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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people that rely on inheritance don't deserve any?

200 replies

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 29/01/2022 19:32

I have a friend (we are not close friends really acquaintances) that basically said her parents relied on inheritance to pay off debts and basically sort their lives out.

Issue is now that her grandparents have outlived their expectations so they are now having to sell the house and are in more debt than they anticipated.

AIBU to think it's disgusting to plan a timeline for an event like this? And it serves them right and I hope the money gets spent on something else?

Inheritance is something that you should consider and addition to your life, not a reliance.

AIBU?

OP posts:
maddening · 29/01/2022 21:48

I don't think deserving comes in to it, they don't deserve it either way, they have made a mistake financially to depend on the concept of inheritance, but that makes them stupid not evil.

Isahlo · 29/01/2022 21:49

@LonglegsMumtheBlacksmith

I think it's a bit unseemly to rely on it happening by a certain date so that you can pay off debts. However, there are a lot of people who simply cannot afford to do things like buy a house until someone else dies. It doesn't make them less deserving, it's just a fact.

There's a difference between cautiously planning for an inheritance that you know you are due at some point in the future and gleefully rubbing your hands together whilst waiting for someone to croak it.

This.
Garysmum · 29/01/2022 21:52

I stand to inherit a reasonable amount. If I don't get a penny that's fine but as I have a diease that means I may have to retire medically and may end up needing support, the money would be used so that I can live independently

MauveMavis · 29/01/2022 21:52

I don't know.

I think it's more irritating to have a friend whose parents live in a multi-million point main residence and also have several holiday homes in expensive locations who pretend that they don't have family money and a likely financial cushion heading their way.

Because obviously care for two people in their late eighties (one of whom has terminal cancer) will use up all of that resource.

crazyjinglist · 29/01/2022 21:59

@HeartTerriersyes us do for effectively planning around their parents death. It's strange, mean and distasteful to me.

I think it's foolish to rely on an inheritance, but unlike some (there have been threads like this before), I do not find it remotely 'strange, mean or distasteful' to discuss it or to think that it's fairly likely you will inherit money and to think about what you will do with it if you do.

I love my parents and get on very well with them. They are in their 70s and in pretty good health, and they perfectly cheerfully talk about us inheriting their belongings and money when they die. Everybody dies. Talking about it doesn't make it happen or mean that you don't care when it does happen! Refusing to talk about it doesn't stop it from happening.

Ostagazuzulum · 29/01/2022 22:02

They're stupid to rely on it. Apart from obvious moral reasons, what if parents went into care homes. Their money/ house value would need to pay for their care?

PriamFarrl · 29/01/2022 22:05

I stand to inherit rather a lot but I don’t assume I’m ever going to get it.
I’ve certainly not banked on it in anyway.

Aurorie11 · 29/01/2022 22:14

@fairyliz my DM is dead, and encouraging my DDad to spend what he has. He had a very deprived childhood and I want in his final years to spend without worrying. We aren't relying on inheritance we have provided for ourselves, if we do inherit looking at how we can pass it to kids, it will make much more difference to them than me and DH

Chickychoccyegg · 29/01/2022 22:53

I don't stand to inherit anything, I've always known that, and I really don't care.
I've never understood the people that expect to gain out of someone's death.

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 29/01/2022 23:03

My DF has always told me he wants me and my sibling to inherit. I can survive without it but he tells me approximately three or four times every year that it's all coming our way. I know there are no guarantees but if it happens I'll be more comfortably off than i am now. It's just facts. I'd rather have them here, but the fact is no-one lives forever. And I'd rather they don't hang around for years and suffer ill health. They don't want that either. They inherited a lot of it from their parents.
Am I supposed to pretend to myself that there is no possibility of them passing anything on?

Hugasauras · 29/01/2022 23:05

[quote crazyjinglist]**@HeartTerriersyes us do for effectively planning around their parents death. It's strange, mean and distasteful to me.

I think it's foolish to rely on an inheritance, but unlike some (there have been threads like this before), I do not find it remotely 'strange, mean or distasteful' to discuss it or to think that it's fairly likely you will inherit money and to think about what you will do with it if you do.

I love my parents and get on very well with them. They are in their 70s and in pretty good health, and they perfectly cheerfully talk about us inheriting their belongings and money when they die. Everybody dies. Talking about it doesn't make it happen or mean that you don't care when it does happen! Refusing to talk about it doesn't stop it from happening.[/quote]
Yep.

My mum is quite open about how much I stand to inherit. She keeps me updated with her financial planning, as some of it affects DD too as she has money invested for her, and what's in her will, etc. I haven't planned around it, but maybe haven't been quite as worried about pensions and stuff as I might have been otherwise.

It really doesn't have to be something distasteful that's never spoken about. For some people perhaps it is for whatever reason, but for other people it gives them happiness and peace to know that their children will be looked after when they're gone, no matter if they're long into adulthood or not.

Diversion · 29/01/2022 23:30

My Granny went into care many years ago and the house was sold to pay for this. My Mum was quite upset that she had no inheritance. My in laws have very recently both moved to a care home and I am happy that they are comfortable in their remaining time and would rather have this than their money. However, I would still rather that they had sorted out their belongings whilst they still had the capacity to do so. We have spent days and days sorting out their home, cleaning in preparation for their home being valued ready for sale which will pay for their care and sorting through endless amounts of paperwork from many years much of which is not important (supermarket shopping receipts from 2019, receipts for items from 2004, etc etc) and we haven't dared event look in the attic yet! Our time to us is more important than their money is to us.

Whattochoosenow · 29/01/2022 23:36

It’s none of your business ,OP.
Comparison is the stealer of joy.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/01/2022 23:38

Well, it’s not a very sensible approach to life.

But if inheritance were about deserving it the world would be a very different place!

FreedomFaith · 29/01/2022 23:45

They got themselves into debt hoping someone would die to fix their mistake? They are morons and deserved to lose their house, it was their own stupid fault.

And some people are saying yabu. Well we know who these weirdoes are now don't we? Hmm

I personally don't want or care if I 'benefit' from my parents dying, and don't see it as a benefit. Means I won't get to talk to them ever again. Having money or no mortgage makes no difference in comparison. Plus I actually plan my life a bit better and don't buy a house I can't afford or buy shit I can't afford.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 29/01/2022 23:58

None of anyone's business but their own.

HermioneGrangersHair · 29/01/2022 23:59

@AuntyBumBum

We've absolutely planned our retirement around it, it would be crazy not to.
What if care home fees take it all, how will you cope then.. ? I
PickAChew · 30/01/2022 00:02

I can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to think like this.

DoctorManhattan · 30/01/2022 00:04

@Hugasauras

I stand to inherit quite a lot but I would rather have my mum around for as long as humanly possible. Sadly she has Stage 4 cancer, but I would trade every penny of inheritance if it would fuck off.

I think people like in your OP are not particularly common.

My friend was in this situation. His mother (single parent, and he’s an only child) died last year and he became a very wealthy man overnight, with the option to retire in his early 40s. However he’d trade that in the blink of an eye if it brought her back.

I too have a wealthy family and stand to inherit a lot. It’s actually a topic that was brought up tonight as I was out for a beer with my father. My stance on it hasn’t changed in the last 25 years; if he decides tomorrow he wants to donate it all to research into monkey haemorrhoids, that’s his choice and I’ll respect it. There’s certainly no expectations on my side.

Some people see it like a lottery win of sorts, but for many it’s a bittersweet thing and personally I think I’d struggle to know what to do with the money I saw him working and sweating long hours to make through my childhood and adolescence. Probably pass it on to my son and hope there’s little enough emotional investment on his part that he can enjoy it and enrich his life.

Mayorquimby2 · 30/01/2022 00:04

I think it depends what you mean by relying on it.

Buying an 80k range Rover or way over extending on a house because you think your mum will pop her clogs in 4 years and it she doesn't you're fucked is very different to estate planning when you're fairly certain you'll inherit a million in the next 7-15 years and planning on his that will effect your decisions.

HalfCakeHalfBiscuit · 30/01/2022 00:11

This reply has been deleted

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Kite22 · 30/01/2022 00:13

It's not that straightforward is it?

Without knowing the reason for their debt / money troubles.
I mean, it is never a good strategy to get into debt in the first place, but life sometimes takes turns that are beyond your control. Being aware that you are likely to inherit at some point isn't that heinous a crime..... not really reaching the "disgusting" heights.
Nor is inheritance much to do with what anyone "deserves".

LucyfurMorningstar · 30/01/2022 00:17

I buried my father on my credit card 14 years ago. I'm still paying it back. I was happy to do it. We don't all get richer on a parents death.

AnotherRandomUsernom · 30/01/2022 00:18

My brother has spent his entire life relying on inheritance. Scrounged off my mother until she died. Flirted and smooth talked the solicitor to get what he wanted from her inheritance. Told me that he didn’t intend to spend his life working and went on to worm his way into another relatives life. They died and left my brother a fortune. My brother has never worked, done lots of travelling etc. but he’s unhappy, looks physically unhealthy and is a mentally ill.

Chocaholic9 · 30/01/2022 00:21

I agree there's something very grim and tasteless about planning a life around your inheritance. My brother (who is in debt) said to my father a while back, "when are you going to die? I need my inheritance." My dad is in his 60s and in good health. I thought it was a disgusting thing to say. I have loads of siblings and my dad doesn't have a lot either, so after half of it goes to his partner, none of us are going to get much anyway.