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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found his message unusual and now he seems to have taken offence that I questioned it

189 replies

wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 10:57

I have been seeing someone for almost a year now and last night his last message seemed a bit unusual. I sent a text to say good night and he responded with a number of emojis. He is very articulate and not usually big on these and they included an aubergine 🍆 which I found odd so I asked if he was talking to someone else pointing out that it was unusual. He has now taken offence and was very defensive. Was I BU to ask?

OP posts:
Coffeetwosugars · 30/01/2022 11:19

@WhyMeLord

Was there any mention of Stonehenge?
Grin
Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 11:19

@frazzledasarock never had a reason to question him before and now he seems to be suggesting that things are over. However I haven't apologised just sad that I didn't intend to offend him, which I really didn't. But I do think that to ask was reasonable

OP posts:
Birdkin · 30/01/2022 11:21

@frazzledasarock

I wouldn’t apologise.

Why should you OP?

You didn’t accuse him of anything you asked if he meant to send that message to you.

Does he behave like this often? Going off at the deep end getting huffy when you query something that seems out of context and odd to you?

She absolutely is accusing him of something…
Loveisthere · 30/01/2022 11:22

WHYMELORD
Definitely a Stonehenge moment

Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 11:22

What is the Stonehenge thing? I am obviously missing something!

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 30/01/2022 11:23

If he’s ending things due to this one text I would think you were right and he was texting someone else and accidentally sent it to you.

If I had never received these kind of texts before from my partner I’d find it odd to receive that message out of the blue in response to an innocuous goodnight message too.

Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 11:24

@frazzledasarock yes my thoughts too. Way too defensive

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 30/01/2022 11:26

Similar post was about a text waving at Stonehenge and poster suspected cheating because of it. After a year of no emojis then this I too would find it odd. Maybe he's defensive as he's embarrassed he's offended you

User838960 · 30/01/2022 11:31

I think you've read into it a bit too much. My mind would not wander down that path but I get that when you convince yourself of something it is very difficult to shake and only becomes more convincing!

I understand he probably feels a bit insulted though (as would I) but you also should feel comfortable enough to bring something up if it bothers you. I don't think either of you are being unreasonable it's just a tricky one.

Hshuznw · 30/01/2022 11:31

Well it’s telling that you went straight to cheating. By all means question what he meant, but you essentially accused him of cheating on you, when there was no evidence of that whatsoever.

I would be pissed off too if I sent what I thought was a cute drunken text.

Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 11:31

@MissMaple82 ah I will have to look for that one! Yes it's the fact that it's not his usual style that got me thinking

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/01/2022 11:32

Me and my husband don't use emojis so if I got a message like that I'd be questioning it. Even if did use emojis then that is a random response to a simple goodnight message and I'd be like??? In respobse

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 30/01/2022 11:32

A “what was that about?” Would have been fine. But you did accuse him of messaging someone else, however you dress it up. And given you had little to go on that was not necessary. Just imagine the responses on here if a female poster sent those emojis to her BF and he messaged back in a similar way. Everyone would be jumping to say he is possessive and paranoid and it’s a red flag.

If he is saying the relationship is over, either it’s because your hunch was right and he has someone else, or you terribly offended him with your suspicion and he can’t/won’t accept that. Either way, I hope that you are able to move on in the knowledge you probably were not well suited.

Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 11:34

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood love the user name btw! Yes probably that is accurate I think. Ah well obviously probably time to move on

OP posts:
username1293948 · 30/01/2022 11:35

@WhyMeLord

Was there any mention of Stonehenge?
😂😂😂😂😂
Woodswoman · 30/01/2022 11:36

If I got that I would take it to be a loving, fun, fancy you, kind of response. Possibly when too drunk to be eloquent in words! You’ve overreacted in a weird way, OP.

grapewine · 30/01/2022 11:36

@Hshuznw

Well it’s telling that you went straight to cheating. By all means question what he meant, but you essentially accused him of cheating on you, when there was no evidence of that whatsoever.

I would be pissed off too if I sent what I thought was a cute drunken text.

Exactly this. I'm not that surprised if he wants to end things. It's a massive leap on your part, and perhaps he just doesn't want the hassle of you overthinking an emoji message.
Flowers500 · 30/01/2022 11:36

He sent you a horny text and you accused him of cheating. If I were his friend I would 100% tell him that this is a massive red flag and that he should consider your relationship.

LadyPropane · 30/01/2022 11:37

I was going to say YABU and owe him an apology, but if he's now saying it might be over because of this then that actually makes me think your hunch was right

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 11:40

Rather than saying 'what's that all about?' You went straight to accusing him of messaging someone else. I'd be defensive too. And I'd probably end it because you clearly don't trust me.

Unless there's some huge backstory of him having form, in which case that's different.

Hshuznw · 30/01/2022 11:41

@LadyPropane

I was going to say YABU and owe him an apology, but if he's now saying it might be over because of this then that actually makes me think your hunch was right
Or maybe he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who randomly accuses him of cheating. Such behaviour isn’t healthy at all.

I wonder if there have been other questionable moments from OP, so this was the straw that broke the camels back.

lottiegarbanzo · 30/01/2022 11:41

I don't use emojis much but even I can easily read that 'sentence' as, approximately 'you are sexy and gorgeous, I love you / your sexy look, give us a blowjob'.

If that's not typical of your correspondence of course you'd question it. If it was a lightheaded / drunken moment he'd just say so and laugh it off.

It would have been better to give him a chance to explain before jumping to 'OW'. But you're probably not wrong.

Though, it could be a crude bit of silliness with someone he flirts with but isn't and wouldn't be in a relationship with. Some people do use a lot more sexual language and imagery in everyday 'banter' than others.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/01/2022 11:41

Yes if he has never sent a text like this before, and it was seemingly at odds with the tone of your texts, then you were right to say “err, ????” And obviously his response has confirmed your intuition.

MrsEricBana · 30/01/2022 11:43

I'm with you on this OP, and even if you're not correct, if it's way off his usual style I'm not surprised you questioned it. You haven't been rude.

Wattingerno4 · 30/01/2022 11:44

I’d say you’re both overreacting. You for jumping to conclusions and him for wanting to end it because you jumped to conclusions.
Maybe this relationship has run its course.