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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found his message unusual and now he seems to have taken offence that I questioned it

189 replies

wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 10:57

I have been seeing someone for almost a year now and last night his last message seemed a bit unusual. I sent a text to say good night and he responded with a number of emojis. He is very articulate and not usually big on these and they included an aubergine 🍆 which I found odd so I asked if he was talking to someone else pointing out that it was unusual. He has now taken offence and was very defensive. Was I BU to ask?

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/01/2022 15:39

I think you’re right OP

Ellowyn · 30/01/2022 15:44

Maybe he thought he was corresponding with a girl who is fun.
Please let the poor man go, so you can both find people more suitable.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 30/01/2022 15:44

Some of these posters...

I agree with you, OP. Weird response to a goodnight message. Much more like he's responding to a photo.

And he got way too defensive when you asked him about it.

I think your handled it well.

Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 15:51

@Ellowyn I am fun, but I'm no fool!

OP posts:
CaMePlaitPas · 30/01/2022 15:55

@WhyMeLord

Was there any mention of Stonehenge?
Grin
NobdieTheNob · 30/01/2022 15:59

Frankly, I would bin any man who tried to communicate with me in emojis. I would assume he was about 14.

NickiMinajerie · 30/01/2022 16:02

Night
Night
maybe with one blowing a kiss emoji...
Night
kiss love kiss enamoured kiss blowjob or whatever it was, does seem to have come a bit out the blue, aye
I would be the same, unless we had been flirting before

SunshineCake1 · 30/01/2022 16:13

Him being offended and defensive means I would be being careful.

If he loved you he would want to reassure you. Not sulk.

beenwhereyouare · 30/01/2022 16:21

Apologies if anyone has already said this, but I don't see how the lips and the eggplant (aubergine) could be a slip of the finger. They are in 2 completely different sets of emoji to the smileys/emotions.

The only way for that happen is if they were in his list of recent emojis. The OP says he rarely uses them when messaging her.

Airyfairymarybeary · 30/01/2022 16:23

How old is he? I would find this strange for a man 30+
I’m pretty sure this is how young teenagers communicate. Or something a pervy man would write on a young lady’s Instagram pic.
It would definitely put me off tbh, regardless of if he’s talking with anyone else.

RobertsRadio · 30/01/2022 16:23

I agree that the defensive behaviour would have cemented my suspicions. Anyway sounds like you called it right Op and are best out of it.

LovedayCL · 30/01/2022 16:25

@WhyMeLord

Was there any mention of Stonehenge?
We need a Stonehenge emoji alongside a waving hand emoji.
LovedayCL · 30/01/2022 16:26

I do think it might be a bit weird though, was he drinking maybe?

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 30/01/2022 16:27

@Ellowyn

Maybe he thought he was corresponding with a girl who is fun. Please let the poor man go, so you can both find people more suitable.
She’s a fully grown woman. Not a girl who needs to ignore all her instincts so as to appear “fun” to a man.
alwaysontheloo · 30/01/2022 16:30

Not sure why you're being gas lit by some posters on this thread OP when we tell people to trust their instincts and then when you do posters are calling you boring or no fun or inferring you're batshit...Hmm

You know your relationship best and know if something doesn't fit and feels wrong then trust your gut. His reply had no bearing on the conversation you were having and his response since shows you weren't wrong.

TheUnexpectedPickle · 30/01/2022 16:30

OP I'm late to the party but I totally get it.

You can tell people's texting style- for example, sometimes my BIL types out a response on behalf of my sister if she has her hands full. I always know it was typed by him because its in his style not hers.

If my DP suddenly sent me a message that doesn't sound like him at all, I would definitely ask him about it.

SecretaryOfNagriculture · 30/01/2022 16:31

You've basically accused him of cheating on you, of course he's offended.
Are you always so uptight or is there a massive history here?

LoisLane66 · 30/01/2022 16:32

I think that @Pushmepullyou was bang on target.

Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 16:37

@LoisLane66 not a chance was that I love you and want a blow job!!! That was 'I like what I see and have an erection'

OP posts:
Hshuznw · 30/01/2022 16:41

@alwaysontheloo

Not sure why you're being gas lit by some posters on this thread OP when we tell people to trust their instincts and then when you do posters are calling you boring or no fun or inferring you're batshit...Hmm

You know your relationship best and know if something doesn't fit and feels wrong then trust your gut. His reply had no bearing on the conversation you were having and his response since shows you weren't wrong.

Wtf? How is it gaslighting when OP has asked for opinions.

A difference in opinion is NOT gaslighting. Go learn what it means before you start throwing emotional abuse around and claiming that’s what MNers are doing.

Hshuznw · 30/01/2022 16:43

Amazed at the number of posters who think asking what a text meant is on the same level as accusing someone of cheating. One is innocent, the other is accusatory.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 16:43

A difference in opinion is NOT gaslighting. Go learn what it means before you start throwing emotional abuse around and claiming that’s what MNers are doing.

I see so many posters using 'gaslighting' in completely the wrong context. I think they just throw these words in there because they've seen it used on other threads without actually knowing what it means.

Hshuznw · 30/01/2022 16:46

@KurtWilde

A difference in opinion is NOT gaslighting. Go learn what it means before you start throwing emotional abuse around and claiming that’s what MNers are doing.

I see so many posters using 'gaslighting' in completely the wrong context. I think they just throw these words in there because they've seen it used on other threads without actually knowing what it means.

Agreed. I see it all the time. It’s like they’ve learnt a new word and look for any opportunity to use it, without understanding what it even means!
careerchangemaybe · 30/01/2022 16:47

@Catsandslippers

OP trust your gut on this one. It seems the vast majority of people responding on this thread aren't familiar with emoji sexting.

Star eyes followed by aubergine means your sexy picture has given me a hard on, certainly not a response to goodnight!

His response to being caught out is also a massive red flag.

Agree with this. That emoji sequence only means one thing really, and is quite obviously a response to a photo.

Pat123dev · 30/01/2022 17:02

I'm just think perhaps you guys arnt suited!

Yeah youre entitled to ask, he was probably being relaxed.