To think people that rely on inheritance don't deserve any?

[sometimespeopletakethepiss]

I have a friend (we are not close friends really acquaintances) that basically said her parents relied on inheritance to pay off debts and basically sort their lives out.

Issue is now that her grandparents have outlived their expectations so they are now having to sell the house and are in more debt than they anticipated.

AIBU to think it's disgusting to plan a timeline for an event like this? And it serves them right and I hope the money gets spent on something else?

Inheritance is something that you should consider and addition to your life, not a reliance.

AIBU?

It doesnt really matter if my children deserve an inheritance. I earned the money and its my choice what to do with it. Humans have a strong urge to provide for their children and grand children. Its one of the great motivators. I expect to pay for my own care but if i couldnt leave any left overs to my children Id be spending it faster. There is already inheritance tax at 40% over £325k. I'm a bit mythed at those huge multimillion pound trusts that seem to escape inheritance tax though. I do think a lot of people seem to ignore the really big wealth and almost cant even imagine it and focus on ordinary people leaving 50k.

I know a couple of people who haven't bothered building a proper career because they have expectations of large inheritance. They continually tap the parents for money.

I have a niece who has been married 30 plus years, her husband saw where she lived and zoomed in on her, it's very much not gone to plan. Everyone in the family could see it.

My Mum died last year, her estate is small and I have siblings. We would have gladly forfeited inheritance to have her admitted into care, which she needed last year.

Why are you getting so het up about an acquaintance OP, you sound very bitter.

Exactly. I know some cheeky people who ask for their inheritance whilst their parents are alive.

There is a strange thing on mumsnet - almost an anger from some of people get anything from their parents.

People will always come on and say they left home at 18 and think it’s disgusting that some parents pay towards university, provide a home for their children into their twenties or help with house deposits.

Will are the same. Jealousy and outrage. It’s not disgusting that people know they are likely to inherit from their parents. It doesn’t mean you want them to die.

OP I think you need to think about why this annoys you so much. It doesn’t impact you at all - and is none of your business

This is for the handful of people who have admitted to factoring an inheritance into their retirement plans.

I do all my remaining parent's financial admin. I know that if he died tomorrow, I would inherit about half a million. However, if he lives just four more years that entire sum will have gone to his care home. And both those scenarios are perfectly realistic.

That's why it's really daft to rely on it. Dad would be horrified if he knew how fast "my inheritance" is disappearing. But he's safe, comfortable and well cared for, which is fine by me.

There is a spectrum. Some people are distasteful or naive but sensible discussions about elderly care, inheritance etc are useful to do. Age and death are realities and some of the realities are not particularly pleasant.

My own parents had me relatively late. We have discussed and sorted power of attorney, have seen and discussed wills etc.

Both are in poor health and the chances of them making their 90s are slim but I’d say there is a 50% chance of a very large care bill and zero inheritance and a 50% chance of a substantial one.

If parent A dies first, parent B would need supported living as a minimum, possibly an even higher level of care immediately. Parent B could easily spend an entire house in care fees and we would likely need to invoke powers of attorney. There would be questions about how long the money would last etc. The house would probably give a decade of a care home but money might eventually run out.

If parent B died, parent A would be fine. May well need care at end of life but otherwise would be very capable of living independently.

The inheritance is the least of my worries.my biggest concern will be the welfare of parent B if A died and the fact that I have my own young family, busy job and limited ability to take on the responsibility as live some distance away. The loss of inheritance pales into insignificance with the potential issues. I am utterly terrified as to what will happen if Parent A declines or dies first.

@SonicBroom
Thank you x

It’s stupid to rely on an inheritance. My friends family had been told all their lives that when grandma and grampa die the house is going to the grandkids. When their grampa died their grandma had Alzheimer’s and the house had to be sold to pay for her care. The grandchildren got about £5k each instead of the £50k they “should” have got.

There’s a difference between actively hoping for or counting on, an inheritance, and assuming you’ll get something - if care costs don’t eat the whole lot.

In families where there’s been no estrangement and relationships are good, I don’t see anything wrong with adult dcs assuming that they’ll probably get something - they may well have been told as much. As an older person myself, I like to think that what dh and I have been able to save, will go to make dds’ lives more comfortable.

As for hoping parents will spend it all before they go, I well remember urging my mother to spend more on herself. She just didn’t want to. She had sufficient for what she wanted - which wasn’t a lot - and evidently liked to think of her stash making her children’s lives easier. She used to say, ‘I’m only saving it for you lot.’ IMO she was always very conscious that her own DM had done the same, and she had carefully built on that relatively small inheritance in order to be able to pass it on likewise.

I now feel much the same. Dh and I have what we want, but we certainly have no desire to go and splurge a lot of money on expensive things like the sort of pools/lottery winner who used to end up in the papers for blowing the lot. Not that I’m talking millions, but the same applies.

My lovely mum scrimped and saved all her life to leave something for the kids. She ended up in care and all her money has been eaten up. I wish she had spent more on herself.

I know exactly what you mean Op
I have read threads on MN from posters who have already planned what they intend to do with an inheritance . Often ,there is a detailed description of what they intend to spend the money on; buying a house, paying school fees ,holidays. These are some of the things that have been mentioned on MN.
I just think that it is distasteful to go into detail about an inheritance when those ‘bequeathing
the money are very much alive and healthy.
I also wouldn’t rely on an inheritance because not only would funds be needed for any potential care, but people may not even be left anything

Its foolish to live in the expectation of it but fine to know irs there and you'll probably get it eventually. My father had spent years telling us about our inheritance. It's very important for him to think he will be passing it to us. All of us are in good enough financial situations anyway, although that's partly due to his help in the past with helping us buy properties etc.

Personally I'd far rather have my father alive (mother died some years back) than his money but I know it's there anyway. I dont actively rely on it - there's nothing I've especially planned to do with it but I see nothing wrong with people passing on their wealth (especially earned wealth) to their loved ones.

I would honestly hope that people who think they deserve an inheritance get a nasty shock when the parent dies and has cut them out of the will to leave everything to the local donkey sanctuary

It’s a pretty stupid financial planning strategy. I expect nothing but if I do get something it will be a bonus
My idiot brother has an interest only mortgage and thought once my mum dies he will have enough to pay it off. He was very annoyed when he found out that if she dies before sdad he has the right to stay there - he said we need to formulate a plan to get him out ASAP if that happens. My Mum has Parkinsons so will probably need care as well so basically my brother will be lucky to get anything

I just think that it is distasteful to go into detail about an inheritance when those bequeathing the money are very much alive and healthy.

What people with that point of view on these threads always seem to choose to wilfully ignore is the fact that loads of posters have parents who voluntarily and willingly talk about what they are going to leave to their adult children, and who like thinking about what benefits that will bring to their children after they've gone. Not everyone is as squeamish or emotional about discussing these things as some people are. Arguably it's a lot easier to talk about it in a fairly lighthearted way when they are still very much alive and healthy.

I don't think it's sensible to rely on inheritance when you don't know how long anyone will live or if they will need to pay for care. I think it's bizarre to suggest they don't deserve it though because it's nothing to do with being deserving or not.

It’s a high risk strategy to rely on it. Plus it might get eaten up in final years care.

All being well, my parents will likely pass away when I’m at retirement age. So I’m very much planning to take care of my own life requirements and make provisions for pensions in old age.
If they gave any money to pass on, it’ll go to my kids. They’ll be in their 40s and probably at a tone if life where it may come in handy. But... they don’t know this and I’ll certainly not be telling them. They’re being raised to be adults that are responsible for their own lives.

Why do you even care what this acquaintances parents get up to?

YABU and sound a bit jealous that some people are lucky enough to get decent inheritances and can make big changes to their lives with them.

To think people that rely on inheritance don't deserve any?

Well thats the entire British establishment and royal family isnt it.

my how different this country would be if they were not allowed to inherit the family piles, estates and other ill gotten gains for generation to generation.

I wonder what the government would be like today if for the last 200+ years they were forced to relinquish their stuff to the state upon death.

I had a friend who in his 20s told me he was happy to drift re career and was happy to do big house shares with strangers as when he was older he would buy a house from money his parents will leave him when they die… I thought it was a bit off as in my eyes you never know they might downsize to a tiny flat and want to spend their retirement going on 100s of cruises as would be their right! but I have no inheritance ever potentially coming my way so can’t understand in any way that thought process

@Lampzade

I know exactly what you mean Op I have read threads on MN from posters who have already planned what they intend to do with an inheritance . Often ,there is a detailed description of what they intend to spend the money on; buying a house, paying school fees ,holidays. These are some of the things that have been mentioned on MN. I just think that it is distasteful to go into detail about an inheritance when those ‘bequeathing the money are very much alive and healthy. I also wouldn’t rely on an inheritance because not only would funds be needed for any potential care, but people may not even be left anything

I assume that the people who think like this just haven’t had any experience of what happens when a parent/ grandparent needs care, and how fast that swallows up money. My grandmother went into a care home when I was a teenager, so I saw the whole process from her getting frailer, struggling at home, contact with adult social services, carers coming in three times a days, GM getting a bit frailer, the move to a care home, my mum and aunty clearing the house and it being sold, and most of the money going on care home fees. So I was well aware that there was no guarantee of an inheritance.

25 years later and I did the same for my mum. She died a couple of years ago and my sisters I got a few thousand each. But I think if you haven’t seen that happen in your family, if you think your parents will stay healthy and not be struck down by dementia meaning they can’t live at home safely, then you just assume you’ll get an inheritance when they die.

I've got money troubles and am in a lot of debt. I've very vaguely thought that an inheritance from my dad would sort the lot. That's a fact. But I've not planned my life around it and am trying to sort my problems myself.

@AnybodyAnywhere

I didn’t ‘rely’’ on inheritance which was sensible because my mother lived to 96 and I was near retirement when she died. But I did give up nearly 15 years of life looking after her. Long drives after work several times a week, most weekends taken up with her ‘needs’, no holidays, no life. I inherited a typical 1930’s semi and about £6k. I still got comments from one ‘friend’ who thought I was ‘lucky’ and it was unearned money 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had a mountain of debt due to the huge amount I had to spend on my mother and promotions I couldn’t take. So I guess you could say I did rely on the inheritance but I think I earned every penny of it so it’s a bit offensive to call it distasteful when you don’t know the circumstances.

I'm surprised you discussed the details of your financial situation with someone you describe as a 'friend' in inverted commas. None of their business. They'd probably be the type of person, if you were to win the lottery, and gave them some money they'd say "is that all?"

I'm not sure about relying on it but I live in a very mc area & I was quite surprised by how many people got earlier inheritances/huge chunks to move up the property ladder eg 200k plus.