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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people that rely on inheritance don't deserve any?

200 replies

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 29/01/2022 19:32

I have a friend (we are not close friends really acquaintances) that basically said her parents relied on inheritance to pay off debts and basically sort their lives out.

Issue is now that her grandparents have outlived their expectations so they are now having to sell the house and are in more debt than they anticipated.

AIBU to think it's disgusting to plan a timeline for an event like this? And it serves them right and I hope the money gets spent on something else?

Inheritance is something that you should consider and addition to your life, not a reliance.

AIBU?

OP posts:

CheddarTheDog · 30/01/2022 10:13

One of my siblings has disowned my parents, me and our other sibling because an unexpected tragedy happened and there now won’t be an inheritance at all. Me and my other sibling have already committed to supporting my parents in any and every way we can. But then we’d not planned our lives around what DP would leave us, especially as our parents are very young (we’re in our 30s, parents are in their 50s).

I think there’s a difference between knowing one day you’ll probably inherit a decent amount and be able to breathe a bit easier, and actually being irresponsible because you’re expecting to be able to wipe the slate clean so you can do whatever you want now.

I also have a slightly different view in that I’ll help DD as much as I can while I’m alive. I see it as what’s the point of having money if I’m not earning it to make the people I love lives easier.

TheGoogleMum · 30/01/2022 10:18

Yanbu I don't think inheritance should form part of a financial plan, people can live much longer than expected and as others have said care home fees could eat it all up anyway. I had a relative die in her 90s she didn't want to sell home for care home fees to diminisher sons inheritance but her son was in his 70s he said he really didn't need the money!

SamphiretheStickerist · 30/01/2022 10:19

@Fairyliz

Only on MN does everyone want their parents to spend every penny of their money and get equity release on their house having a ‘good time’. Nobody ever thinks about possibly getting a nice little inheritance and being able to pay off their mortgage

Only on MN does everyone have parents who actually have any assets at all!

MadameFantabulosa · 30/01/2022 10:22

I have a friend who has no pension, beyond a state pension, and was relying on “a big fat inheritance” instead of a pension. Unfortunately for her, her parents had to sell their home to pay for care home fees. They’ve been there for 10 years now so I imagine that has eaten away at a sizeable chunk of her inheritance.

makkapacca · 30/01/2022 10:43

It’s stupid to rely on an inheritance. My friends family had been told all their lives that when grandma and grampa die the house is going to the grandkids. When their grampa died their grandma had Alzheimer’s and the house had to be sold to pay for her care. The grandchildren got about £5k each instead of the £50k they “should” have got

50k is hardly anything to wait for anyway. A nice sum yes and I don't have it handy but these days it doesn't get you alot and certainly not a sum waiting ''all their lives for''. It's not exactly a life changing amount.

NovemberRain2 · 30/01/2022 10:47

YANBU. My SIL had 2 kids with no proper job or anywhere to live because she was confident that her parents and her DP's parents would give them early inheritance. Which they did.

Meanwhile DH and I stopped at one child because we are being financially responsible, paying our own bills etc.

I'm glad I'm financially independent etc but her laziness and self entitlement gives me the rage.

Original poster

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 30/01/2022 10:50

@zingally I sound jealous of someone that's having to sell their house because they haven't inherited what they expected and are now in debt without a clear plan of how they repay it? And I sound jealous of that?!!!

How did you sum that one up?!!

OP posts:

ArchibaldsDaddy · 30/01/2022 10:51

I think it’s rather none of your business…

The risk/uncertainty that people want to put into their own finances is up to themselves.

Our family have made some decisions based on the presumption of a substantial inheritance - but not to the point where we need a timeframe to be met (I’m not sending my parents on a one-way holiday to Syria just quite yet).

Original poster

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 30/01/2022 10:53

Can I also make my point very clear as some posters have entirely misunderstood.

People should absolutely make provision for their death and have things in order. I am not suggesting people shouldn't discuss these things and plan for them, quite the opposite and I'd think it irresponsible not to do so.

What I found distasteful in this scenario is how someone was effectively 'banking' on their parents to die by a certain age to dig them out of their own shit plans. That's very distasteful IMO and not the same thing at all as planning and organising your finances for when you die.

OP posts:

FreedomFaith · 30/01/2022 11:00

[quote sometimespeopletakethepiss]@zingally I sound jealous of someone that's having to sell their house because they haven't inherited what they expected and are now in debt without a clear plan of how they repay it? And I sound jealous of that?!!!

How did you sum that one up?!![/quote]
wow can't believe someone actually came to that conclusion. Where they drunk?

FreedomFaith · 30/01/2022 11:00

Were*

Alexandra2001 · 30/01/2022 11:04

I inherited the family home, very nice some might say but i'll tell you something i'd become destitute if i could just spend 1 day with my mum.
6 years later and i still find myself thinking "i'll just pop round and ask her this or that" and the other day baked a tart and cut her slice and then it hits you she ain't here.

Sure the financial security is great but behind (i would hope) these inheritances lies a significant amount of grief.

Maybe i'm being naïve?

crazyjinglist · 30/01/2022 11:38

This is for the handful of people who have admitted to factoring an inheritance into their retirement plans.

I do all my remaining parent's financial admin. I know that if he died tomorrow, I would inherit about half a million. However, if he lives just four more years that entire sum will have gone to his care home. And both those scenarios are perfectly realistic.

Yes, which is why it's perfectly sensible to take both possible scenarios into account when thinking about the future. I may well inherit maybe roughly x amount, in which case we might do x, but I may not, in which case we might do y. But some people seem to be suggesting it's callous, unpleasant and calculating to even think about what you might do in x scenario.

user313213521 · 30/01/2022 11:51

I never planned my life around inheritance, but it certainly dug me out of a tight spot that wasn't of my own making.

The people who really don't deserve an inheritance are the ones who do sod all for an elderly relative and then inherit equally, even when there's another beneficiary who has borne the brunt of caring responsibilities, perhaps even giving up work because of it.

dorkfink · 30/01/2022 11:56

Lots of people to plan to avoid inheritance tax so I guess in those circumstances you understand why people expect it

gogohm · 30/01/2022 12:04

It's daft but many do. I have around £500k in potential inheritance but I'm not counting on it, dementia could wipe the lot

Wotagain · 30/01/2022 12:28

@sometimespeopletakethepiss
watch out, your judgy pants are showing.
You know absolutely nothing about these people and how they came to be in debt. Maybe it accrued slowly over time, or maybe they blew thousands every year on champagne and designer gear.
At the end of the day It.Is.None.Of.Your.Business
Unless of course you are about to drip feed...

MrsDThomas · 30/01/2022 12:58

YABU because it has nothing to fo with you.
Mind your own bitter business

HandlebarLadyTash · 30/01/2022 13:06

@Onionpatch

It doesnt really matter if my children deserve an inheritance. I earned the money and its my choice what to do with it. Humans have a strong urge to provide for their children and grand children. Its one of the great motivators. I expect to pay for my own care but if i couldnt leave any left overs to my children Id be spending it faster. There is already inheritance tax at 40% over £325k. I'm a bit mythed at those huge multimillion pound trusts that seem to escape inheritance tax though. I do think a lot of people seem to ignore the really big wealth and almost cant even imagine it and focus on ordinary people leaving 50k.

Agree, the big wealth is ignored & the loopholes must be massive this needs sorting out.

makkapacca · 30/01/2022 14:52

I inherited the family home, very nice some might say but i'll tell you something i'd become destitute if i could just spend 1 day with my mum

easy to say such a thing and shows you have no experience of being poor, if you did you wouldn't be so quick to say that.

GnomeDePlume · 30/01/2022 16:48

@crazyjinglist

I just think that it is distasteful to go into detail about an inheritance when those bequeathing the money are very much alive and healthy.

What people with that point of view on these threads always seem to choose to wilfully ignore is the fact that loads of posters have parents who voluntarily and willingly talk about what they are going to leave to their adult children, and who like thinking about what benefits that will bring to their children after they've gone. Not everyone is as squeamish or emotional about discussing these things as some people are. Arguably it's a lot easier to talk about it in a fairly lighthearted way when they are still very much alive and healthy.

I agree with this. We are very open with our adult DCs. I want them to know there are life insurance policies, death in service benefit etc etc.

If DH and I were to die suddenly I dont want DCs having to pull the house apart trying to find out what there is and maybe missing out on a policy because they didnt know it existed.

They know where all our financial papers are kept. They know where our wills are kept and what our provisions are.

52andblue · 30/01/2022 17:59

@LonglegsMumtheBlacksmith

I think it's a bit unseemly to rely on it happening by a certain date so that you can pay off debts. However, there are a lot of people who simply cannot afford to do things like buy a house until someone else dies. It doesn't make them less deserving, it's just a fact.

There's a difference between cautiously planning for an inheritance that you know you are due at some point in the future and gleefully rubbing your hands together whilst waiting for someone to croak it.

Perfectly put !

blyn72 · 30/01/2022 18:08

@Darbs76

It’s a bit silly to rely on it at a certain point to pay debts off. I don’t think it’s bad to think at some point you’ll most likely get one and can pay off your mortgage etc.

I feel the same. It's comforting to know you'll come into some money eventually, in the meantime you have to get on with managing what you have. As long as people are honest and kind, I don't care what they think about inheritances.

DesdemonaDryEyes · 30/01/2022 18:26

I’m currently enjoying my inheritance.

Allowed me to give up work and treat my daughter.

daisyjgrey · 30/01/2022 19:56

I think it's probably not any of your business.

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