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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people that rely on inheritance don't deserve any?

200 replies

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 29/01/2022 19:32

I have a friend (we are not close friends really acquaintances) that basically said her parents relied on inheritance to pay off debts and basically sort their lives out.

Issue is now that her grandparents have outlived their expectations so they are now having to sell the house and are in more debt than they anticipated.

AIBU to think it's disgusting to plan a timeline for an event like this? And it serves them right and I hope the money gets spent on something else?

Inheritance is something that you should consider and addition to your life, not a reliance.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PurBal · 30/01/2022 07:20

How people manage their finances is up to them

sandgrown · 30/01/2022 07:21

I am a parent who will leave only my house as I fully intend to spend anything else having a good time if I am able. I hope my children are not waiting for me to die though we do joke about it ! I have told them there will be no home fees as I am going to live with them😂

luckylavender · 30/01/2022 07:22

@BrambleRoses

I take a different view to the majority on here.

I think for most of us, unless we are unlucky, we will outlive our parents / grandparents and in most cases will get some money, even if it isn’t as much as it would have been because of care fees. And in some cases, there won’t be care fees at all.

I don’t think it’s really a bad thing to have it in your planning. We are considering private schools for DC and one factor in that is we know when things are really expensive (both in senior) there may well be an inheritance to soften the blow, which is not the same as wanting PIL dead! We just know it will happen, I suppose.

But you absolutely can't know it will happen. Care homes, they may live longer that your children's education or they may change their wills.
HardbackWriter · 30/01/2022 07:33

I don't really understand how it's even possible to plan around an inheritance unless the person is literally currently dying. If I think about family members (fortunately I still have my parents) they've died at ages ranging between 56 and 102, with lots in their 70s and then lots in their 90s. I very much hope that my parents are at the older end of that scale, which would make me in my 60s. How could I possibly plan anything around the possibility of some money at some point in the next 30 years, even if I wanted to?

DaveGrohl · 30/01/2022 07:35

Our financial advisor asked about potential inheritance when he was planning our investments but we refused to put in a provisional amount. To his surprise. We said that we wanted to plan for the future never assuming anything would come our way.

DrSbaitso · 30/01/2022 07:43

It's very foolish and risky, but it's likely to be its own undoing since so many people have to sell their homes to pay for care. And I agree with PPs that having an expectation of some sort of inheritance, if your parents are secure, isn't the same thing as wishing them dead.

I don't think there's any call for this kind of moralistic outrage about it, especially if it doesn't concern you. Families take different approaches to this and other than giving you an opportunity to feel like a superior human, it really serves no purpose.

Choccorocco · 30/01/2022 07:44

OP you sound angry - what’s going on? Just because someone is counting on using an inheritance doesn’t make it disgusting?! I agree with Pp that it may be naive since there may not be enough left after care home costs etc so planning to use the money to pay off debts is foolish.
I told my parents to spend all of their money and they may well do, but I am working hard to try to leave some for my children (or better still, plan effectively, pay for their and any grandchildren’s education, house deposit, end get my pot to zero by the time I pass on). I can’t see anything wrong with passing on earnings or family money to the next generation so am surprised by the moral high ground attitude here of some pp. Just because you get an inheritance doesn’t mean you want someone to perish for goodness sake!
Is it their attitude which is distasteful, or simply the fact that they have made plans for some money coming their way that you don’t like? If it’s the first then perhaps YANBU, but if it’s simply the latter then tbh you sound a bit envious.

Coffeetree · 30/01/2022 07:45

Yes I've had the same experience with financial advisor. Trying to get a figure of anticipated inheritance! Madness.

godmum56 · 30/01/2022 07:47

well they are silly to rely on it but that doesn't make them undeserving....

WindyRose · 30/01/2022 07:48

After the sudden death of her DM, someone I know quickly proceeded with house renovations, car, furniture etc etc (apparently this plan had been in place for years...just waiting for DM to die as a loan request had been turned down).

With work completed and new items purchased, the Will was finalised and this person didn't 'get what they expected' and was left with a huge bill so had to go begging to the bank for an overdraft.

Counting chickens, comes to mind, as does 'egg on your face'. Sad, but true, story!

aurynne · 30/01/2022 07:49

Money, investments, companies and properties only become "inheritance" after the owner dies.

Until then, they are someone's belongings. For them to do as they please with them.

I hate when people talk about "inheritance" when the people who own whatever they expect to get are still alive. It's so grabby and disrespectful. It's just someone else's stuff. Not yours.

wildlifeobserver1 · 30/01/2022 07:50

YANBU.
I think it’s strange feeling entitled to someone’s money (even if they’re family!). Someone I know didn't want their grandmother wouldn’t to go to a home because it’d eat into the inheritance they were expecting to get Hmm

SonicBroom · 30/01/2022 07:57

I can’t see anything wrong with passing on earnings or family money to the next generation so am surprised by the moral high ground attitude here of some pp

In principle nor do I but I think gaps have widened too far in our society and inheritance exacerbates them. for example, how do you feel about the notion that some people who can afford care receive it fully tax payer funded, whilst others spend their life savings on it, depending on what illness you have? Meanwhile there are others who are lucky and never have to spend anything on social care at all? It’s a total lottery.

If the social care system was fixed and high quality care was universally available to everyone then I would be more in favour of inheritance. Personally however I think care should be pooled as all the other major costs are in life (benefits, healthcare, state pensions), with those who can pay more doing so.

At present though, I also think it should be funded by higher inheritance taxes rather than through additional costs on working age populations. The idea that one family can consolidate their wealth or privilege and pass it through generations whilst others suffer years in the hands of underfunded, underpaid and not fit for purpose social care system isn’t fit for purpose anymore.

I used to be hugely in favour of inheritance etc, but over the years I’ve seen how much wealth is concentrated and how some areas are so critically underprovided for.

I think we have to start acknowledging that all generations have to play a part in achieving greater equality and inheritance has to play a part in that conversation.

stayathomer · 30/01/2022 08:02

Yabu, just because they relied on it, doesn't mean they rubbed together their hands in glee waiting for it!! And you are being extra unreasonable even thinking that they don't deserve help just because they couldn't get there themselves. Nobody knows other people's thoughts or what goes on in the background.

malificent7 · 30/01/2022 08:04

I am going to say yabu. In this day and age the only way to get a large chunk for a house deposit is if someone dies and leaves you the house. It might be unsavory but it's a hard fact.
More importantly...why do you feel so strongly about this?

malificent7 · 30/01/2022 08:05

We got an inheritance to pay for our house but it was very bitter sweet as the person who died was much loved and we were very grateful.

GnomeDePlume · 30/01/2022 08:08

Encouraging parents to spend every last penny is a tricky one. It can go either way.

If it works out then it will look like lives well lived.

If it doesn't work out then parents could end up with the last few years of their lives in abject poverty having spent up all their money.

With modern pension arrangements which give individuals the freedom to manage their funds themselves I predict that the latter scenario will get more common. There will be large numbers of people having to make pension decisions without the financial knowledge to do so.

changeyourname11111 · 30/01/2022 08:08

My horrible exh tried to manipulate the divorce settlement amount in his favour saying I would inherit from my remaining parent.

Horrible man (my ex) - anyway his suggestion was roundly ignored by the involved lawyers.

Billandben444 · 30/01/2022 08:08

The idea that one family can consolidate their wealth or privilege and pass it through generations whilst others suffer years in the hands of underfunded, underpaid and not fit for purpose social care system isn’t fit for purpose anymore.
But most people only leave a few quid, they're not 'consolidating their wealth'. We're great believers in owning your own home and each generation has managed to leave enough to get someone started or help pay off some of their mortgage. My sister died a sudden death 4 years ago and I gave away half my unexpected inheritance (from the sale of her house) to my two adult children for this purpose. Surely everyone wants their children's lives to be easier financially.

cptartapp · 30/01/2022 08:08

Our financial planning has been done completely without any inheritance from PIL. It would however, make a big difference to our plans as they sit on pots of money spending nothing and doing everything on the cheap. Now that I don't understand. If care fees don't take it DH will most certainly enjoy it. I suspect they hope instead he'll stockpile it too and pass it on. No one ever enjoying it?!
My unexpected inheritance at 44 paid off our mortgage and is being invested for early retirement at 55. Both parents dead now though so bittersweet.

SonicBroom · 30/01/2022 08:08

@malificent7 do you think that inheritance is the solution to this though? IMO this is another way in which the concentration of wealth is exacerbated, particularly as it supports the extortionately high property market and fuels further price growth, thereby pushing houses further out of the reach of people who aren’t lucky enough to have rich parents.

(Disclaimer - former conservative voting home owner here who will likely inherit… so it’s not a jealousy thing!!)

Guacamole001 · 30/01/2022 08:11

Were they living extravagantly? It is all too easy to rack up debts if they have been struggling financially.

SonicBroom · 30/01/2022 08:14

@Billandben444 But most people only leave a few quid, they're not 'consolidating their wealth' I’m not really talking about these people. It’s the size of the wealth gaps that are the problem. Also, as I posted above, the problem is that property is unaffordable… therefore passing money on to people for the purpose of buying property just makes the problem worse and excludes more people who aren’t fortunate enough to receive an inheritance of any kind.

The majority of housing equity comes from unearned and untaxed house price inflation. Therefore the bigger house you bought the more money you made and the more you have to pass on within your family (tax free). That’s an issue in my mind that we should be correcting not fuelling.

Krakenchorus · 30/01/2022 08:15

No one 'deserves' to inherit. It is fundamentally unfair.

Most people who inherit benefit twice from their parents' relative wealth - once by growing up with the benefit of some money, and again as a payout when their parents pass away.

SonicBroom · 30/01/2022 08:15

And I’m sorry about your sister, that must have been a very difficult time and I’m sure your children were grateful for your choice.