Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

@KKslidoff

A cleaner and leaving your husband are the solution to all of life's problems.

Actually I would agree with that one

No one wears skinny jeans anymore because fashion.

Everyone's dog has a trainer, behaviourist, walker, sitter, and groomer.

Evening wedding reception invitations may as well be a massive ‘fuck you’
Anything under £80k a year is a low wage and you should change jobs to earn more if you have the audacity to be on minimum wage (see also, £100k isn’t that much, depends on your area… I mean, wtf?!)
You must refer to style and beauty components in the singular form, red lip, white trainer etc.
on that note, if you don’t own Vejas, you’re not a real mum
If in doubt, LTB

Every ex is either abusive or a narcissist.

If you like the occasional drink, you're an alcoholic. Warm summers are bad. Obsessing over protein intake. Thinking "did you mean to be so rude" is a top comeback, when it really, really isn't.

@OldTinHat

Everyone has a husband or partner or is a single parent.

It is a forum for parents so that does make sense doesn't it?

Although I think there are some childless, single people here, but makes sense they're not the majority.

A higher than average number of people:

• live very rurally
• can’t drive even though there are no shops or buses for miles
• have multiple illnesses that you only hear of on MN, never amongst people you know in real life
• are exempt from mask-wearing
• never eat at McDonald’s
• cook curries and risottos, etc with dozens of ingredients and that take hours every single day
• but manage to only spend £50 a week feeding a family of 6 and 2 retired greyhounds
• have retired greyhounds as pets
• have a cleaner
• have “elderly” parents even though they themselves are in their 30s (I’m guessing anything over 60 is considered elderly!)
• have at least 5 family members who are vulnerable

Having or DP having a hobby that's so unique to name it would be outing.

Male DP's can't get stressed/annoyed/angry coz that's abusive but female OP's are allowed to get annoyed, stressed, and angry in situations and lose their cool.

Her in-laws are awful/horrible and toxic and need cutting off but his in laws are lovely and supportive.

Cutting friends and family off over any disagreement.

Everyone other person is a gas lighter and narcissists.

Being invited to weddings are a cause of so much stress and angst.

Her children are lovely and well mannered angels but her step children are little devils for behaving like normal kids of their age.

She's step mum do doesn't have to do anything but step dad's should step up and look after her kids.

His parents should love her kids and show no favouritism between their birth grandkids and step grandkids, but she is a step mum and doesn't have to bother with her step kids.

Everyone drinks Prosecco.

I sometimes wonder if I should even be allowed to have an account on MN because I've never tasted Prosecco

(And I wear skinny jeans. I did LTB though.)

Hating the en suite because - horror - husband uses it at night.

Everyone, just everyone, has a child with a label.

Husband helps with everything but doesn't do the ironing = LTB.

The teacher made an ill thought out comment. Remove your child immediately and home school them.

Someone touched your child - go with your gut and cut them out of your life.

That feeling slightly nervous about anything means you have crippling anxiety.

If you & DP have an argument, he is clearly abusive.

The Freedom Programme will fix everything.

Complete bastards are never allowed to be complete bastards. They must be ND, have ADHD, dementia, depression, PTSD, 'on the spectrum', traumatised by the lack of crunchy peanut butter in Tesco this morning...

Thinking ‘a tinkly laugh’ makes you look anything other than fucking unhinged

You should adopt, not shop for dogs - but that goes out of the window for a pedigree puppy. These are acceptable. The ideal dog is a rescue greyhound. All others are probably from a puppy farm.

Good point milkyweigh what is it with MN and greyhounds?

Apart from people admitting to having no friends, I come across all these in real life.
@Imyourvenus

Thanks for this thread,really funny and mostly soooo true

@Ionlydomassiveones

If you have the temerity to be a size 12 then you are disgusting and unhealthy. Anything over a size 12 is just God’s punishment for stuffing your unworthy fat obese face and you are not welcome on MN. MN will tolerate size 10s and below only.

On that note, eating more than three chips at a time is truly gluttonous and don’t get me started on those feral beings that frequent McDonald’s.

It is perfectly acceptable to move to the ass end of nowhere and not drive.

@KKslidoff

A cleaner and leaving your husband are the solution to all of life's problems.

And taking in ironing

I think hating the ensuite because of grunting midnight dumps is a perfectly reasonable position.

That fabric conditioner is pure evil and that neighbours can actually feel and be physical sick from the smell of it when drying your fabric conditioned laundry on the washing line

Children are actually named Ptolemy and Clementine...