To think people that rely on inheritance don't deserve any?

[sometimespeopletakethepiss]

I have a friend (we are not close friends really acquaintances) that basically said her parents relied on inheritance to pay off debts and basically sort their lives out.

Issue is now that her grandparents have outlived their expectations so they are now having to sell the house and are in more debt than they anticipated.

AIBU to think it's disgusting to plan a timeline for an event like this? And it serves them right and I hope the money gets spent on something else?

Inheritance is something that you should consider and addition to your life, not a reliance.

AIBU?

I agree it’s distasteful to plan for an inheritance while the people leaving it are still alive. None of us know what our parents care will cost (if anything) or if they’ll suddenly decide to leave it all to charity. I’ve heard family members discussing inheritance and I find it disgusting. One of my in-laws needs full time care and we were advised that DH “may well not end up with an inheritance” if we go for the level of care she really meeds, luckily we all

Posted too soon
We all care about my in law and have planned our lives around what we can earn and afford not what we might one day inherit.

@Mayorquimby2

I think it depends what you mean by relying on it.

Buying an 80k range Rover or way over extending on a house because you think your mum will pop her clogs in 4 years and it she doesn't you're fucked is very different to estate planning when you're fairly certain you'll inherit a million in the next 7-15 years and planning on his that will effect your decisions.

Still don't know for certain that you're going to inherit that millions though. Care homes cost a fortune, and imagine being in one for 20+ years. That could be 1.5million already at just 20 years for an average care home.

But it is different yes. Over loading yourself in debt and buying expensive things you can't afford hoping someone will die soon to pay for your mistakes is disgusting. The other one is not, although still odd to be wondering what you will do with the money. I'd still rather have the relative.

I'll get everything when my parents unfortunately die. I just hope they'll live a long life, based on family history and their medical issues however I could be wrong. I'd rather remortgage my house to give them more time, but the stubborn gits won't let me. I still might anyway.

People relying on an inheritance which then fails to materialise is one of the staples of 19th century novels. Should serve as a terrible warning to us all! YANBU.

Though you shouldn't rely on inheritance, I guess inheritance planning by parents is advantageous from a tax perspective...

@FabNotFat

I will inherit millions but do a very stressful job in healthcare as you just never know what is going to happen . I have never relied on my future inheritance.

Same here. I will not be relying on it and my sibling and I are financially independent.

@Isonthecase unfortunately I have seen families comment on care costs eating into their inheritance, and choosing the cheapest care home available, rather than looking at the care their family member needs.

My mother who has never had 2 pennies to rub together since divorce and dad abandoned us,cared for her parents in old age,not for inheritance but because they needed it,got shafted in the will and my very well off uncle got ig all,because she was adopted and he was wasn't.

@NutellaEllaElla

In the specific example you describe, YANBU. But if you stand to inherit millions and millions, why would you bother worrying about making your own living. I wouldn't.

Nobody but nobody "stands to inherit millions and millions" - therein lies the rub. There is absolutely nothing to stop someone changing their will at any time. Having this bonkers attitude is what ensures people more themselves in ridiculous amounts of debt only to have the rug pulled from beneath them. And it serves them right.

gleefully rubbing your hands together whilst waiting for someone to croak it

This is the very scenario, expecting someone to leave wodges of cash just because they're stupid enough to plan their life around getting something for nothing.

more = mire

I will inherit millions

It's a bit daft to rely on inheritance, but I don't think it means they shouldn't get it. I imagine if you've racked up a load of debt and know you have some £ coming your way that you would see it as a solution.

We won't inherit a penny. It makes life easy as we have to sort ourselves out. It should never be taken as given that you'll get it that's for sure.

Disgusting, no. Stupid, yes.

I think you’re assuming that because they have planned badly, and made the assumption that they could rely on the inheritance, that they have been rubbing their hands and waiting for their parents to die. I don’t think those things necessarily go together. They might, but it’s not a given.

So what do people have to do to “deserve” it then, who should qualify?

Because at the moment, you qualify if your parents die of cancer or heart disease because they don’t have to pay for their care. But if their care is needed because of stroke or dementia, they pay for everything and you’ll likely get nothing.

And no the new govt social care plans won’t change anything.

I get the impression many people will have a shock when the reality of ageing parents hits them.

There are a lot of very judgmental comments about care homes fees etc. However, very few people will actually fall asleep peacefully and quickly without major health concerns, often for years. When you’re the child of someone suffering with cancer, dementia, stroke, heart disease, MND, Parkinson’s or similar, keeping people artificially alive with no quality of life for the length of time we do in the later stages is utterly inhumane. When there’s then the expectation that you pay for it in some cases (eg dementia or stroke) but not in others (eg cancer or heart disease) then it’s horrifically unfair on a financial level.

My point is don’t judge what you don’t know. Having ageing parents in I’ll health is like having children. You think you know it all before you have your own because everyone you know has done it, then it hits you. And in some cases it continues to batter you round the head for years and years and years.

In some ways, this makes me think that I’d trade every penny of inheritance not to see them go through that. In others, it makes me feel I deserve every penny I get after the love sweat and tears that goes into looking after them.

And here is my controversial opinion.

I think that there should be no inheritance, or if there is then a minimal amount like 20% of the estate. For a start this would encourage more people to spend more of their money which is a good thing, they can pass it on whilst alive if they want but would still be subject to the 7 year rule.

The rest of it should be taxed and used to fund the social care system, and there should be euthanasia for people who want it and are living with rock bottom quality of life, often for years, universally funded good quality care for those who don’t. I make the link between the two because I think in some cases there is a real need to find a better way to relieve people of the cruelty of a prolonged and physically or mentally painful death, but there should never be the chance to link it to inheritance.

If you grow old never being one of the people who needs care then you should consider yourselves very lucky indeed.

You sound judgemental, plus why does this bother you so much if she’s only an acquaintance?

I think poor financial management is an issue for some adults, to get themselves in debt to the extent they need to sell their house, I doubt it’s as simple as your friend has outlined.

I also think inheritance is not about who “deserves it” and find the thought odd, inheritance is not some form of award for good behaviour.

I mean, it's foolish for sure. But "disgusting"?!

I wouldn't have said it like that.

It is unwise to rely on inheritance, for the reasons you point out. (Especially now, with blended families, people living longer and many people needing to fund their own end of life care.)

As for deserving, I don't really feel like anyone deserves an inheritance, except maybe people who have spent years caring for the person before they died. For me it's more about the person who has died having the right to leave the assets they accumulated to who they want.

The most unfair part of inheritance is how it cements wealth inequality through the generations. So the rich kid who went to private school, made useful connections and got a great job is also much more likely to inherit money to buy a house and send their own kids to private school, than the poor but brilliant kid from a working class family who has to work for every penny they get and won't inherit anything from their family because their parents and grandparents don't have a pot to piss in.

@SonicBroom

And here is my controversial opinion.

I think that there should be no inheritance, or if there is then a minimal amount like 20% of the estate. For a start this would encourage more people to spend more of their money which is a good thing, they can pass it on whilst alive if they want but would still be subject to the 7 year rule.

The rest of it should be taxed and used to fund the social care system, and there should be euthanasia for people who want it and are living with rock bottom quality of life, often for years, universally funded good quality care for those who don’t. I make the link between the two because I think in some cases there is a real need to find a better way to relieve people of the cruelty of a prolonged and physically or mentally painful death, but there should never be the chance to link it to inheritance.

If you grow old never being one of the people who needs care then you should consider yourselves very lucky indeed.

I'd rather be taxed after I die on any extra money that I never used, than taxed on money I might still need while I'm alive 🤷‍♀️

My parents inherited a lot of money from their parents. However, they live a luxury lifestyle now and I am not expecting there to be any inheritance left when they pass away. And that’s fine, I am depending on my own pension and am working hard to put myself in an okay position for my old age. I agree that it isn’t a good idea to ever ‘depend’ on inheritance but if you know you have a lot due then surely it will factor into how much you need to save etc for your future.

I inherited quite a lot from my mother , and yes I did rely on it to some extent. I got divorced and ended up fairly poor, as happens sometimes. I was living in someone else's basement flat. But since my mother was already 90 and living in a care home with dementia, I knew that at some stage I'd inherit half of her estate, and that I'd be able to live a more easy life , by a house etc . Did I not deserve it , because I was relying on it ? Hmmm I don't think so. I wasn't wishing her dead, I just knew that when nature took it's course, I'd be in a better financial position . I was just being practical .

No one “deserves” inheritance. It’s unfair and completely based on luck. My cousin’s parents are penniless drug users. She’ll get no inheritance yet she’s worked hard and has a great career. She’s not undeserving anymore than I’m deserving of one.

There are people who are in desperate situations (perhaps of own making) who might not see a way out apart from a lump sum clearing debt. So it’s not that they want someone to die but might be aware that’s a way to solve problems. I think they are to be pitted and it’s obviously better to be the one in control than rely on outside factors.

I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to think about what you might do if you inherit. That’s not wishing someone dead. It’s just being realistic.

@Fairyliz

Only on MN does everyone want their parents to spend every penny of their money and get equity release on their house having a ‘good time’. Nobody ever thinks about possibly getting a nice little inheritance and being able to pay off their mortgage

Odd post. Of course I'd rather my parents spent their money & lived fulfilling lives. And I'm an only child.

Mine went to my step mother. In a trust though but will be passing most to DC if it ever comes through.