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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH leaving without saying goodbye

169 replies

Beetlebum1981 · 30/01/2022 09:54

DH said yesterday he wanted to go for a bike ride this morning. He's been looking up routes this AM & I came upstairs to get showered, sort kids out. Just looked out the window and he's cycling off - no goodbye, no letting me know how long he's going out for just an expectation that I & the kids will be ready to go out this afternoon. It hacks me off because I can't plan anything & personally it's just plain rude. His response when I get cross is that I knew he was going for a bike ride and I'm jealous of him getting some free time. AIBU?

OP posts:
biggirlknickers · 30/01/2022 09:59

Rude. I’d be hacked off.

silkience · 30/01/2022 09:59

That is very rude. Why would he think you'd be jealous, presumably you can also go off for a few hours at the weekend while he spends time with the kids?

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 30/01/2022 10:01

DH and I also like cycling but we'll say bye and how long we'll be away for, often what rough route we're doing.

If you don't need to be doing anything until, say, 3pm why not take the kids somewhere for lunch or cafe etc to get out the house?

Do you get an equal chance to do your own hobbies?

Mrsjayy · 30/01/2022 10:04

Your husband is one of them whatchacallem ...oh yeah arse hole! I don't know how you are planning to sort it with him he seems to think he is above you I mean who says that to their partner .

cheekychaplin · 30/01/2022 10:05

It's really weird. I know a couple that have been married for 25 years and on weekends she never knows what is going on because 'if he puts his shoes on I know we are going out'. At best it's bad communication, but it shows an element of control that nobody needs.

TillyTopper · 30/01/2022 10:05

Well I hope you also wander off without letting him know so he can look after the kids sometimes as well! But why wait for him? I'd plan what I wanted to do, whatsapp him to let him know (more courtesy then he's shown you) and then do it.

Howshouldibehave · 30/01/2022 10:09

just an expectation that I & the kids will be ready to go out this afternoon

How do you know that? Do you want to go out this afternoon?

LawnFever · 30/01/2022 10:09

It’s just rude not to say bye.

What are you supposed to be doing this afternoon? I’d be tempted to not be ready or just go out with the kids and do whatever you want and when he complains tell him since he buggered off without any indication of what the fuck was happening you made your own plans.

LawnFever · 30/01/2022 10:10

Or, get yourself ready and the minute he steps back in the door you go out leaving him with the kids the rest of the day.

Original poster
Beetlebum1981 · 30/01/2022 10:23

We're in the process of renovating a house so he had mentioned looking at kitchens this afternoon. I'm stuck here at the moment as his parents are coming over about 11.30.

I'm just glad to see it's not just me who thinks it's rude!

OP posts:
Planetzero · 30/01/2022 10:27

Will he be there for his parents at 11.30?

Mrsjayy · 30/01/2022 10:30

Will he be back for his parents or do you have to sort that out ?

arethereanyleftatall · 30/01/2022 10:30

You've only told us a little bit of info about your life op, but so far, literally everything you've written seems extremely unhealthy relationship wise.

Howshouldibehave · 30/01/2022 10:30

[quote Planetzero]Will he be there for his parents at 11.30?[/quote]
Yes, exactly! Is he leaving you with the kids to entertain your parents?!

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 30/01/2022 10:34

bugger off out without him...maybe not today, as the ILs are coming, but really!!

I bet he doesn't have a key so next time he does it gather up the children and go for a lovely long walk, also be a shame if you left your phone at home

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2022 10:35

I hope he's back before they arrive.

If not, that would be the last time because I'd go out anyway.

Gatehouse77 · 30/01/2022 10:35

I’d be inclined to let him take the kids to look at kitchens whilst I went off somewhere else…

Original poster
Beetlebum1981 · 30/01/2022 10:36

To be fair, he's pretty good on the whole. It's just when he's off out to do one of his sports he gets so caught up in getting everything ready and wants to get going that he buggers off with saying good bye/what time he'll be back.

No idea if he'll be back in time to see his parents, they live close by and I get on with them really well so it's not a massive problem but he's the one who's arranged it. I just wish he'd see that he's being rude on these occasions and I'm not a complete nag!

OP posts:
Tal45 · 30/01/2022 10:37

God I'd go out with the kids for the whole day and don't tell him anything, why should you wait around for his parents while he just goes off without giving you a second thought.

SkankingMopoke · 30/01/2022 10:39

I'd be getting the DCs ready and heading off with them for a fun outing for an unspecified amount of time. Let him deal with the fall out if he's not back in time for his parents. You have clearly previously explained this isn't OK, and he's carried on doing it. He needs to learn by experiencing first hand why it is a problem. Then next week get out on your own as he's donning the lycra.

Coffeetree · 30/01/2022 10:39

Absolutely bugger off now with kids! Text DH, "Oh right, I'm assuming you've cancelled your parents, since you've gone. I'm taking kids to cafe whatever."

When ILs arrive they'll either face an empty house on DH on his own. Not your problem.

godmum56 · 30/01/2022 10:40

I think that's rude and a bit unloving. I'd be planning my own day and bugger him, also I'd be behaving to him in the same way, just leaving the kids with him and vanishing without a word and seeing how he likes it. I get it may just be thoiughtlessness but that's no excuse. Its also a terrible example to set the children.

Howshouldibehave · 30/01/2022 10:41

@Coffeetree

Absolutely bugger off now with kids! Text DH, "Oh right, I'm assuming you've cancelled your parents, since you've gone. I'm taking kids to cafe whatever."

When ILs arrive they'll either face an empty house on DH on his own. Not your problem.

This. He’s being really rude to you and his parents. Unless you do/say something to inconvenience him-he won’t get that.
AngelinaFibres · 30/01/2022 10:41

@Beetlebum1981

We're in the process of renovating a house so he had mentioned looking at kitchens this afternoon. I'm stuck here at the moment as his parents are coming over about 11.30.

I'm just glad to see it's not just me who thinks it's rude!

Rude that he just went Presumably he will be back for 11.30 as they are his parents If they are coming to see you as a family then you wouldn't be going out anyway ? Go online to the kitchen website, make a coffee ,look at stuff and get an idea of what you like before you go......accidentally wander unto mumsnet instead SmileSmile
roastingmichael · 30/01/2022 10:43

I'd be tempted to ask his parents to watch the kids and fuck off out myself.

Go and see a film or whatever you want to do. Next weekend, get up before him, shout goodbye and drive/walk off.

You only need to do that a couple of times before he gets the picture even if he's really stupid.

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