Found his message unusual and now he seems to have taken offence that I questioned it

[wasiwrongtoask]

I have been seeing someone for almost a year now and last night his last message seemed a bit unusual. I sent a text to say good night and he responded with a number of emojis. He is very articulate and not usually big on these and they included an aubergine 🍆 which I found odd so I asked if he was talking to someone else pointing out that it was unusual. He has now taken offence and was very defensive. Was I BU to ask?

If he was texting someone else asking for a blow job would he admit to it? In that alone you’re being unreasonable in expecting the truth from him but in calling him out on something unusual then not unreasonable but you probably now need to accept his answer that he was drunk.

@wasiwrongtoask
Well, near enough. Because of the lips emoji after the aubergine, I assumed he wanted lips around it. 😱😂

Agree with you OP and his defensive response speaks volumes.

@Hshuznw telling her she's imagining that anything is wrong with this sudden different style in communication and that she is controlling or not fun enough, given he never uses emojis and now suddenly uses all the emojis is gaslighting her. Posters inferring she is losing the plot when everything within her is telling her something is wrong is gaslighting. It's totally invalidating her instincts and is wrong.

I can't be bothered reading the full thread (because it's getting silly) but from the emojis it's most likely "I really love you, I'm aroused, kiss kiss". It could also be "I really love you, I'm aroused, I fancy a blowjob" but that would depend on the relationship and only the two people in the relationship would know. And it doesn't really matter unless the OP finds suggested requests for BJs offensive.

@wasiwrongtoask I agree with you to have questioned his reply and I don't think you over reacted at all! After nearly a year you'd have a good knowledge of his style of texts by now so if all these sexual emojis were out of the ordinary for him then I'd be pretty damn sure that he was responding to someone else and accidentally sent that message to you, that's why he was defensive... this can happen so easily when you're messaging a few people at once. I WhatsApp'd a grocery list to the builder a while ago as DH messaged at the same time about what we needed from Sainsburys! Why were you not together on a Saturday night anyway?...

All of these posters giving you a hard time saying you're paranoid and should apologise etc must have very low standards and basically it seems they believe anything they're told on face value and anything goes when it comes to their partners, that's fine if that's what they want but it's clearly not what you or I would accept... both partners being committed and faithful is vital for a relationship to work and that's it really...

@BacardiOnATuesday

Agree with you OP and his defensive response speaks volumes.

I'd also be defensive. And I'd never dream of messaging someone else when I'm in a relationship.

I’d not get defensive if, after a year of never using emojis, I suddenly used emojis to signify sexual arousal at something I’d seen.
Especially if all I’d first received was a good night text.

Don’t you just love 21st Century technology and communication?

As if life and relationships were not complicated without emoji interpretation.

@FatFredsFriedEgg I only find suggestions of a blow job from him offensive when clearly directed at someone other than me!

If he’s suggesting your relationship is over just because you questioned whether his message was intended for someone else then that is a very inflated reaction from him.

The only people I know who have reacted in that way have done so because they weren’t telling the whole truth.

You’re entitled to ask a question of your significant other and you are entitled to receive a response.

@alwaysontheloo is absolutely spot on. Go with your instincts. When you know someone well, you can often tell when they aren’t being fully honest.

I only find suggestions of a blow job from him offensive when clearly directed at someone other than me! OP, even if you found suggestions of a blowjob via texts and emogis that is entirely your prerogative.

personally I think sexting and emogis for sexting is bloody grim and belongs among people young enough to be my son. And if that makes me uptight then I could care less.

I would be doing the dumping if a bloke started sending me that kind of shit a year into our relationship.

People calling the OP uptight are in the same category as men who sulk because their partner doesn’t want to do the things they do, or put out when they want her to.

Seems DP is sockpuppeting with some of these replies

It definitely sounds like this message was meant for someone else. You know your style of communication - plus he wouldn't send 'your pic gave me a hard on' in response to good night!! And to those apologists saying "his mate must have taken the phone" errr would he not realise it looked dodge and explain straight away rather than getting the hump?

You're totally right OP and I'd react the exact same way.