01/2022 23:26

I guess it depends how your general communication goes @GrazingSheep— my H always says - done anything interesting today? So I would tend to say what I’ve done that day and vice versa— fair enough if that’s not how it is for you

bofski14 · 30/01/2022 23:27

OP have you tried putting the number into a Facebook search? A lot of people's WhatsApps are linked with Facebook. It may give you a clue.

FWIW, the fact that the message was archived, he is acting shifty and the content of the message...I'm sorry to say but that's a lot of red flags.

Opalfeet · 30/01/2022 23:30

145 for yoga? 🤨

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