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Original poster

Found his message unusual and now he seems to have taken offence that I questioned it

189 replies

wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 10:57

I have been seeing someone for almost a year now and last night his last message seemed a bit unusual. I sent a text to say good night and he responded with a number of emojis. He is very articulate and not usually big on these and they included an aubergine 🍆 which I found odd so I asked if he was talking to someone else pointing out that it was unusual. He has now taken offence and was very defensive. Was I BU to ask?

OP posts:
PiesNotGuys · 30/01/2022 12:18

I can understand your point OP. That’s not how you communicate and so it might not have been meant for you.

No man I’ve been seeing has ever sent me a text with an emoji, ever. It would seem strange to me and it’s a very out of context response to ‘goodnight’

I think you are right tbh, and the defensive response points that way too.

Skeumorph · 30/01/2022 12:18

These replies seem purposefully shitty.

So after a year you know what someone's 'style' is and yep, if he does not typically - or ever! - reply to a goodnight with a string of emojis like that then it's absolutely WTF? time.

And so you look at the message with the aubergine after the stars in eyes etc and yep, absolutely that totally indicates that it's supposed to be a response to seeing a sexy pic. It most certainly isn't a response to a goodnight.

Honestly I would think exactly the same as op. Might not have said so though.

But then he's super defensive in response to Qs and jumps to 'it's over' -?

Ok, caught out.

dump and move on OP. I'm with you on this one.

LittleWins · 30/01/2022 12:19

[quote wasiwrongtoask]@LittleWins yes a lot of people do but it's out of the ordinary for him. I think it's the fact that it out of the ordinary and not his usual'pattern' of communication that made me question it [/quote]
I get that but how you ask is so important and you’re talking about his reaction here too. I would be so hurt to be accused of connecting with others.

Do you think he’s cheating? Is there more to this?

ChickenStripper · 30/01/2022 12:19

[quote wasiwrongtoask]@LawnFever but it's the fact it seemed out of context, was it wrong to ask in those circumstances?[/quote]
It's not out of context is you have been seeing him for a year and having sex with him. It's an unfortunate in your eyes statement of how attracted he is to you .

Branleuse · 30/01/2022 12:21

id wonder if it was meant for someone else too. I wouldnt accuse immediately though, but i definitely would dig a little

Arbeity · 30/01/2022 12:22

If it is out of the ordinary for him, then why would he text it to someone else? Especially if you haven't been together that long.

If he was out drinking, my first thought would probably be that a mate has gotten hold of his phone. Or perhaps he had the Dutch courage to try to initiate a bit of sexting?

And yes, I think you work will affect the conclusions you jump to. Tbh, I find that if I spend too much time on the relationships board here I do exactly the same. Hearing about men being dicks all the time makes you jump more quickly to that conclusion in the case of a misunderstanding

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 12:22

Asking why he sent it and asking if he was texting someone else are 2 separate things.

Exactly. One is being direct, the other is being accusatory.

Anniegetyourgun · 30/01/2022 12:22

It's not out of context is you have been seeing him for a year and having sex with him. It's an unfortunate in your eyes statement of how attracted he is to you .

If the OP has been seeing him for a year, you might assume she knows him slightly better than someone who has never seen or communicated with him at all - and yet you know exactly what he did and why Confused

TurquoiseBaubles · 30/01/2022 12:23

It's interesting that some posters are saying that you "accused" him of something.

I would like to know exactly what your text said that led to him suggesting that things are over.

If you said "that's a weird message, did you mean to send it to me" and his reply was to accuse you of accusing him of inappropriate behaviour and suggest you break up, then I suspect he was behaving inappropriately.

if your text said "what the hell does that mean, are you texting another woman, wtf", then maybe his reaction is understandable.

So what, exactly, have you sent him in reply?

ChickenStripper · 30/01/2022 12:25

@Anniegetyourgun

It's not out of context is you have been seeing him for a year and having sex with him. It's an unfortunate in your eyes statement of how attracted he is to you .

If the OP has been seeing him for a year, you might assume she knows him slightly better than someone who has never seen or communicated with him at all - and yet you know exactly what he did and why Confused

Just the same as any punter on here - making a suggestion and she obviously asked for that.
Chimen · 30/01/2022 12:25

What a massive leap from those messages to are you cheating on me?
You sound a bit paranoid and you’re failing to see it.

I think the BF is ending it because there is no doubt in my
mind this isn’t the first time you’ve acted paranoid.

TurquoiseBaubles · 30/01/2022 12:27

Did the op say "are you cheating on me"?

ballsdeep · 30/01/2022 12:27

@Pushmepullyou

I would read that as he loves you and wants a blow job
Me too.
Original poster
wasiwrongtoask · 30/01/2022 12:30

I sent 'Hmmmm unusual response, are you talking to someone else?'

OP posts:
WhenTheyComeForYou · 30/01/2022 12:32

Could he have been loosening up, having a laugh, and he's defensive now as he feels silly?

Maybe he was trying to be flirty and feels a bit foolish that you didn't go along with it...

Skeumorph · 30/01/2022 12:35

@wasiwrongtoask

I sent 'Hmmmm unusual response, are you talking to someone else?'
OP I think you know full well you caught him out.
TurquoiseBaubles · 30/01/2022 12:35

And his response to that was to get angry and threaten to break up?

Surely the response "sorry, I'm pissed" would have sufficed.

katepilar · 30/01/2022 12:35

I think its reasonable to ask if he doesnt usually sent you texts like this. There is nothing offensive about asking if it was was someone else. (I dont know enough emojis though, so wouldnt read it as sexual context.)

Skeumorph · 30/01/2022 12:37

I mean come on. Occam's razor.

If he was feeling like a bit of flirty texting with you then if he does not usually use emojis then a string of them ending with a bloody aubergine is not how I would imagine he would kick off.

Maybe an 'aw, goodnight is it? noooo too early Wink [star eyes] or whatever

ShinyHappyPoster · 30/01/2022 12:38

My DP never just sends emojis so I'd be surprised if he suddenly sent a string of emojis and would think he was chatting to someone else too. There are some people you send emojis to, and some people you don't.

He shouldn't have taken offence. He must know that he doesn't usually send you emojis so it was out of character.

MB58 · 30/01/2022 12:39

@WhyMeLord Grin

Hshuznw · 30/01/2022 12:39

OP I think you know full well you caught him out

Err nope! It sounds like OP is immediately accusing.

You know, sometimes, just sometimes, it is possible to get it wrong and accuse a guy of cheating when he’s done no such thing.

ahcmonnow · 30/01/2022 12:39

Absolutely ridiculous, massive overreaction.

kittymamma · 30/01/2022 12:40

@wasiwrongtoask

I sent 'Hmmmm unusual response, are you talking to someone else?'
Does sound a little like an accusation.

I would have called him out on it sounding odd though too. With a simple "was that for me?"

He sounds like he has overreacted though, so you might be best rid of him. I mean, he is either up to something and highly defensive about stuff or extremely sensitive. From one direct person to another, you don't need the emotional labour that goes into managing the feelings of the over-sensitive if you are naturally quite direct. It is exhausting, or he will toughen up but there will be some real disagreements on the way (my husband did, but he was less sensitive than this to start with).

heelforheelandtoefortoe · 30/01/2022 12:41

There's been a few threads like this.

Its boring.

Must be some bored kids with nothing to do.

Swipe left for the next trending thread