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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people that rely on inheritance don't deserve any?

200 replies

sometimespeopletakethepiss · 29/01/2022 19:32

I have a friend (we are not close friends really acquaintances) that basically said her parents relied on inheritance to pay off debts and basically sort their lives out.

Issue is now that her grandparents have outlived their expectations so they are now having to sell the house and are in more debt than they anticipated.

AIBU to think it's disgusting to plan a timeline for an event like this? And it serves them right and I hope the money gets spent on something else?

Inheritance is something that you should consider and addition to your life, not a reliance.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JayAlfredPrufrock · 29/01/2022 19:47

It’s only an inheritance when you get it.

FabNotFat · 29/01/2022 19:47

I will inherit millions but do a very stressful job in healthcare as you just never know what is going to happen .
I have never relied on my future inheritance.

Original poster
sometimespeopletakethepiss · 29/01/2022 19:48

@HeartTerriers yes us do for effectively planning around their parents death. It's strange, mean and distasteful to me

OP posts:
Crazykatie · 29/01/2022 19:48

In many cases the old folks live so long that many children are into their 70s before inheritin, even GC can be 50. All the cash is tied up leaving the younger generations struggling, if only there was an easy solution.

Somethingsnappy · 29/01/2022 19:48

@GatoradeMeBitch

So an inheritance should only go to people if they can prove they don't need it?
Grin
Original poster
sometimespeopletakethepiss · 29/01/2022 19:49

@FabNotFat exactly. I completely agree with you.

OP posts:
AuntyBumBum · 29/01/2022 19:49

We've absolutely planned our retirement around it, it would be crazy not to.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 29/01/2022 19:50

If course it is irresponsible to rely on inheritance, but you are being rather nasty to will them ill.

Original poster
sometimespeopletakethepiss · 29/01/2022 19:50

@HomeHomeInTheRange I'm not wishing anyone ill but effectively they are!

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 29/01/2022 19:51

I think it's a daft thing to do. I've told me DS never to expect an inheritance as there may not be one. None of us have a crystal ball. No way of knowing whether care home fees will eat it all up. If there's any money left it's his but relying on it is pointless.

Porcupineintherough · 29/01/2022 19:53

[quote sometimespeopletakethepiss]@HomeHomeInTheRange I'm not wishing anyone ill but effectively they are! [/quote]
Well no, people are destined to die at some point.

AlDanvers · 29/01/2022 19:57

@Fairyliz

Only on MN does everyone want their parents to spend every penny of their money and get equity release on their house having a ‘good time’. Nobody ever thinks about possibly getting a nice little inheritance and being able to pay off their mortgage Hmm
I don't think thats true at all.

My mum died a few weeks ago. Dad is still here. I was always telling mu to soend more on herself.

Her bank account was released to dad and he gave me some. Putting it the bank broke my heart and I cant bring myself to spend it. When my dad goes I will get a small fortune. It makes me feel sick that I will benefit from his death.

Inheritence isn't something u sit and think about at all. Not what I can pay off, not what I could do. The whole subject makes me feel a bit ill tbh.

ShanghaiDiva · 29/01/2022 19:57

It’s not disgusting, but very naive.

BlackMagicWimpund · 29/01/2022 20:10

I personally don’t think it’s wise to plan one’s life around expected inheritance as you never know what will happen, but I also give zero fucks if anyone does this - it’s entirely their decision and their business, so for that reason I think YABU.

sqirrelfriends · 29/01/2022 20:24

It's silly logic. My ex didn't bother pursuing a career as he would inherit a large amount of money when his elderly dad passed. From what I've heard, his dad is still going strong and could easily last another 15, at which point he will be well into middle age.

Live your own life, make your own money.

Rubyupbeat · 29/01/2022 20:27

@Fairyliz
Quite rightly so.
That's all I wanted my parents to do, they more than deserved it. Sadly they both died after long illnesses. I would, hand on heart, give every penny back to have them here again.

EmpressCixi · 29/01/2022 20:28

@GatoradeMeBitch

So an inheritance should only go to people if they can prove they don't need it?
That’s my question. So say someone disabled by birth or accident, and is relying on an inheritance to one day be able to afford to actually buy a small home for themselves, doesn’t deserve it? I agree that people who spend too much due to great expectations of inheritance do not deserve an inheritance but that’s not the same as relying on an inheritance to help you if you are disadvantaged.....
EmpressCixi · 29/01/2022 20:31

[quote sometimespeopletakethepiss]@HomeHomeInTheRange I'm not wishing anyone ill but effectively they are! [/quote]
I don’t agree with this though, it is not illwishing to understand and prepare for the fact that your parents will die one day, most probably when you are middle aged. We all have to die.

Flyonawalk · 29/01/2022 20:32

Doesn’t it depend on whether the people bestowing the inheritance earned the money or inherited it themselves?

If parents have earned their money, surely it is theirs and no one else’s (though I can’t imagine not benefitting my children).

If parents inherited their money, morally that makes it family money which belongs as much their children as to them.

Isonthecase · 29/01/2022 20:51

It's a weird thing to do and I'd be really worried of the people I was relying on to sort out things like care homes planned around inheritance as it encourages cheapskatery. There's nothing wrong with it crossing your mind that an inheritance might help you pay off a mortgage or upgrade a house but it should always be a case of wanting the person more than the money.

whirlycarly · 29/01/2022 20:59

I have been told I will inherit a substantial amount but I work full time in a demanding job because I enjoy my career. I also save a good deal and have paid my mortgage off without help.

I guess the main consideration I give it is that I don't pay much more than the minimum into my pension and plan to retire early and travel.

whirlycarly · 29/01/2022 21:05

That didn't answer the Aibu. I certainly don't rely on anything and constantly tell the family members to enjoy their money so I'm saying yanbu.

KohlaParasaurus · 29/01/2022 21:35

Not disgusting, but relying on a future inheritance to get you out of a financial predicament is a big gamble. I can think of two instances in my own family in which, due to divorce or the elderly family member outliving their presumptuous offspring, the "inheritance" strategy backfired. My own parents do take the view that only people who don't need the money should be entitled to inherit, at least when it comes to their money, because they worked hard and saved hard and want to feel their legacy will be used in a manner of which they would approve rather than poured down a pit of lifestyle-related debt.

Weenurse · 29/01/2022 21:41

I think it is foolish to rely on an inheritance, you never know what will change the circumstances.
Best to rely on your own finances and financial planning and view inheritance as an unexpected help.
My FIL has survived well beyond what we thought and is turning 90 next week. Still living alone with only cleaning support. My expectation is that any savings he has, will be required for his care going forward.

Riverlee · 29/01/2022 21:45

It’s not clear whether the parents spent money and incurred debts, thinking that’s it’s okay as the potential inheritance will sort it out. Ie. Spending the money before they received it.

Or, they inherited the money, and then used that money to improve their lives.