Found his message unusual and now he seems to have taken offence that I questioned it

[wasiwrongtoask]

I have been seeing someone for almost a year now and last night his last message seemed a bit unusual. I sent a text to say good night and he responded with a number of emojis. He is very articulate and not usually big on these and they included an aubergine 🍆 which I found odd so I asked if he was talking to someone else pointing out that it was unusual. He has now taken offence and was very defensive. Was I BU to ask?

You're not alone OP. Here's the Stonehenge thread!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4463294-Odd-text-message-from-partner

@ahcmonnow

Absolutely ridiculous, massive overreaction.

Hmmmm unusual response, are you talking to someone else?

OP you absolutely accused him of sexting - or at least flirting - with someone else! That's not being direct. That is being suspicious or accusatory. If I'd have been in your shoes I might have replied something like "easy tiger, where did that come from?" or something similar.

I think the point is after a year, he has never sent a text like that to you and now suddenly he does? Yes, I would be a bit as well and asked if the text was intended for me. I don’t see that as much different to asking if he was speaking to someone else.
But I am single so what do I know? I am surprised at the number of people who think an out of character text of these emojis is just fine, though, and nothing to ask about.

[quote KeyboardCat]You're not alone OP. Here's the Stonehenge thread!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4463294-Odd-text-message-from-partner[/quote]
Straight out of Thomas Hardy

Once discovered, Angel and Tess move directly north until they reach the ancient monoliths of Stonehenge. Tess feels that her freedom is limited and her end is near, so she has Angel promise to marry Liza Lu after her death. Now that it is night and the two are tired, Tess sleeps on one of the "altars" of stone. Near daybreak, the two are surrounded by police who take Tess into custody. For her part, Tess is glad that the end has come, and she goes with the police willingly

What-I-would-have-saids are irrelevant, and theoretical. OP said what she said (in text) and his response was angry and defensive - which suggests he has been caught out. Unpleasant.

It’s only an accusation if he chooses to see it as one. Someone else could imply anything. It could imply it was a friend/family member esp as the response was just a load of emojis.
It would be an accusation if she’d said “are you talking to another woman?”

If my DP sent me a load of emogis I would ask him wtf he was on about and would inwardly wonder if he was talking to someone else, which didn’t necessarily mean another woman. If his response was to dump me I would consider I’d had a lucky escape.

And having never indulged in sexting in my life I had no idea that an eggplant apparently was a penis or that emogis along those lines are flirtatious.

@AlternativePerspective

It’s only an accusation if he chooses to see it as one. Someone else could imply anything. It could imply it was a friend/family member esp as the response was just a load of emojis. It would be an accusation if she’d said “are you talking to another woman?”

If my DP sent me a load of emogis I would ask him wtf he was on about and would inwardly wonder if he was talking to someone else, which didn’t necessarily mean another woman. If his response was to dump me I would consider I’d had a lucky escape.

Did you look at the emoji’s he sent?? If he was sending those to family members there’s a bigger problem than cheating going on here

It was clearly an accusation

YANBU to ask. The context of him never sending emojis and the string of emojis including the aubergine in response to a “good night” is strange.
If my DH sent those I would think he had someone else using his phone and taking the piss (unlikely).
He is offended instead of having a proper chat about it. I think you’re not suitable for each other. You should be able to have conversations without someone taking huge offence.

This isn’t a new relationship, after a year ( assuming it’s not a long distance one) you know each other and noticed it was odd and asked him straight up ( lots of women are too scared to just bloody ask a man a straight question)

He is either getting. Sexy with another woman or trying to get sexy with you which is not your usual style of communication
I think if he wants to start late night sexy talk with you you may be the wrong woman for him ??

[quote wasiwrongtoask]@frazzledasarock never had a reason to question him before and now he seems to be suggesting that things are over. However I haven't apologised just sad that I didn't intend to offend him, which I really didn't. But I do think that to ask was reasonable [/quote]
Some, no a lot of, people would be offended at being accused of cheating, which frankly you did. You definitely owe him an apology.

It was an emoji, we sometimes send each other random emojis, for no particular reason. I guess there was a first time too and it didn’t spiral into accusations of cheating.

If he doesn't send you emojis then he is hardly going to be sending them to someone else. You either do, or you don't!
You said "goodnight" He's probably been drunk and just pressed a load of them being daft in return.
It's not like you just received them out of the blue in the middle of the day.
That is such a HUGE leap to cheating. And I'm a paranoid type!

fgs ignore the misogynists who think women should apologise for everything. Maybe one day soon MN will catch up with their modding and ban the lot of them.

I also think it’s a huge overreaction, sorry OP. If I sent that set of emojis to my partner and their first thought was that I was cheating on them, then I would probably question the relationship too tbh.

Definitely looks like he’s saying he wants a blowjob.

This is why I'm perennially single.

Never in a million years would I have interpreted that as code for "I want a blowjob".

OP trust your gut on this one. It seems the vast majority of people responding on this thread aren't familiar with emoji sexting.

Star eyes followed by aubergine means your sexy picture has given me a hard on, certainly not a response to goodnight!

His response to being caught out is also a massive red flag.

'I love you and I want a blow job'. So that's love is it?

@Catsandslippers thank you!!!! You get it

Do the people saying that the op is overreacting lack imagination about others relationships. For some people this would be a questionable message. The only time my husband would send an aubergine emoji is if we were discussing what to have for dinner and moussaka was an option. For some couples sexy emojis are just not a thing.

I agree with OP that this is a bit suspicious. It looks like a response to a photo to me too.

@WhyMeLord

Was there any mention of Stonehenge?

@WhyMeLord 😂😂😂😂

Ignore all the PPs telling you that you're paranoid or overreacting or aren't "cool girlfriend" enough for whatever other reason. You are obviously alert to potential red flags, have strong boundaries and aren’t afraid to raise issues in a direct manner in a relationship. Good on you!

If this is very different to the style of communication that usually exists between the two of you (and it would be completely out of character for my DH and I too so I get that) then it’s definitely not paranoid to wonder whether this was actually intended for a different recipient. Especially given that it makes zero sense as a response to your “goodnight”. It would however make sense as a response to a sexy picture. I’d have questioned that too. His reaction to your questioning is just a massive red flag in itself.

I think a lot of PPs just don’t understand how jarring this message would be to receive if you don’t use emojis and do sexting. One PP even said “well me and my partner send each other emojis and I think you’re overreacting” - yes, because that’s your usual texting style. It stands out like a sore thumb if this isn’t the way your partner usually communicates and that obviously raises questions.

If my DH sent that to me I would also ask "did you mean to send that to me?"
It's quite weird to suddenly send to someone if you've never sent emojis before??

If it was innocent surely he would have just replied "yes of course it was meant for you, I was just trying out emojis/being cute" or whatever.

@Pushmepullyou

I would read that as he loves you and wants a blow job

That is exactly my thoughts